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What Have You Got To Prove?

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(@gmilam)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 159
Topic starter  

These lyrics are about pretending to be someone that you aren't. For example: Christians who go to church and participate in Ministry there, but when they are outside the four walls, they aren't walking right.

I would welcome some feedback/ideas to make it better.

What Have You Got To Prove?

Verse 1
You hide behind personality
Never come close to reality
You live it up in social lies
Never revealing your disguise

The ego hides a searching heart
Should have been right from the start
Now the games they never end
Never knowing where to begin

Chorus
No one knows what's inside
Old worlds linger in the new
No one knows the things you hide
What have you got to prove?

Verse 2
The velvet words; this echoed place
Outstretched arms without a face
Say exactly what they want you to
The spotlight shining down on you

Chorus

Bridge
Wonder why they don't see right through you
Or maybe they do and they have fooled you
The masquerade of the man continues
Hiding what is really in you

Chorus

I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you think that I thought I once was - White Goodman (Dodgeball)


   
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(@omega)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 92
 

Overall I find this really good to read, it flows very well.

All I could really suggest is the Break/last verse maybe changed around a little, asI feel its four rhymes that all sound the same, which may or may not be a bit much on the ears. Then again, its what sounds right for you....

Another thing though, just because Im picky, is I'ld have in this :

Wonder why they don't see right through you
Or maybe they do and they have fooled you
The masquerade of the man continues
Hiding what is really in you

I'ld change that to:

Wonder why they don't see right through you
Or maybe they do and they have you fooled
The masquerade of the man continues
Hiding what is really in you

As it stops the 2 'you's on the end, and it reads nicer. :D

Anyway, they're just my thoughts, its a very good effort. :)

Somnium Dulcis.


   
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(@guy_d)
Active Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 16
 

Omega's comments all seem about right. the song flows well but the chorus is cluttered and falls over itself. if you take omega's advice and fix the chorus this could be a great song.

People talk of situations,
Read books, repeat quotations,
Draw conclusions on the wall.

Bob Dylan, Love Minus Zero/No Limit,


   
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(@e-sherman)
Reputable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 374
 

Do you have music for this song? I love the words. Perhaps we could collab or something. Mabye swap lyrics?

EDIT- hey, I noticed you live around Chicago? Where do you live?

Your not my bandmate...are you? ;p

The king of rock, some say lives
the lizard king, is surely dead
the king of France, lost his head
the King of Kings... bled
( email me at esherman@wideopenwest.(com). I almost never check my hotmailaccount.


   
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(@gmilam)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 159
Topic starter  

Thanks for the thoughts.

I like the change on the Bridge Omega. I will see if I can come up with a different rhyme enstead of all 4 running together. I agree it could get boring to the ear.

Sherm- I do have the basic chord progression on this, but haven't settled on the rythm of it. I would love to do some collab stuff. I'm definately open to the idea. I am in the West Suburbs of Chicago in a city called Aurora. Wayne's World....Wayne's World....!

If you want to discuss further feel free to drop me an email. [email protected]. Look forward to hearing from ya!

I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you think that I thought I once was - White Goodman (Dodgeball)


   
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(@e-sherman)
Reputable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 374
 

You got mail! 8)

The king of rock, some say lives
the lizard king, is surely dead
the king of France, lost his head
the King of Kings... bled
( email me at esherman@wideopenwest.(com). I almost never check my hotmailaccount.


   
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