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the antichirst has landed


(@gram99)
Trusted Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 62
Topic starter  

hello again

i would really appreciate hearing your visceral reaction when you read these four short verses and chorus that tumbled from my brain at four in the morning last night. maybe i should just skip the news and go straight to bed from now on.
thanks

the world blew up today
the second time this week
god threw up
and angels wept
at the slaughter in his streets

the antichrist has landed
moved in down the hall
you can see him everywhere
in churches, banks and malls

first he bombed manhattan
on that fateful day
soon he'll wear armani
and buy out chevrolet

don't shoot the messenger
doin his job that's all
every since he stood up
and heard that clarion call

chorus

as for me I'm oughta here
seen enough of the fear and hate
gonna move to a different place
down by the palace gates

that's all I have for now

"Nothing happens until something moves."

Albert Einstein


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(@alangreen)
Member Moderator
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 5366
 

This bit is really good

"first he bombed manhattan
on that fateful day
soon he'll wear armani
and buy out chevrolet "

but it's still a very short song.

Best,

A :-)

"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk


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(@coatbutton)
Active Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 14
 

It's very very good. I'm always amazed at people that can write powerful political songs.
One thing you might consider is working in a few more syllables in the fourth verse, to make it flow more easily. I liked the rhyme scheme a lot, though.


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