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Whiskey Thinking

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(@nitetrapper)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 149
Topic starter  

Title Whiskey Thinking
©2004 Writer Ken Lillie

V1
He felt stranded in this small town.
Like an animal pacing in a cage.
As most kids do he got bored real quick.
Wasn't long he found whiskey did the trick.
V2
When he'd drink from the bottle.
He could be someone and somewhere else.
The life of the party till the blackouts came.
He started drinking at home to hide his shame.
Chorus
Whiskey thinking took him by suprize.
He was so sure what he was doing.
Like a person lost in a dense forest
He dissapeared before his eyes.
Many times he'd try to shake it off his chest.
He got lost in his body and mind.
And the whiskey thinking managed to win out every time.
V3
As the years went flying by.
He'd find himself alone all the time.
The whiskey had a grasp so tight.
That he could no longer fight.
V4
When the whiskey finally took his life.
He had no friends to see him off.
They buried him in potters field.
The whiskey thinking finally stopped.
Bridge
For the many people that die.
One more stands in line.
And the whiskey thinking.
Steps inside, Holding on for dear life.
Chorus
Whiskey thinking took him by suprize.
He was so sure what he was doing.
Like a person lost in a dense forest
He dissapeared before his eyes.
Many times he'd try to shake it off his chest.
He got lost in his body and mind.
And the whiskey thinking managed to win out every time

lyrics belong in songs, poems bolong in bookstores


   
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(@alterego)
Estimable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 83
 

hey nitetrapper,
great lyrics man liked the line
Like a person lost in a dense forest
He dissapeared before his eyes.

However, use "whiskey" maybe a few less times coz it gets kinda nagging to see it crop up in every other line. I'm sure u won't lose the essence. Infact it'll highten the phrase "whiskey thinking". Nice one.
The rest is great!

http://poemasmuertos.blogspot.com/


   
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(@alterego)
Estimable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 83
 

hey nitetrapper,
great lyrics man liked the line
Like a person lost in a dense forest
He dissapeared before his eyes.

However, use "whiskey" maybe a few less times coz it gets kinda nagging to see it crop up in every other line. I'm sure u won't lose the essence. Infact it'll highten the phrase "whiskey thinking". Nice one.
The rest is great!

http://poemasmuertos.blogspot.com/


   
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(@alterego)
Estimable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 83
 

now that i've reread it, u cud maybe mod that line "Like a person lost in a dense forest ". Use a lil more poetic expression. It sounds more of a statement. Add some lyrical quality to it. And try that whiskey thing I told ya about :D

http://poemasmuertos.blogspot.com/


   
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(@nitetrapper)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 149
Topic starter  

Thanks altegro, I appreceate the crtuiqe. And now that I look at whiskey can be used alittle less. Thanks again Nite...........

lyrics belong in songs, poems bolong in bookstores


   
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(@gmilam)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 159
 

Definately agree with alterego....use whiskey less times.
FInd more creative ways to say in the verses like...

The whiskey (alcohol) had a grasp so tight.

When the whiskey (dragon) finally took his life

The whiskey (demon) had a grasp so tight

These aren't great examples, but you need something else to describe it.

Just a thought for the last line of the chorus

"And the whiskey thinking managed to win out every time"

maybe you could leave a little more air in that line by saying

"And the whiskey thinking... won out every time"

just an idea...

I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you think that I thought I once was - White Goodman (Dodgeball)


   
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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

Good lyrics, reads well.......

Can you explain something for me though, what exactly is "Potter's field?" Is it something like a pauper's grave? I've seen the phrase used before, but only by Americans.....

Vic.

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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(@gmilam)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 159
 

Potter's field is a public burial place, especially in a city, for paupers, unknown persons, and criminals.

I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you think that I thought I once was - White Goodman (Dodgeball)


   
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(@gmilam)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 159
 

It also is found in the Bible. It's the name given to the piece of burial ground that was bought by the Chief Priests that condemned Jesus to death with the money that had been given to Judas for selling Him out. It was called the "field of blood" (Matt.27:7-10).

I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you think that I thought I once was - White Goodman (Dodgeball)


   
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(@alterego)
Estimable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 83
 

[gmilam]"And the whiskey thinking... won out every time"

hey nite, that was a real nice touch by gmilam. try that.. :)

http://poemasmuertos.blogspot.com/


   
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(@nitetrapper)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 149
Topic starter  

Thanks for all the replys you all help tremendesly. As far as potters field goes . I had a friend of mind buried there a few years back cause no one would acceapte his body. Even tho his parents and siblins were alive. Its just an open spot in the cemetary with no stones . Kinda sad. Any way thanks for all the replys again. Keep writing and playing. Nite...................

lyrics belong in songs, poems bolong in bookstores


   
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