I wrote this song over the last few days. I just finished it today. Two problems that I have spotted: one, I can't figure out a title for it, that really just fits right. There's a few obvious ones, but...I don't know. Other one: it is about 5 1/2 minutes long, and there's one part near the end that I really do like the effect of, but I'm still not quite sure it's worth the extra 35 seconds, or if it just drags the song out even longer than it needs to be dragged. This section is between two asterisks. Any opinions would be much appreciated, especially advice on those two topics, although any comments are really welcome. Also, I would love to know what people picture as happening in this song, as I know what I was thinking of, but I'm not sure exactly how it comes out.
Basically, help and comments always appreciated, if not acted on.
Wow. I was just thinking and, I love the irony. It's only a two-verse song, and yet it is much longer than anything else I've written. Funny.
As of yet untitled
(Intro)
This is your chance
Take it or leave it
It won't be comin' 'round again
I want you back
Take me or leave me
If you say no, I'll go
You won't see me again
(Verse 1)
I won't beg
Won't throw myself on the ground
Scuff these knees in this dirt
Just your mistake
If it seems I should be falling down
Questioning all I'm worth
Now think for a moment
Ask yourself why I should care
How this turns out in the end
It's not like I'm alive now
And taking in air
When without you I still feel dead
(Chorus)
Now here's your chance
Take it or leave it
But it won't be comin' 'round again
I'm fine either way
You'd do well to believe it
I'm stronger than I've ever been
No, it doesn't hurt
I've got all I ever wanted
My troubles've flown with the wind
But I need you back
Take me or leave me
And if you say no, I'll go,
You won't see me again
(Verse 2)
If you turn away,
Stalk off into the distance
Don't look back 'cause I won't be there
Why should I stay
If there's no more between us
Than a few yards of cold evening air
And tonight when you cry,
Know that I'm somewhere else
And not where you'll wish I would be
Not holding you tight,
And it's not like I'll care
It's gotta feel great to be free
Chorus
(Bridge)
I won't stand here a while
And think about the times
We've shared, times I miss
I won't stand in the shadows to hide
So you can't see me watch you
Walk into the night
And out of my life
*
This is your chance, this is your chance
Take it or leave it, take it or leave me
This is your chance, this is your chance
Take it or leave it, take me, don't leave me...
*
Chorus
If you say no,
You won't have to deal with me again
i love lifehouse, and one of there main attractions is the long soft songs that eventually (im talking 6mins + )swell and get rocky, which sometimes im in the mood for othertimes not, it doesnt hurt to have a mix of songs, some short and sweet others longer and well crafted.
on the subject of names, i will often call a song something that i either couldnt put in a song or that sums up the song itself, i rarely use a line from the song, eg 'the mind game' is talking about how the whole positive outlook thing is all in our heads, its a way for me to sum up what a song is about without adding another whole verse, i find it adds another layer to the song
harry
I like the song... Take me or leave me sounds good
Thanks for the advice. I've recently found myself titling most of my songs with bits of the lyrics, and it has annoyed me. That's probably the main reason why I wanted help naming this one, instead of using a line. (I was actually thinking Take Me or Leave Me if I couldn't figure out what I wanted).
Well, thanks for the advice. I guess it's not that long. I've heard longer, too, and it really doesn't get too repetitive.
So, thanks.
What about....
Take A Chance
or
You Won't See Me Again
or
Take It Or Leave It
Just some thoughts......... :D
..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ .·´
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´ -:¦:- Elecktrablue -:¦:-
"Don't wanna ride no shootin' star. Just wanna play on the rhythm guitar." Emmylou Harris, "Rhythm Guitar" from "The Ballad of Sally Rose"
what did you end up naming the song?
The Last Train to Clarksville
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
I love titles that have nothing to do with the song or isn't obvious like Black Dog (LZ), or Bulldog (Beatles). How's about 512. People go, "what the hell is 512?" and you say, "the song's 5 1/2 minutes long."
Ok, that sucks, never mind. :oops:
==================
Pat
joefish
SilverBox
"Music so wishes to be heard that it sometimes calls on unlikely characters to give it voice".
Robert Fripp
Together Apart
Apart Together
Maybe?? :smoke:
keep it up, you know if you sing it faster it wont be so long. :roll:
