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I Promise

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Blueline
(@blueline)
Posts: 1704
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Topic starter
 

I wrote this song last night so I've not yet worked out all of the lyrics, tempo, chord changes etc...So this is still a work in progress but I wanted to get some feedback on it. Right now, there's no guitar in it. I wonder if I should add it though.
Also, this is a very, very rough cut. I left in all mistakes, sour notes, everything.

Be warned, since I am just getting the feel for this song, I repeat lyrcis a bit trying to see where they fit or inspire me to write new lyrics. This is a long song!

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6773661

Teamwork- A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.

 
Posted : 02/08/2008 5:05 pm
almann1979
(@almann1979)
Posts: 1281
Noble Member
 

very atmospheric. itll be nice whe you finish it :D

"I like to play that guitar. I have to stare at it while I'm playing it because I'm not very good at playing it."
Noel Gallagher (who took the words right out of my mouth)

 
Posted : 03/08/2008 7:24 am
lars
 lars
(@lars)
Posts: 1120
Noble Member
 

I just posted in the "songs that made you cry" topic. ... here is another candidate - somehow it won't play? - but I looked at the lyrics - I'll see you and raise with a few miles

will check back to listen to it

...only thing I know how to do is to keep on keepin' on...

LARS kolberg http://www.facebook.com/sangerersomfolk

 
Posted : 03/08/2008 8:37 am
Nuno
 Nuno
(@nuno)
Posts: 3995
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Nice song! You need to work on some parts but I like it very much. Perhaps... is it too high for your voice? I think you are working on that too.

Thanks for sharing.

 
Posted : 03/08/2008 10:54 am
dogbite
(@dogbite)
Posts: 6348
Illustrious Member
 

the measures between the lyrics seem to have a bit of confusion; like too many chords.
I like the simplicity or economy of the chords that are played for the lyrics.
this piece almost has a gospel atmosphere to it. I like that.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=644552
http://www.soundclick.com/couleerockinvaders

 
Posted : 03/08/2008 12:12 pm
rparker
(@rparker)
Posts: 5480
Illustrious Member
 

Hi Matt,

Just a few un-educated thoughts.

I can see you're working on some of the things you talked about in another thread. (Hesitation, less is more, etc). Some of the pauses you use would be very effective at assisting with a change-of-tense spot in the lyrics. Kind of like:

:note2: I gonna spank a clown :note2:
:note2: I gonna spank a clown :note2:
pause
:note2: I dis-emboweld that clown :note2:

Poor example, yes, but I hope it made sense.

I also wonder if the pauses are more or less effective (or appreciated) under certain circumstances? Dogbite may have been eluding to? It did seem like at a few points that the music was trying to shift gears un-naturally. Maybe let the chord ring out some more? I don't really know. I apoligize for throwing an incomplete thought out.

Your guitar question is interesting. My first thought, again un-educated, would be to add some itty-bitty fills of the two-three note variety. Nothing in-your-face. Accent, or maybe a bit of a layer kind of thing. Maybe have a mild solo along with the piano and then take a snippet out of the solo and have that be a recurring theme with the fills building to an almost plot-like resolution in the solo itself when it comes along.

Those were just some thoughts. Now here's some others.

Your voice is strong and soulful. At first I strongly disagreed with Nuno. I listened again and can spot what he's talking about. It seems like sometimes when you reach for the high ones, you hit it. Sometimes you don't. Hell, man, I never hit a note, so you're a million miles ahead of me......again. I'm sure a knowledgable vocal coach type person could have that fixed for you in about 5 minutes. You've got a good combination of raspiness and power. I think the power you display with you voice at the 6:12 mark should be utilized a lot more towards the end of the song. (and that one was not your best example. One earlier in the song. I'll listen for it later.) I'm willing to bet that if the last minutes of the song were played with the same tempo, but harder chords and sung with your more powerful voice (maybe in stages), that it would build some sort of increasing.....hell, I can't think of the word....tension? Pinnacle? Apex? Cresendo? Soft songs that can knock you on your arse with power are awesome. I think you could very much do this from what I just heard twice (OK, three times). No doubt in my mind. I think you did a little of it in the last 90 seconds. I think you should do more.

Oh, and you can never bitch about your singing voice again. I am so jealuos. :evil:

I cannot wait to hear future postings and experiments. This was really, really good. Hats off!

Roy
"I wonder if a composer ever intentionally composed a piece that was physically impossible to play and stuck it away to be found years later after his death, knowing it would forever drive perfectionist musicians crazy." - George Carlin

 
Posted : 03/08/2008 1:26 pm
Blueline
(@blueline)
Posts: 1704
Noble Member
Topic starter
 

the measures between the lyrics seem to have a bit of confusion; like too many chords.
I like the simplicity or economy of the chords that are played for the lyrics.
this piece almost has a gospel atmosphere to it. I like that.

dog, you are correct. I'm really just learning (teaching myself) how to play the keys. So I was trying to find my way around. There's a specific chord change that I wanted to do and did it in earlier cuts of this song but somehow could not get it on that take. It's amazing. I sat down at the keyboard, missing my kids, and this just poured out. I couldn't post the other takes because I started to tear up when I was singing. :oops: :oops: Back to your point. I fully agree and thatnks for stating that. It's great to get feedback likde that. It helps me focus. Especially when it comes from a musician such as yourself.

Roy, thanks man. You made a lot of great points. When I go back to this song, I'm going to read through your feeedback (over and over) and address those things. I think the pauses are a good thing. Like you said,some well place pauses can really add to it. I'll work on some small fills withthe guitar. I'm glad you spoke to that! I really want to put some effort into this song and all of yor early feedback has really encouraged me to do so.

Thanks so much to all.

Teamwork- A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.

 
Posted : 03/08/2008 6:32 pm