This is the first song I'v writtten for a few weeks (I think it's been that long by now!) and is a last-ditch effort to get myself out of this *huge* slump I've been in, both in terms of writing and playing.
Torn Up
Verse 1
When I think of all the things I said
With the memory of you inside my head
It doesn't give me peace, it won't let me be
While I cling to you I can never be free
So I….
I talk but I don't hear a word that I say to myself am I going insane?
And I scream….
“Leave me alone!†but the picture of you stares at me from inside it's frame
Chorus
So I cannot run
I cannot hide
I cannot stay the distance
Feeling torn up inside
You won't let me leave
I can't escape
I cannot be alone
And I know this will never change
Verse 2
When I think of all the things I never said
Blocking out the memories in my head
I hope this brings me peace, ‘cos now I can see
That while I cling to you I can never be free
So I….
I talk but I don't hear a word that I say to myself am I going insane?
And I scream….
“Leave me alone!†but the picture of you stares at me from inside it's frame
Chorus
So I cannot run
I cannot hide
I cannot stay the distance
Feeling torn up inside
You won't let me leave
I can't escape
I cannot be alone
And I know this will never change
Bridge
So I cannot run………….
I can't run I'm frozen to the spot while you fire at me with memories I'd rather forget
I can't escape…………..
I can't escape from the hole you've put me in trading off my pleasure for your pain
Chorus
So I cannot run
I cannot hide
I cannot stay the distance
Feeling torn up inside
You won't let me leave
I can't escape
I cannot be alone
And I know this will never change
Input welcomed as always
Pete
ETD - Formerly "10141748 - Reincarnate"
I think it's great!
Only one suggestion I have upon the first read-through:
I can't escape…………..
I can't escape from the hole you've put me in trading off my pleasure for your pain
Since the song is about the speaker's/singer's painful memories, the phrase "my pleasure" seems out of place to me. Maybe reverse the last phrase to be: "trading off your pleasure for my pain"
Margaret
When my mind is free, you know a melody can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue, the guitar's comin' through to soothe me ~
Thanks margaret!
I had trouble with that line as well, I couldn't figure out how to say what I wanted.
It was supposed to be about the other person taking the singer's pleasure and giving him/her pain.
Perhaps;
I can't escape…………..
I can't escape from the hole you've put me in, I'm trading off my pleasure for your pain
Showing how I am the one doing the trading of one for another? Did that make sense!?! lol
~ Im not sure if either my lines or yours will work really, every time I read them I change my mind again! I might have to have a think :) ~
Pete
ETD - Formerly "10141748 - Reincarnate"
I can't escape from the hole you've put me in, I'm trading off my pleasure for your pain
That's better, IMO. Personally, I'd drop the "I'm" though, just "Trading off my pleasure...."
Margaret
When my mind is free, you know a melody can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue, the guitar's comin' through to soothe me ~
