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White padded walls, crits welcome..

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(@rhythm)
Active Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 7
Topic starter  

Sometimes I wish I was insane
Just to get away from it all
Take me away from all this pain
to the room with white padded walls

Where at least I'll know the voices
aren't just in my head
and my neighbor is always screaming
Imaginary monsters under the bed

White padded walls
White padded walls
Lessen the bane,
Eliminate pain
and break my fall
Sanity drain

At night, for once I'd sleep in peace
and if not
I'm away from it all, at least
I'd have no worries, not a care
Never be in a hurry to get anywhere

What better place for me to be
then the room for all insanity

White padded walls
White padded walls
Lessen the bane,
eliminate pain
and break my fall
Insanity reign

----
Thanks for your time.


   
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(@dragona43)
Eminent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 34
 

umm...at night at least I'd sleep in peace and if not I'd get away from it all at least, I hope I remembered that right, it doesn't quite fit...you might wanna make it two lines and take out the second at least because you don't need to repeat at least twice in the same thought, that allows for confusion...other than that though i like it, i can relate :D :shock: :shock:

ie an'tce eakspe igpe atinle!!
the first legal high is spinning around!!


   
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(@rhythm)
Active Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 7
Topic starter  

At night, for once I'd sleep in peace
and if not
I'm away from it all, at least

hehe, I don't think you remembered it correctly..


   
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(@dragona43)
Eminent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 34
 

:oops: oh, k sorry (i'm such a dork), i probly didn't read it right the first time then either and saw double or something...oh well, i like it though!! :P :shock: :shock: i love that face, shocky, shock, shock, twitch :shock: :shock: :oops: (like I said I'm a dork, just can't help it)....

ie an'tce eakspe igpe atinle!!
the first legal high is spinning around!!


   
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(@gmilam)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 159
 

Good stuff.

It seemed to me that verse 2 should have gone a little different.

Where at least I'll know the voices
aren't just in my head
and my neighbor is always screaming
Imaginary monsters under the bed

just an idea...
"Where at least I'll know the voices are just in my head" -this person wants to get away from everyone and at least these voices are my own and not those of my annoying neighbors, etc.

"and my neighbors aren't always screaming
no imagined monsters under the bed." - again this just puts it more in a way that this person wants to get away.

just a thought.

i really like the ideas.

I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you think that I thought I once was - White Goodman (Dodgeball)


   
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