Hey guys(and possibly gals?)
I've been writing for a while now, here and there, but I've only written lyrics, poetry I suppose. I am just now starting to learn the guitar on my own and maybe try to write songs. I know they are not that much different but I am not very good and finding the rhythm of the words. Maybe it is there in the words I am just not good at singing them yet but I'd like to get some feedback on any aspect of the writing process really. How to arrange it better rhythmically, maybe what words don't fit, what phrases are awkward, something that doesn't make sense, rhyming too much, etc. I'm not in a band so anything I write would most likely be sung while playing an acoustic guitar for now.
I usually write with no beat in my head, as if it's just spoken word. I'm trying not to do that so much but it's just the way I taught myself how to write so that's what comes natural to me. I feel everything I write is too wordy. Any suggestions, comments, feedback, or off topic banter that I could learn from would be appreciated. Thanks.
Here are two that I wrote. They're not my favorite and I probably wont be able to turn them into songs but I'm looking forward to learning more so I can write song in the future...
A Abacist Aback Abacot Abactor Abacus
And sometimes
It's not just about the
smile on your face
It's the draw in your eyes
and the way your bones
begin to shake.
Hunting for Heaven
and all it's promise,
there is no better place.
And sometimes the tide
goes a little too high
and washes away
the castles we've made.
But if it weren't for the ocean
we'd lack the emotion
to hold the rapture
we capture with our hands
in the sand.
And Sometimes I get confused
I don't know what to do
But I know that everyday
is a perfect day
to say that I love you.
And if you'll make mistakes girl
I know that I will too
cuz my flaws are as apparent
as the parachute you use.
And sometimes words
can't express the mess
inside my chest.
But I'll take the time
to read you this dictionary
and hope
and hope
you figure out the rest.
Used To Be
I used to be a gentleman.
Now I'm just a fisherman.
Throwing my bait in the lake of life.
Waiting for a fish to bite.
Waiting for it at the end of the night.
I used to be a dreamer.
Now I'm just a screamer.
Protesting my lost merit,
to any ear that would hear it.
I paste my innocence back together
just to watch them tear it.
I used to be a teacher
Now I'm just a reacher
Grasping for any lost soul
that will go my way.
Nothing worth the say
but words are coming out like spray
Anything to make her stay.
I used to be a soldier.
Now I'm much older.
Too tired to fight
for what is right.
Just give me what is easy,
if you really want to please me.
I used to be a me.
I used to be a what I'm not anymore.
I used to be a final score.
Now before the half time show
I'm headed out the back door.
I used to be what I used to be
Now I'm just a nobody.
Nameless with a disguise
that lies around my eyes.
The counterfeit smiles
purchase the people.
I move in secrecy
to avoid the steeple.
sinless yet winless.
One stones throw away from all bliss
but I can't get in
because I'm not on the guest list.
But I used to be
I used to be.
I haven't been doing this all that long, fairly new as well, so take whatever you feel may work and toss the rest!
What I did find very helpful in the beginning, and still, is to study the songs of writers that you admire. Take a look at the lyrics and listen to the chord progressions, the melodies, and see how they have made that all fit together. Listening to a song when you are trying to make sense of what grabs you, what doesn't, what the structure is like, etc., is very different than just listening for one's enjoyment. :) (and probably tends to enhance your enjoyment in the long run!) If you can take a look at printed music for a song, it will also give you a really good idea of how it all works. Even if you can't read music, you can still see the layout of the lyrics in regards to the chords, how the notes correspond to the words, and how the stresses of words fall in with the rhythm of the music.
If you google 'song structure' you should come up with a few good sites that will explain the various structures used, rhyming patterns, meter, and all that. It seems easier to start very basic and follow the 'rules' so to speak.
I usually write with no beat in my head, as if it's just spoken word. Even the spoken word has a rhythm to it. :) You use phrasing in your conversational speech, go up and down in pitch, certain words and parts of words are emphasized more than others, unless you speak in a monotone which most of us don't. When we write songs, I think we just need to become more aware of the actual 'sounds' of words.
You have some good things going on in your two examples. I don't think they are at a point where they can really be put to music effectively, but they are a good start. I like the way 'sometimes' is used repetitively in the first one and there are some very nice ideas, such as;
And sometimes the tide
goes a little too high
and washes away
the castles we've made.
You may need to just make a few small changes. Words are at a premium (you have only so much time in a song to say what you want to say), and you have two 'ands' in just this small part. If it were mine I'd toss them and also to make it flow a bit better probably write it more along the lines of;
Sometimes the tide goes a little too high
washing away all the castles we've made
There is not too much evidence of structure however, in either of your examples. This is probably the main thing you need to concentrate on first off. Lyrics aren't poetry or free verse, and they do need to fit to the music. You will find it much, much easier to put music to your words if you follow some kind of definite pattern for your verses. In your second example, you have a first verse with five lines, the next verse has six lines, and the following has seven. Your verses need to be identical to go with your melody. Also, the first line of each verse has to match up, the second matches up, and so on. The melody is going to be the same for each verse so in order to sing it, and not run out of either melody or words, you have to match them up a little better. There are exceptions, but generally speaking your song will come about more smoothly if they are fairly identical, especially when you are beginning.
Not every song has a chorus, but most do, and it is something that the listener's ear is expecting, and also the part of the song the listener will remember first off, and maybe even sing along to. I'm not sure I could clearly see that there was a chorus or refrain in either of your lyrics, but in a re-write or in your next song, it might be something to think about. The chorus needs to easily stand out that it is, in fact, a chorus. If you take a look at familiar songs, you'll see they accomplish this in a variety of ways such as changing the rhyming pattern, rhythm, melody, chord progression, tempo, length, and so on (compared to the verses).
Good luck with your songwriting! This is a little long (especially for a new person posting to the site, yikes!) but in your choice of words I can see you have a lot of potential and just need to learn a few ins and outs of how to turn them into a song. I haven't been doing this a long time either, still have so much to learn, but hopefully, there are maybe one or two things I've mentioned that will help you out. I hope to see more and maybe even hear what you come up with.
Mel
