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Bass Player Jokes

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slejhamer
(@slejhamer)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 3221
Topic starter  

No offense intended, no apologies offered ... :wink:

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Did you hear about the bass player who was so depressed about his bad timing that he threw himself behind a train?

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Why don't bass players tell blonde jokes?
They don't understand them.

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What do you throw a drowning bass player?
His Amp.

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How does a bass player count 7/8 time?
1-2-3-4-5-6-sev-en

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What's the difference between a bass player and a pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four.

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How many rock bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the guitar player has to show him how to do it.

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How many pop bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The keyboard player does it with his left hand.

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How many country bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One. Five. One.

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How many reggae bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Light bulb? We spent da' money on ganja, mon!

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How many metal bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five -- 1 to change the light bulb and 4 to keep the guitarist from hogging all the light.

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How many jazz bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Forget the changes, lets just play!

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How many acoustic bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to do the job and another to complain that it's electric.

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How many blues bass players does it take to change a light bulb.
None - they can't afford the replacement.

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How many New Age bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but the light bulb has to really want to change.

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Have you heard about the bass player who locked his keys in his car and nearly missed his gig?
It took him 15 minutes to get his drummer out.

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What's the hardest 3 years of a bass player's life?
Second grade.

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In a club the band just finished their sound check when the owner sitting at the bar catches the bandleaders eye and shouting across the dance floor says to bring over his musicians for a talk. Noticing the bandleader gesturing the bass player to come over, too, he shouts over again "No, no, I meant the MUSICIANS!"

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Why are there four strings on a bass?
Three are spares.

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Son: "Daddy, I want to grow up and be a bass player."
Father: "Son, you can't have it both ways."

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What's the difference between a savings bond and a bass player?
The savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.

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How do you get a bass player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.

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Little Johnny's father finally agrees to teach him to play bass, just like his dad. For the first lesson, Dad shows Johnny the E string and tells him to practice thumping on just that string. Nice, even quarter notes. For the second lesson, Dad shows Johnny the A string, telling him to just thump away on it - again, nice, even quarter notes. For the third lesson, Dad shows him how to go back and forth: A - E - A - E. Back and forth, just like a country bass line. Nice, even quarter notes. When Johnny doesn't show up for his fourth lesson, Dad calls his wife at work to see if Johnny forgot about his lesson. The wife replies, "Oh. Didn't you hear? He left this morning to tour with Garth Brooks."

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Just before rehearsal is about to start on the Orchestra's "Bring Your Child to Work Day," the conductor is horrified to see the bass player hitting one of the children.

"You can't do that!" he yells. "Why are you hitting him?"

"He slackened one of my strings" replies the bass player.

"No problem," says the conductor. "Just tune the string up again."

"I can't!" screams the bass player. "He won't tell me which one."

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How many Bassist jokes are there?
Just this one -- all the rest are true!

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"Everybody got to elevate from the norm."


   
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margaret
(@margaret)
Noble Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 1675
 

:lol: :lol: :lol:

This is my favorite:

Have you heard about the bass player who locked his keys in his car and nearly missed his gig?
It took him 15 minutes to get his drummer out.
:twisted:

But I'll admit, I don't get this one.

How many country bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One. Five. One.

Can someone please explain? And no, I'm not blonde!

Margaret

When my mind is free, you know a melody can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue, the guitar's comin' through to soothe me ~


   
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greybeard
(@greybeard)
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Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 5840
 

G, C, G, C, G (V), C, (I), V, I

I started with nothing - and I've still got most of it left.
Did you know that the word "gullible" is not in any dictionary?
Greybeard's Pages
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margaret
(@margaret)
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Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 1675
 

Greybeard wrote: G, C, G, C, G (V), C, (I), V, I

OOOOH!

duh :oops:

Thanks, Greybeard.

Margaret

When my mind is free, you know a melody can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue, the guitar's comin' through to soothe me ~


   
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AKFlyingV
(@akflyingv)
Honorable Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 406
 

Hey slej, I found this website http://www.wholenote.com/humor/guitar.asp its got a lot more jokes for guitarist, drummers, everything.


   
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xg5a
 xg5a
(@xg5a)
Honorable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 482
 

^^Extremely funny site!


   
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Misanthrope
(@misanthrope)
Noble Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 2261
 

There's quite a few in there I hadn't heard (and I often hang around in a shop run by a guy obsessed with that kind of joke), nice one :)

ChordsAndScales.co.uk - Guitar Chord/Scale Finder/Viewer


   
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Anonymous
(@anonymous)
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Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 8184
 

the timing jokes and the idiot jokes are usually for the drummer.
what did the drummer get on his iq test? drool
how do you make a guitar player play slower? put sheet music in front of him
what do you call two guitar players playing in unison? counterpoint


   
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chuckster
(@chuckster)
Prominent Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 938
 

Thanks Jason for bumping this. I would have missed it otherwise.

Slej, you've made my day. My son has just taken up the bass. Can't wait for him to get in from college. Gonna hit him with the full broadside. :lol:

8)

I've had a lot of sobering thoughts in my time.
It was them that turned me to drink.


   
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smokindog
(@smokindog)
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Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 5345
 

Q:What does it mean when the bass player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth
A: The stage is level :lol:

My Youtube Page
http://www.youtube.com/user/smokindog
http://www.soundclick.com/smokindogandthebluezers

http://www.soundclick.com/guitarforumjams


   
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lunchmeat
(@lunchmeat)
Estimable Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 153
 

My favorite is the 1-2-3-4-5-6-sev-en. Oh, I laughed.

Put sheet music in front of him indeed - that reminds me of the video someone posted about chord diagrams! Great stuff.

"Ah, Ah can't play it wi'out the little dots, y'know...they show you where t' put your fingers"

-lunchmeat


   
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Number6
(@number6)
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Posts: 152
 

Q:What does it mean when the bass player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth
A: The stage is level :lol:

Funny, I heard that as guitarist joke.

Does this only have to be about bassists? How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? None! We have machines that do that now!

The hunger site. Click once a day to give free food.


   
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Bish
 Bish
(@bish)
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Posts: 3636
 

Q:What does it mean when the bass player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth
A: The stage is level :lol:

Funny, I heard that as guitarist joke.

Does this only have to be about bassists? How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? None! We have machines that do that now! :evil: Watch it, buster! :D

Bish

"I play live as playing dead is harder than it sounds!"


   
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rparker
(@rparker)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 5480
 

how do you make a guitar player play slower? put sheet music in front of him

Slower? With me, that'd be a grinding halt. :lol:

Roy
"I wonder if a composer ever intentionally composed a piece that was physically impossible to play and stuck it away to be found years later after his death, knowing it would forever drive perfectionist musicians crazy." - George Carlin


   
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Anonymous
(@anonymous)
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Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 8184
 

let's hear it for the opening band. they really put the "rock" in rock n roll.
thank god they don't play country.


   
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