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THE THINGS YOU DO

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(@mysticmoonangel)
Estimable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 166
Topic starter  

Hi Everyone
its been a while since i have wrote or responded (its complicated)but I have missed this forum greatly and am glad to be back I have not been doing any new writtings but have revised an old song. Its funny how when you put somthing down for a bit, when you pick it up again you can see it in a diffrent light. I look forwared to reading your lyrics and hopefully having some good input for you as well :wink:

THE THINGS YOU DO

I'm sitten hear on my porch swing
listening to the Jay birds sing
an fallin in love with the things you do
I love the way that you move
and every thing that you do
drives me crazy, Oh a little insane

I like it when you mow the lawn
ya it kinda turns me on
but i like it even better
when your fixin the car
you keep my motor runnin
an my headlights on
I think I might need some coolent too
cuz the things you do
Oh the things you do

I'm sitten hear on my porch swing
listening to the Jay birds sing
an fallin in love with the things you do
I love the way that you move
and every thing that you do
drives me crazy, Oh a little insane

Your hairs a mess and your shirts un done
You sure make trimming the hedge look fun
I love the way you move
an every thing you do
Maybe we could take a chance
and have our selves a little romances
just like Romeo and Juliet

I love the way you make work look like play
I could watch you every day
I love the way you move an every thing that you do

Im sitten here on my porch swing
listening to the jay birds sing
And I fall in love
Ohhh.. allover again
I love the way that you move
and every thing that you do
Drives me crazy ohhh.. A little insane….

Revised
(c) 2009 DJ ALARIC


   
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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

Hey, welcome back, MMA! It's been a while hasn't it......

Like the song, I can see where you're going with it, and I can see where it's coming from....

There's only one place I pick fault with, and that's only a little one - nitpicking really. It's in the bridge - I think it could use just a little more emphasis.

"I love the way you make work look like play
I could watch you every day
I love the way you move an every thing that you do"

I'd just like to see you maybe add a little emphasis to that middle line...maybe something like,

"I love the way you make work look like play
I could watch you ALL DAY, every day
I love the way you move an every thing that you do"

Bear in mind that's just off the top of my head - I don't know how the song's structured, but that's just the one part I felt lacked a little extra something. Rest of it's looking fine - nothing wrong with it except maybe a little tidying up.

Any chance of a recording?

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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(@mysticmoonangel)
Estimable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 166
Topic starter  

Hi Vic thanks for your input wish I could put this song to music but I dont play :cry: I have often picked up the giutar but it just seems to not fall into place for me. however i like your suggestion but it didnt quite flow into the last part of the bridge

I'd just like to see you maybe add a little emphasis to that middle line...maybe something like,

"I love the way you make work look like play
I could watch you ALL DAY, every day
I love the way you move an every thing that you do"Vic

so i thought about it and played a little more and got this

I love the way you make work look like play
I could watch you Day after day
I love the way you move an every thing that you do"


   
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