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Excuse me do you have Elephants in the street ??!!

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(@minus_human)
Reputable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 381
Topic starter  

These are Questions about South Africa that were posted on a South African Tourism Website,
they were answered by the website owner.

**STICKY Perhaps Depends whos' reading**
Just found this a good laugh and eye opening aswell - i don't know if the people asking these questions were trying to be funny or sniffing something but hey here you go..

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated

while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV,

so how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them

die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad

tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres. Take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden)

A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a

list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa?

(USA)

A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific. A-fri-ca is

the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not... oh

forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow.

Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get there and

we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is..

oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in

Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)

A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you

tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population

is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)

A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round?

(Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is

illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense

rattlesnake serum. USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South

African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled although sometimes

they get aggressive and make good pets.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Minus Human

And all the things you said to me
I need your arms to welcome me
But a cold stone's all I see

Let my heart go


   
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(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 2957
 

Don't mean to spoil the fun but....

(a) There is no such creature as a Koala Bear ...

(b) Us Aussies hate that saying a Koala Bear

THEY ARE KOALAS . TRUST ME

http://www.koala.net/index.htm

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


   
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(@alangreen)
Member
Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 5342
 

LOL - last time I saw this it was an Australian website and Hillbrow was Kings Cross. It's still funny. though.

"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk


   
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(@dan-t)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 5044
 

LOL :lol:

Some funny stuff! :lol:

Dan

"The only way I know that guarantees no mistakes is not to play and that's simply not an option". David Hodge


   
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(@musenfreund)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 5108
 

I agree it's amusing, but we do want to try to keep the O & P section a tad bit more focused on music. Just a gentle reminder from one of the local moderators! ;)

Well we all shine on--like the moon and the stars and the sun.
-- John Lennon


   
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(@greybeard)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 5840
 

My wife came home from work today and told me she'd had a customer who wanted to be checked into his flights to Fiddledelfidia and onto Milky Way. She had difficulty as he only had tickets to Philadelphia and Milwaukee!
She regularly has people who are going to Future-venture (Fuerteventura) and Fookay (Phuket, pronounced poo-ket).

I started with nothing - and I've still got most of it left.
Did you know that the word "gullible" is not in any dictionary?
Greybeard's Pages
My Articles & Reviews on GN


   
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(@margaret)
Noble Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 1675
 

Minus,

Thank You! That's a belly laugher!!!

We all need those now and then.

Margaret

When my mind is free, you know a melody can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue, the guitar's comin' through to soothe me ~


   
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