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How many bands have you been in?

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(@threegtrz)
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Joined: 21 years ago
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I'd like to find out from posters about their history with bands over the years - how many they have been in, for how long etc. I just had to bid my two musical friends goodbye because of relocation and a squabble between band wives. But I got to looking at the number of bands I have tried, or been a part of and left over the past decade. It brought to mind a quote from the TV show "Justified":

"You run into an a**hole in the morning, you ran into an a**hole,” Raylan explains to Adair. “You run into a**holes all day, you’re the a**hole.”

A number of the bands I have left were peopled with players possessing below average musicianship, no ambition, or both. If I found a group I loved working with, and then had to resign after being with them for a long time, it was always due to external forces beyond anyone's control. Still, I was alarmed by the number of groups I had been some part of over the years. And leaving a band never feels amicable. I took the high road leaving this last group, but I still sense a lot of resentment simply because I moved away.

I'm in a new town with a new music scene now and wish to avoid being labeled as "that guy". At the same time I don't wish to be a pushover who will jump into a musical bed with the first group that looks my way.


   
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(@alangreen)
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Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 5342
 

Erm, five I think. But most of that time I've been a soloist too.

"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk


   
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(@notes_norton)
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Joined: 16 years ago
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I don't remember. But then I started playing in bands in the 1960s. ;)

Bob "Notes" Norton

Owner, Norton Music http://www.nortonmusic.com Add-on Styles for Band-in-a-Box and Microsoft SongSmith

The Sophisticats http://www.s-cats.com >^. .^< >^. .^<


   
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 cnev
(@cnev)
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Joined: 21 years ago
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I'm the last person to comment but I will anyway. I've only started this band thing recently but already have gone through 3 bands and now looks like we'll be working on a 4th.

Musicianship has been the least of the problems it's more about the interactions of the band members and in my limited time it's been nothing but drama and nonsense.
I think first you have to like and get along with the person and then the music can work but most times that's not how it goes.

It's usually goes something like you need a guitar player or whatever, end up finding someone quickly only to find out the guy/gal is a tool and regardless of how "good" they are they are not fun being around or playing with.

But it's hard to get to know someone especially as you get older your not with them very much like when you were young and all hang out together so the band is just an extension of your already established friendship. Those bands to me tend to last longer.

We just had a show the other night and the guitar player quit halfway through the second set. Blamed everyone in the band and said we all sucked yet he was the one that made the most mistakes that night. But he has a huge ego (why I'm not sure) and he's not what he thinks he is.

Anyway if you have any kind of ego then you are the problem. Ego's are the quickest way to kill a band or anything else involving multiple people, especially when your talking about a local band. It ain't that big of a deal.

"It's all about stickin it to the man!"
It's a long way to the top if you want to rock n roll!


   
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(@notes_norton)
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I remember reading an article about Count Basie a loooooooong time ago.

It mentioned that Mr. Basie used to take attitude over talent. As long as the player was adequate, he would take a lesser player over a more talented player with a bad attitude.

And I've seen that in bands I've been in. Some people forget that when people describe what we do, the term is play music. If you're up there for any other reason than to have fun, you may as well get a day job.

The person who is up there criticizing every mistake his/her band members make is not welcome in my band. Neither is the person who thinks the world revolves around him/her or the person who is only there to score some sexual partners, nor the one who is so serious about this that he carries a stiff attitude on stage. We do our serious practicing in the woodshed, but when it comes time to be on stage, we must remember we are playing music. Whether you are playing jazz, country, blues, dance, or even a symphony, you should be having fun.

I remember going to a Florida Philharmonic concert years ago. We stopped to get a cup of coffee at a convenience store, and an orchestra member was also getting some coffee (double bass player). We complemented him on the performance of the evening and he said, "Yeah, we had a lot of fun.'

Of course we should be professional too. Show up on time and prepared, play the appropriate music for the audience, dress appropriately, don't overextend the breaks, be easy to work with and so on.

I've been in bands where the first wrong note brings dirty looks from another band member - and I've been in bands where members help each other when they get into trouble and then laugh about it after the gig. I'll take the latter any day.

I make my living doing music and nothing but music. Why? Because it's fun. Sure there is also work involved, but when I get on stage and play music for my friends (the audience) it's the most fun I can have with my clothes on.

I could have been an electronics engineer, I took a lot of electronics in college. I would have made a lot more money as an EE. Do I regret my choice? Not for a minute.

Some wise sage said that if a man makes his living doing what he would do for free, he will never work a day in his life. (Of course this works for females as well). Other than a few 'day gigs' I've had while testing the 'real world', I've never worked a day in my life. Instead I've played music every day.

FWIW - My advice? When joining a band, or hiring musicians for your band, think of Count Basie and find good playmates.

Insights and incites by Notes

Bob "Notes" Norton

Owner, Norton Music http://www.nortonmusic.com Add-on Styles for Band-in-a-Box and Microsoft SongSmith

The Sophisticats http://www.s-cats.com >^. .^< >^. .^<


   
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 cnev
(@cnev)
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Notes as usual you are the man. That's it in a nutshell.

Attitude/ego whatever you want to call it is the quickest way to kill a band and pretty much everything else.

Usually, people like that are actually insecure with themselves and have to knock people down to make themselves feel good.

I tried explaining to him we were in this together and we should all want the other guys to do the best they can every night not look for things to cut them down about.

I have no delusions about what/who I am as a musician or where we are going as a band. This is just one of many things I like to do but if someone thinks I sux that bad then I guess they should just go find people that are as skilled as themselves.

But we are a bunch of middle aged guys playing rock music in a cover band...come on get over yourself no one is going anywhere with this it is what it is a fun way to spent a few nights and maybe entertain some people.

threegtz - Squabbles with wives? I assume this had to do with things outside of the band or else there's the problem. Unless they are an active member of the band wives should be seen and not heard from. Let them carry some gear and go be a fan that's it as soon as they start making "suggestions" it's trouble. Never mix your two worlds. This would be the same for guys if their wife was in a band also.

If you aren't in the band we don't need your advice on how to do things. Before our band just imploded one of the wives decided (without asking anyone) to create a Facebook page for the band and do our marketing. Sounds nice eh. Well the Facebook page was ridiculous it had pictures of fairies and stuff a 13 year old girl would do and didn't represent the band at all. When I mentioned why she didn't ask anyone in the band and no one liked the pictures could she change them she said she wasn't changing anything. Huh? What kind of nonsense is that? That's the kind of stuff that happens when non-members get involved.

"It's all about stickin it to the man!"
It's a long way to the top if you want to rock n roll!


   
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(@notes_norton)
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Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 1497
 

Definitely, wives and girlfriends that are not band members should stay out of the band's business. If there is a girl in the band, same goes for her mate.

And if there is an unattached member of the opposite sex in the band, the rule should be, "Hands off". In the bands I've been in with one female member, we treated her like she was our sister. That was the rule.

Nothing can break up a band faster than competition for sexual companionship.

Notes.

Bob "Notes" Norton

Owner, Norton Music http://www.nortonmusic.com Add-on Styles for Band-in-a-Box and Microsoft SongSmith

The Sophisticats http://www.s-cats.com >^. .^< >^. .^<


   
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(@threegtrz)
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Joined: 21 years ago
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Topic starter  

Gentlemen

As usual, thank you for your gifted insight. "Fun" and "play" should be the operative words.

I covered the "squabble" in a previous post, but the drummer and I had a pretty good relationship off-stage and we and our wives would do stuff together. Then the wives had a fight and quit speaking. My wife would not go to anymore gigs, and it turned into an awkward drag.

Because of that, I will disagree slightly at one philosophy. I value my wife's opinion more than anyone's. She will say when things went well and she will break the bad news when they don't whether I want her to or not. She would not presume to dictate policy - she knows better - but a supportive band spouse is an invaluable asset. They sacrifice the time with you, stay the late hours, pay for their own drinks, and clap after every song even after hearing them a thousand times.


   
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 cnev
(@cnev)
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threeg - supporting you and giving her opinion to "you" is fine as long as it doesn't carry over to the other band members. I think you have to remember you married her not the rest of the band and unless she is a professional in the business her opinion is just that an opinion from someone not in the band.

Do you really need someone's wife or significant other telling you how things went, can't the band figure it out on their own?

Like I said this band thing is relatively new to me but I have played organized sports in school and since I've been out and I can't imagine someone's wife telling us what plays didn't work and such. Its the same thing in a band.

Maybe that's why you have had some issues with prior bands. Bandmates might not feel comfortable telling you to have your wife back off cuz they know it will not go over well which leads to underlying resentment from the rest of the band members.

This I know well since I am in the exact same position now and I am seriously ready to give it up if I have to listen to the drummer's wife's opinion every time we practice etc. it's not fun.

Just my opinion.

"It's all about stickin it to the man!"
It's a long way to the top if you want to rock n roll!


   
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(@notes_norton)
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Joined: 16 years ago
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I agree, a good wife will pull no punches, but land them as gently as you need. But she should tell them to you, not the other band members.

Then you can address the problem with the band. Depending on the other band members, it would be OK to say something like, "My wife called my attention to this, and after careful listening, I tend to agree. Give it a listen and see what you think."

Tons of tact can be very useful.

I remember reading an interview with a record producer. If he thought something was wrong, say like the guitar solo was too busy, he would say, "Try this for me. Play fewer notes and more lyrically." The guitarist might get bummed out and try it.

Then the producer would say, "Never mind. You were right, my idea wasn't as good." And he would notice the next take the guitarist would play less busy and more melodically.

When there is a difference of artistic opinion, it helps to compliment the other's idea first. "You know, that's a good way to do it, but I'd like to give my way a try too, and then we can decide which one serves the music better."

My wife and I are in a duo together. We don't need to be as tactful as we did with other musicians when we were in a 5 piece band together. But we are still gentle with each other. No punches are pulled though, because the music always must come first.

Notes

Bob "Notes" Norton

Owner, Norton Music http://www.nortonmusic.com Add-on Styles for Band-in-a-Box and Microsoft SongSmith

The Sophisticats http://www.s-cats.com >^. .^< >^. .^<


   
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 cnev
(@cnev)
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Notes you are in a unique situation where a spouses opinion is wanted and expected and to me that is the ONLY time their opinions should be brought up too the band.

If a wife wants to say to the band you guy's sounded great tonight that's fine that's more of support than anything else but that's about where it should begin and end.

"It's all about stickin it to the man!"
It's a long way to the top if you want to rock n roll!


   
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(@threegtrz)
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Joined: 21 years ago
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Topic starter  

Guys

Her unflinching opinion was given to me and me alone. Usually over Sunday morning coffee.

But when the band members were sitting around with the wives and having a few, she would be asked for her thoughts and she was nothing but a cheerleader in that capacity.


   
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 cnev
(@cnev)
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That's perfect and the way it should be support but not interference. I'm not anti-wife or anything I just think those kind of things are best dealt with just within the band but like notes said if she mentioned something that you thought was worth bringing up you should be the one that carries that message not her to the band. sounds like you don't have a problem there.

I have found in general that most women for whatever reason tend to be catty and jealous of other women not sure why but I have seen it in many women over the years and many have told me the same thing. Men tend to argue with each other and get it out good or bad woman tend to be a bit more vindictive and usually in subtle ways, but they know what they are doing.

"It's all about stickin it to the man!"
It's a long way to the top if you want to rock n roll!


   
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