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This is funny

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(@wes-inman)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 5582
Topic starter  

I often go to the Harmony Central Musicians ads just to read the ads. I ran across this one. Pretty funny.

Warning- A little bad language, so if that offends you, read no further.

Yeah right. I'm sure you are all closing this thread now. :D

Anyway, here it is.

Singer/Songwriter/Sarcastic SOB
The process of finding and auditioning for bands has to be spawned from a special place in hell, so here's hoping this works:
- I'm in my mid-30's, fat, balding, but talented and creative nonetheless. I've played most of the clubs in this area and have recorded in a Real Life Studio, where I even watched them turn the knobs and gazed at the faders moving and shit. Without being rude, you don't have to be some great pro road-dog or anything, but I'd prefer you've played out more than once in your life (remember, at your 13 year-old nephew's birthday party? Remember, you opened for a clown and a magician?)
- I'd prefer getting into a situation that is established or nearly up and running. Starting from scratch takes patience and a strong stomach and I have neither right now. Just hand me a song list, burn me a cd of your songs, and I'll learn the mothers. And if you need songs, I'll suggest some songs I know or have written.
- I like rock and roll. I can't do metal, because I can't scream really high for long periods of time. I can't do nu-metal or rap metal because I have some sliver of self-respect. I won't do straight-out country, but if that's your influence and it fits into the rock and roll framework, I'm cool with that. Overdriven guitars, strong melodies, great hooks and booming rhythm works for me. And, for God's sake, no polka. Polka scares the crap out of me.
- I'm interested in doing covers and originals in some combination (either covers with some originals or vice versa). I'm not interested in being a party band. I think the genre is pretty much covered. I'm just interested in being a part of a high-energy rock band. That would make me very happy.
- If you think Green Day invented punk, you're too young. If you think the last great rock album was made in 1979, you're too old.
- If you're looking for a lead guitarist, bassist, or keyboardist, I'm not one, so don't answer the ad asking me to be one.
- Must be in the Hartford area. I'm up by UConn, so about a 30 mile radius is what I'm working with. My family likes to see me every once in a while.

Basically, I want to join a cool band that plays cool gigs, records cool songs, and have a cool time. Clay Aiken fans need not apply, unless you'd like a punch in the snout.

If you know something better than Rock and Roll, I'd like to hear it - Jerry Lee Lewis


   
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