Hi folks,
I wasn't sure whether to put this in the "beginner's q&a" forum or this one, so I chose this one. It is a beginner "question" I feel but... (and this will be long, sorry!)
I recently jammed with a couple of people who I have recently become friends with. They are very good natured people who love to have fun and have an intense love for music and performing. The jam I felt was a monumental failure. I have only ever jammed with *pure strangers* or recent friends once before and it, too, was a very uncomfortable situation that I did not enjoy. Jamming with close friends is different. So I've isolated a few things that seem to have contributed to my failures:
1) I am terrified of performing in front of strangers. Because of this I get tense and lock up and shut down creatively. I have to be shown even the most simple of tricks or licks which I would otherwise pick up easily from close friends. This will only get better with time and with each successive experience, of course, and finding a teacher who (after half a dozen or so) actually demands I take out my guitar and practice with him/her and show him/her my technique so they can see what needs to be worked on.
2) I have a terrible ear. This needs to be worked on badly, and it is nobody's fault but my own that I haven't improved it. I spent almost all of my formulative years with incredible ear problems, ranging from replacing a bone to bad tubes to a hole in my eardrum. That sucks, but what sucks more is that I felt too sorry for myself to use my ears to their fullest potential now that they're healed!
3) I like to think I know my theory fairly well. I know my fretboard like the back of my hand and major, minor, and otherwise scales pose no threat to me! Modes have been relatively conquered as well (minus the occasional slip-up on which half-step goes where... ahem). The problem is applying this "on the fly." Improvising is great over a certain chord progression and I love it, that's what jamming is for, but the idea of playing leads and solos off the top of my head is terrifying. I like making those at home when I have my guitar and the ability to chart out what goes where... but with other musicians in the same room and "here take a solo" is thrown about in the middle of a song, it gets to be scary. On the other hand, if someone shouts out "play this and this chord progression in this and this key," I'm set.
4) I am a "slow" player. I can play rhythm relatively up-tempo but I don't like to, and I like soloing even slower. I have a very meandering, lyrical style of soloing, and it doesn't work with a lot of folks. Hell the fastest guitarist I can cop a feel of is Rick Nielsen or Noel Gallagher, and I'm not at home unless I'm at David Gilmour or Mark Knopfler speeds... I love playing hard rock but hard rock doesn't necessarily mean soloing at Van Halen speeds all the time, or does it? hmm.
5) There are some songs that everyone seems to know in a jam. Beatles and Neil Young songs can pretty much mean you can jam with 90% of the guitarists out there it seems... but when learning a new song I like to have a night to play it through a few times and get used to it. It is very uncomfortable to walk into a jam and ask the other musicians, "Hey, um, I don't know this song at all... can we walk through the parts?" Again this is my fault for 'locking up' but I dedicate an entire night to learning my favorite ZZ Top songs and I want to be able to walk into said jam and play the songs we'll be playing without making everyone take time out to show me this or that. I feel this is a perfectionist fault.
6) I'm not Angus Young but I'm also not Malcolm. I can do more than just play rhythm, but I also like playing rhythm. On some songs I would just like to sit and play rhythm and on others it'd be nice to play lead... this gets me into trouble. It seems that to a lot of folks you need to either be a 'lead' or 'rhythm' guitarist, and that the two aren't interchangeable... I thought I was a guitarist? I have strengths and weaknesses just like everyone, but I can play both, and depending on the song, I might be a better rhythm player than lead player, and vice versa...
7) Technique. I feel rushed in a lot of jamming situations and even just playing in front of strangers alone. I am unsure as to why this is but I just want to scurry along through a song and this makes my technique suffer. The best thing I have going for my playing, the very best thing, is my vibrato and secondly my bends, slides, hammer-ons, and pull-offs. I make up for being a 'slow' player by 'cheating,' and I've worked very hard to get a good vibrato, but when in these situations all of my hard work falls flat. I can't show it. My vibrato is rushed and too quick; my bends are too fast and not emotive enough or they are too slow and rush to release; my slides, hammer-ons and pull-offs are non-existant; my once-emotive playing simply becomes stale. My technique dies. I know I am not phrasing this right and it sounds arrogant, but I know that all of the pedals, amps, and guitars in the world replace having emotive fingers, and if those fingers fail (which in these situations they do), everything else is useless.
Those are the major points which I feel lead to me leaving the couple of jam sessions disappointed. I am so used to an atmosphere of just open fun when I jam with family and close friends, but most of them are much older and wiser and much more open to just friendly jamming, more than happy to show little tricks and parts of songs. The friends who are my age (early 20s) are ecstatic about jamming. Wrong notes at first? Who cares! Bad timing at the get-go? Who cares! After twenty minutes we're all synched together and teaching each other songs and locked into a good groove.
The new friends who I have jammed with a couple of times have been great. They have taught me what I needed to know and have been more than helpful when it was obvious I was nervous and on the verge of backing out of the room quietly. They've both invited me back to jam but I feel I left such a bad impression that I don't want to taint another jam with my presence. Not in a pity-party type of way, but in an honest way; I don't want to be a nuisance. On the other hand, no matter the skill level of another player I jam with, I want to jam with them again, it is so great, a wonderful experience and a great place to learn things...
Regardless, these seem to be the things which seem to lead to me not "getting it" and prevent me from synching up with the other musicians (especially guitarists) at jams. I am mostly thinking out loud here, so I apologize for there not being a direct question! I am simply hoping for some thoughts on the situation. Guitar Noise has always been a great resource for me and I have learned a vast amount from the many kind and knowledgeable folks here, and the wealth of experience can probably smack some sense into me. :)
For what it is worth, I feel finding a teacher who is stern yet respectful with me would be very valuable to dispelling a lot of my anxiety and problems with jamming with strangers. One who has no problem saying, "Take out your guitar and show me how you play this song." Those sorts of teachers, willing to hand out homework and make their students learn, seem to be in short supply, or at least seem to be hard for me to find! My previous teachers have taught me an immense amount of theory and were phenomenal at helping me grasp modes and the likes, but as far as practical applications of technique and said theory go, I've had to learn on my own and from friends and family!
Anyone who would like to comment, feel free and thank you in advance. Please excuse my mindless ramblings... it has been a long, tiresome, eventful, wonderful and at the same time terrible day. Phew, when I was told this guitar/music thing is work, they weren't kidding! ;)
-Bryce
it's supposed to be fun.
maybe a couple bong hits or a couple beers would take the edge off.
anyway, just play what you want... you'll find a fit eventually. there is no set way that you have to play.
Finding a teacher you like is probably a good idea. It's all about learning. And it sounds like the folks you've been playing with have been helping you learn as well. That's great.
The more you learn, the more comfortable you'll become and the more you'll enjoy playing with others. Keep at it.
Do you just walk in to open jams or do you have some songs you're all going to play and have the chance to practice before the jam? That's a good idea. Then you'll feel comfortable with the chord changes, etc.
And don't feel like you have to do everything. If you don't feel like soloing but would rather play rhythm, that's great too. Solo when you feel ready to.
And if you can, play along with CDs. That will help boost your confidence too.
All right, those are my random bits of advice. I think what you're feeling is a natural feeling early on and part of the learning curve. Hang in there.
Well we all shine on--like the moon and the stars and the sun.
-- John Lennon
Check out our forum jams, heck, you can take your time till you get your part right then submit it when you think its ready :wink: we have beginers and advanced players in the same jams, no one will make fun of you ( the mods have a trap door button just in case) :lol: its a good learning tool and its fun--the dog
Don't forget that a jam isn't just about playing music. It's also about being with your friends, doing something you enjoy. So while the music is the end result, you're not there to make the best music possible. You're there to have the most fun possible making music. So don't think of yourself as a nuisance when you don't play your best. The person it bothered the most was you. I'd play with them again. Doing so will make your more comfortable, so you can play better. Once you've played with others long enough, your problem will just disappear. You'll still have learning to do, and you may not know all the songs, but you won't feel awkward asking either. The best way I know of to gain confidence playing is just to do it, and show yourself that you can do it.
As everyone has said, jamming is mostly about just having fun and hearing some great music. It can be a great learning experince as well.
The best jams should have some organization. I recently attended the yearly 4th of July jam at Laz's (Dan Lasley) home. There were about 6 or 7 guitarists playing at all times. Dan played the bass and his friend Scott played drums. Dan had a blackboard (actually it was white) with dry erase markers and an eraser. The chord progression for each song was written out in large letters so everyone could read easily. One person was chosen to sing the particular song. After several verses it was time to solo. People took turns soloing over the progression. Everyone got a chance to choose a song to play.
So with just this little bit of organization everything worked out great. We played dozens of songs. Everyone got a chance to sing, play rhythm, and lead guitar. It was lots of fun.
So next time, try something like this.
Also, QUIT WORRYING. You are taking the fun out of it. Nobody is there to judge you. Believe me, everyone else is just as concerned about their own playing as you. Some people are fast, and some aren't. I have been playing over 30 years and not particularly fast. I have jammed with beginners who have only been playing a few months that can pick faster and even fret quicker than me. But I don't worry about that at all. I play MY WAY and nobody but me can do that.
And that is what you have to do. Play it your way. Nobody cares for a copycat anyway. The most famous musicians are known for their originality. So, if you are a slow melodic player, then play those long slow beautiful notes like David Gilmore. He got pretty famous playing like that!
And don't fill your head with so much theory and such. When you solo just let go and play how you feel within your own abilities. You will still be able to think of a particular scale or mode. This is how improvisation works. You just flow from one idea to another. But always relax and HAVE FUN.
If you know something better than Rock and Roll, I'd like to hear it - Jerry Lee Lewis
Check out our forum jams, heck, you can take your time till you get your part right then submit it when you think its ready :wink: we have beginers and advanced players in the same jams, no one will make fun of you ( the mods have a trap door button just in case) :lol: its a good learning tool and its fun--the dog
+1 I totally suck at online jams, but nobody makes fun of me so I think I'm good... :lol:
Stairway to Freebird!
Thank you everyone for your comments. They are all wonderful and the resounding message seems to be to simply just let the things that don't matter, well, not matter. I have plenty fun with my friends, close and new, when I jam with them. We talk, we play a bit, we laugh, we smile, it is an experience. So there really is no reason to worry... (I have to shake the notion learnt from high school that if you aren't the best, you aren't even worth anyone's time!)
I realize now my original post is more of a 'therapy post' than it is a real question - feel free to bill me $400/hr for all of ya'lls time! It is hard to find solid, seasoned opinions at times, though, so I appreciate all of your efforts. The tech I use wholeheartedly agrees with ya'lls sentiments: just do it, care-free. Go out and play! It can't hurt.
-Bryce
PS - The online jam forum looks really neat. What a cool idea.
If you got invited back to jam again, then you couldn't have been that bad. You should go back.
As noted by Wes, we host jams all the time, but by no means are we the best musicians in the room. We play songs, we make mistakes, we stop and start again, we eat food and sit around.
We have fun!
Laz
Let me say one thing, I've never been one to go to any jams (just because I don't know too many people who play music), but a while ago i was in a band with friends and we weren't the best musicians: in fact both guitarists had just been playing for less then a year, but we had tons of fun and that's what really made it great. It's good that you want to improve and you should always strive to be a better guitar player and musician but make sure you're having fun.
Steve-0
I finally went to my first jam a few weeks ago. It was a blast. I found out that my friend has been wanting to jam for some time, the only problem was that he needed to clean his room so he could get his drum set out. We played for 30 minutes, then had to take a break 'cause our backs were hurtin' (we're only 25 & 26).
So what I'm getting at is; don't feel bad about the jam, if they're your friends they won't care how the jam went. They probably wanted to jam and have fun, as everyone has said over and over.
"If I had a time machine, I'd go back and tell me to practise that bloody guitar!" -Vic Lewis
Everything is 42..... again.
I think everyone has hit the nail on the head.
You mentioned you thought about this or that a number of times in your post. Hey stop thinking so much and just go and have some fun with it.
Here is a thougt or 2.
first off I wonder if these guys you played with worried about their own performances? Hmm.
If you are really as concerned about it as you sound, communicate this with your new friends and get their opinion (I am willing to bet they thought more of your playing than you did)
It is a fact that when you make even a slight mistake you painfully notice every one but other people around you never hear most mistakes, you are your own worst critic.
Just play and have fun.
I've only been jamming for a few weeks with some friends in the pub... well they're friends now...I actually knew one bloke in there when I first started going....
It's nothing too formal or structured, just a bunch of mid-40's to mid 50's blokes sat round playing acoustics....but after 3 weeks of that, I had enough confidence to play an open mic....
My ear has improved, my timing has imroved, I've even started reading other people's fretting fingers...
And I've learned songs I never heard of before....one guy loves to play Wabash Cannonball, it's only 3 chords....
So far, I've played strictly within my limits....don't do solos or anything, but I do pick Working Class Hero where everyone else strums....what I've learned most of all though, is that being a small fish in a big pond isn't necessarily a bad thing....those at the top of the food chain don't mind sharing a few tit-bits with us minnows....it's great fun, and tomorrow (well tonight...it's actually 2 am...) I'm even passing up the chance to watch football on TV to go and jam....
I now look forward to tuesdays more than any night of the week....
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Something that hasn't been mentioned yet:
Experienced guitarists, in my experience, love to see new faces at a jam, because it's a chance to share all those old stories everyone else has already heard with a new audience.
Add in, it's FUN to watch an inexperience guitarist finally "click" into a groove and start having fun.
I've never met someone at a jam session who thought they were too good for the room. And I've played with a lot of people who were.
"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side." -- HST
I love playing with musicians both sides of the spectrum and pretty much all the musicians I know would say the same. If I'm better than somebody then I get as much a buzz out of showing and helping them as I do when it's the other way round and somebody is showing me stuff.
The other thing is that you can learn from both sides, trying to explain something to someone keeps you reminded of things that you may have forgotten or now take for granted and this can be usefull in itself.
If someone has too much an ego then I wouldn't want to be playing with them either way round. Most people with too much ego probably wouldn't invite you back unless it's to show you once again how good they are in which case you probably would'nt want to go back :)
Lee
