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New original - Wastin' Away


(@poorpetebest)
Eminent Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 38
Topic starter  

After a very long, mind numbing day I decided I needed to get back in touch with things creatively and wrote and recorded a new song. This is the result:

http://www.tindeck.com/audio/image/b/vopc

Let me know how I could make it better. Thanks for listening!


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(@smokehouse)
Honorable Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 525
 

cant think why there was no feedback on this other than it took a long time to download ...but for me i really enjoyed this nice overall sound ....best smoke

:WHO INVENTED WORK SHOULD COME BACK AND FINISH THE JOB OFF: http://www.soundclick.com/bartin


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(@citizennoir)
Noble Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 1248
 

OMG!
That was wonderful!
Thank you so much :D

Beautiful and Haunting.

It struck an immediate chord with me.
I must say that it truly did make me misty eyed.

It's something a bit close to home for me though.

I wasn't too sure if you were singing about a homeless street person or not, as in the lyrics... this person has a 'bed',
which gave it a homey vision, though the rest seemed to be taking place on the street.
It could have been just someone who felt hopeless, I guess though.

Anyway - Before I got married and became a family man, I was quite the depressed, hopeless, at the end of my rope - DRUNK!
By the time I was 28, I had pretty much given up.
And I drank SOOOOOO much, I was convinced that I would'nt be long for this world.
I actually started giving away ALL of my things.
I'd get calls from my best friend, saying stuff like his wife saw a truck like mine upside down in a ditch,
and they thought I'd finally managed to kill myself in a drinking related accident.

And I seriously thought about 'going homeless'.
I told my dad one night that all I really wanted to do, the only thing that made any sense, was to be a bum.
So, for my next birthday, he gave me a really nice flask and a bottle of bourbon.
His card said something like.... "For that day... when you're all alone, on a bench, out in the cold" (I always wanted to use that in a song about this very thing )
He was always very supportive of my decisions

And for a bit of juxtaposition - I was working in Chicago at the time, at the Board of Trade.
I went to a company party, drank WAY too much....
Went out to another bar downtown, then before they stopped selling - went to a liquor store and got a bottle.

Somehow, I managed to miss the last train home

And so, with nowhere to go, and in my dress clothes, I went and hung out with the rest of the bums
I even managed to make $6.00 panhandling!!!!
Not as easy as you might think - when you're wearin' dress clothes!!!!

In the morning, I went right back to work.... In my dirty crumpled clothes, stained tie, still drunk, smelling like a brush fire....
I had enough money to buy lunch though :D

So - your beautiful song took me back to those days and those feelings.
No, it didn't make me wanna indulge in all that again... I could just really 'understand'.
You captured it so well.
That feeling that I was wasting away and I didn't care... What would it matter in a bigger sense....?
And that any concern by a handful of individuals was insincere at best.
That I was 'unable' to be loved or maybe that there was no such thing as love or that love isn't 'real' anyway,
so don't try, 'cause I can see right through you.

ANYWAY....
Back to our show,

The only thing that I might look into is the ending - where you slow down the tempo for the book end lyrics....
The first time I listened, it seemed a little off.
I like the slowing down idea... I'm just not sure that it went to the best tempo is all.
The second listen through, I was expecting it.

Anyway,
Thankx again.
I really enjoyed this :D

Ken

"The man who has begun to live more seriously within
begins to live more simply without"
-Ernest Hemingway

"A genuine individual is an outright nuisance in a factory"
-Orson Welles


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(@dan-t)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 5072
 

Very nice song, I enjoyed listening to it. 8)

Dan

"The only way I know that guarantees no mistakes is not to play and that's simply not an option". David Hodge


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(@poorpetebest)
Eminent Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 38
Topic starter  

Wow, thanks for the responses!

CitiZenNoir, I'm glad it had such an effect on you. I was feeling kind of down while I was writing it and was imagining what it would be like to throw it all away. When I was coincidentally in Chicago last I was approached by an old homeless man while waiting for a train. Instead of asking for money though he just sat down and we talked till the train came by. There was something genuine about him, something that felt like he really tried to take things a different way but life just shoved him into the streets. I guess all that rolled up into this song.

I'm working on that ending. I agree that it doesn't seem to end it smoothly enough.

Thanks again for listening everybody!


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(@smokindog)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 5359
 

Yeah, I can relate to that also. Like Zen, I had my bout with Mr. Barley Corn Back in the 70's and early 80's. Nice melancholy sound. The only change I would suggest is to pick up the tempo a bit, but thats just subjective on my part :D

My Youtube Page
http://www.youtube.com/user/smokindog
http://www.soundclick.com/smokindogandthebluezers

http://www.soundclick.com/guitarforumjams


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