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What could be?


(@bstguitarist)
Reputable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 356
Topic starter  

What could be?

(Verse One)
I told you once,
That it wouldn't last,
I told you twice,
It wouldn't be nice,
Words of wisdom from the bottom of my heart,
Let me show you where we can start,

(Verse Two)
Nothing is set in stone,
We make our choices,
All on our own,
I can see what you could be,
All I ask is please,
Listen to me.

(Bridge: Two or more sing)
Give it a shot,
Do you best,
Give it nothing less,

(Chorus)
What's the matter?
I though we agreed?
Now you wont listen to me
Said you'd be the brightest star,
Just for me, that what we could be

(Verse Three)
There's something that I feel,
My words cannot describe,
Like nothing that is real,
The feelings are all inside,
Shine your eyes upon me,
Ill show you what we could be.

(Chorus)
What's the matter?
I though we agreed?
Now you wont listen to me
Said you'd be the brightest star,
Just for me, that what we could be

(Verse Two)
Nothing is set in stone,
We make our choices,
All on our own,
I can see what you could be,
All I ask is please,
Listen to me.

Any Feedback would be real nice!
Bstguitarist
Thanks!


No matter what anyone says, these four men were the Innovators! of modern Rock & Roll!

Morse Code... Music on it's own


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(@bassgirl)
Active Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 7
 

Nice work. Some not so passive emotions going on in there. Keep on writing kid. {don't take that offensively I call everyone kid} Just wondering what kind of music you had for the genre.

Life goes on forever, and music lasts a lifetime. Get in and be heard.


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(@bstguitarist)
Reputable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 356
Topic starter  

CLassic rock type...


No matter what anyone says, these four men were the Innovators! of modern Rock & Roll!

Morse Code... Music on it's own


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(@bstguitarist)
Reputable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 356
Topic starter  

any more suggestions? I really like the idea of this song and would like to meke it better if possible or is it the best it could be for how its written? if it needs work Id love to change it.

bstguitarist


No matter what anyone says, these four men were the Innovators! of modern Rock & Roll!

Morse Code... Music on it's own


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(@snoogans775)
Reputable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 297
 

you've got a lot of subject scrambling here, sometimes you're asking her to do something, I think you sohuld put more detail between that and when you start saying what she's asking you

something like:you, detail, me, detail, us, detail etc.

but that's definetely a perfection, this is a very strong song, I like it

I don't follow my dreams, I just ask em' where they're going and catch up with them later.
-Mitch Hedburg
Did you see that!


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(@bstguitarist)
Reputable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 356
Topic starter  

thanks! i will work on it!


No matter what anyone says, these four men were the Innovators! of modern Rock & Roll!

Morse Code... Music on it's own


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