Cant trust a boy who writes you love songs

I gotta say wow!

I actually really enjoyed listening to that. I like it....a lot actually.

And you say that's not done?

Keep up the good work!

Hey Surly

As a budding songwriter myself, I have a few comments and general views, although I've not published anything yet I feel I'm not in a position to be critical but I do like listening to music, so here goes...

Overall a pleasant song with a good story, although the theme has been done before (but what hasn't nowadays) :roll:

A bit too repetitious so it needs a break - you have a short musical bridge which doesn't change in tempo or tone so doesn't really help - maybe split the song and use a lyrical bridge but definitely needs a key change somewhere to make it a bit more interesting.

I would probably slow it down a bit as well, but that's just my thoughts...

Rock on!

D 8)

. . . . . and the lyrics are great.
Leaves you wanting to hear he became famous . . .
and they rode off into the sunset . . . in their limo.

In fact, with your permission, I'd like to use similar lyrics in a novel I'm writing
. . . about a minstrel (Lord of the Rings type novel).
needed some lyrics for his songs . . .

I met her at the fest, I was playing my songs,
She danced to my music, while I strummed on the strings.
Payed me no attention, not the man of her dreams,
Her dreams were of better and much, much bigger things.

I wrote her of my love and I put it to a tune,
Showed up on her doorstep, and was singing my song.
Her father protested, and her mother did warn:
“Don't listen to his music, for you he is all wrong”

“He'll sing you his love song and steal away your heart.”
Her father implored her “Listen to your mother”
“His song is alluring, but he is not for you”
“He will take your virtue and leave for another”

thanks alot, im glad you liked it.

dylan, I think we have a similar ear for songwriting. My main criticisms of the song are exactly the same. The subject matter is a cliche and its very repetitive. I rarely write anything resembling a "love-song" for this reason. I think they have been done to death and you really need to do something different to make them worth writing. Still, I wrote this for fun as much as anything.

Also It definately needs a change-up or two. Ive tried a few things but nothing seemed to work so I went to old faithful F-G bridge. But it a temporary solution. I also think it lacks balance at the moment as a story. Like its 2 parts introduction, and 1 part body and then it ends. It needs a little bit more flesh in the middle and towards the end. But as you say, without a good bridge/change up its not going to be able to support any more verses without becoming massively irritating. (more so)

As for the speed, Its actually meant to be fingerpicked but I keep stuffing it up so I thought I would strum it and for some reason I made it faster without realising.

Joe, those verses seem fine to me. The whole concept of boy meets girl at concert is so well trafficked anyway that I could hardly say that its my idea.

thanks for the feedback, keep it coming.

Great song

I like it

Trev...