Heartbreak Hotel...

David,

Just wanted to add, everyone including myself has advised you to stay busy but I found that when I was going through your situation, I wasn't able to get motivated enough to do any of the things that I liked.

I know it was just depression but it just felt like the energy was just sucked out of my body, so it made it near impossible for me to want to do anything. Since I wasn't really doing anything I ended up sitting home feeling miserable about myself/the situation and that was a mistake.

You need to reconnect with family and or friends now more than ever, they will help get you out of the house to do things. You may not want to go and when you do at first you may feel miserable doing those things but eventually you'll feel better, just make sure you go out and don't become a shut in.

Also you really should find either a good friend or counselor to talk about your feelings. I definitely helps to get that out.

Someone mentioned about dating and it being kind of shallow but I really tend to agree with that. For some reason I think it's good for your ego to at least date some different women, without the expectation that these will ever amount to a serious relationship. I don't know about you but I tend to be a little on the pessimistic side so when we broke up I internalized everything and just kept thinking that I must be a loser, and how is any other woman going to like me...that kind of crap. But once you've gone out and at least had some interaction with the opposite sex those feelings wll go away.

Good luck and hang in there

Its not quite what I expected when I clicked on this thread.

Been through this twice. The first time was similar to yours. Came home from work, she was gone. Didnt even know there was anything wrong.

As others have said. It will get better. You will be better off for it, even though it doesnt feel that way now. Focus on your relationship with your kids and dont let her keep you from it.

But I think the best advice is for you to find a couselor to talk to. This helps SO much. I know some people are like "Why do I need a counselor, I can just talk to my friends" But a good counselor can make all the different in the world. If you dont like the first one, find a different one.

Most of all, hang in there. Dont worry bout the guitar. If you feel like playing, play. Just take small steps, dont sit around and dwell, dont sink yourself in to alcohol.

Hope you feel better soon

Geoo

You will be better off for it, even though it doesnt feel that way now.

I had to highlight this part because I think it is VERY important. I went through a situation similar to yours, except that my ex kept stringing me along instead of a clean break. Looking back now, I see myself as an incredibly stronger and better person.

Keep this fact in mind. When get come out on the other end of all the junk, you will feel so much better about yourself!

OK more advice....

1 - Get a lawyer/solicitor...yes it'll cost you money, but you want to see the kids don't you....

2 - Forget counselling, in my experience you'll get a college educated middle aged smart-arse know it all who'll utter a few trite, banal cliches... and charge you the earth....

3 - Pick up that guitar! Like I said before, the best way to get over a major life-changing trauma is to write about it, be as nasty as you possibly can, even if it's totally against your nature....it's a form of catharsis, it'll help you get all the negative feelings out of your system....

Hate can be good....it can be productive....proof? Listen to "Positively 4th Street" by Dylan.....

I hope this helps, it's only drawing on my own experience....it helped me, you just have to be strong....."That which does not kill me, makes me stronger"....I forget who said that, but it's true....

Vic

great advice from Vic. I second the counsellor thing.

Matt

I hate to admit that I have had more than my fair share of counselors, but in all honesty the best on I ever had was a college educated middle aged with a nice arse. :oops:

But everyone experiences and ways of dealing with situations are different.

Completely agree with Vics point number 1 though.

Geoo

You will be better off for it, even though it doesnt feel that way now.

I had to highlight this part because I think it is VERY important. I went through a situation similar to yours, except that my ex kept stringing me along instead of a clean break. Looking back now, I see myself as an incredibly stronger and better person.

Keep this fact in mind. When get come out on the other end of all the junk, you will feel so much better about yourself!

Ditto! I also think that I'm a better person for having gone through all I had to.You will come out of this a better person. Hang tough!

Thanks for everyones replies, I'm sorry for the slow response, I've just been away from the computer a few days. I'm happy to report, that I did spend a little more time with the guitar this weekend, and it was relaxing.

I have done as some suggested by trying to put my feelings down in a song, but right now I'm not ready for this... not enough time gone by yet.

I have been meeting with a counselor, the company I work for has a conselor on site once a week so you can met here at work, it's a great benefit. I really like the counselor , a very nice lady she spent 14 years as a nun, shes very cool.

I've meet with my pastor, which helped. I was really struggling with the what did I do wrong, question? He helped me with this.

I'm spending a lot more time with family, that I havent been able to see a lot.

I've been repainting, replacing furniture, pictures, light fixtures, ceiling fans, rugs. you name in it I have completly changed the look of everything in my home, I got tired of triping over memories everywhere, the house got a face lift.

And yesterday, I decided it was time for a new woman in my life, so I got the sunday paper looked in the classified ads and I found her, she's a 2 pound minature dachsund puppy, I'm hoping the companionship will be good. My kids come by my house today there going to flip, they never had a dog, there going to love it.

Thanks again for all the replys, even offline I've recieved encouragement, thanks so much you guys are great. Thanks for listening.

That's it man. Just opne foot in front of the other. The road isn't as long as it seems.

I have done as some suggested by trying to put my feelings down in a song, but right now I'm not ready for this... not enough time gone by yet.

You may not be ready to put them in a song, but maybe a journal or a diary. It really does help. When I went thru it I used to sit and write letters to my ex- never intending to mail any of them but just to vent my feelings. It helped alot.

you are taking the right steps.
had me worried for a sec about that new woman...whao....LOL.

keep talking with the counciler too.

It has been said in many of the replys to your thread to spend time with friends and family and share your emotions, get them out and don't bottle them up.
Since we are among the first you have gone to with this then I feel honored that you view us here at Guitar Noise as your friends.
Along with everything else remember we are always here for you.

Way to go Dave, keep it up. If you keep your mind busy it'll keep you from sitting arond thinking about your situation.

There's no way you can ever make sense of it, it's best to just move on and do the best you can.

You'll live through it!

It has been said in many of the replys to your thread to spend time with friends and family and share your emotions, get them out and don't bottle them up.
Since we are among the first you have gone to with this then I feel honored that you view us here at Guitar Noise as your friends.
Along with everything else remember we are always here for you.

Amen!! And your making a heck of a lot better choices than I did when I went through it. Way to go

Geoo

Glad to hear the followup. Sounds like you've got your priorities straight. I sure didn't for a good while after mine fell apart. Focus on the positives and try to ignore the negatives.