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I have a bad feeling......

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(@fleaaaaaa)
Prominent Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 680
Topic starter  

Hi I'm in a band at the mo..... I keep hearing band members using a certain word that... well generally the only people who use it are racists.

I got some advice tonight that I shouldn't go to Birmingham because there's too many Asians there.... I tried to say something back but she didn't hear me my response was first of all "I like Birmingham" when she repeated there were too many Asians I said "Asians are lovely" but she didn't hear that part.

I was wanting to get a Love music hate racism t-shirt not subtle at all but never mind I don't really know where to get one. We also email each other I was thinking of attaching this at the bottom of my emails from now on lol.

But again I don't really want to point fingers and say "you are a racist" in not so many words...... it's really hard what do I do? They seem okay people until they come out with the views on certain people who rhyme with tacky and begin with a P.

Help?

together we stand, divided we fall..........


   
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(@gnease)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 5038
 

This is important: Right now -- not later, after it's gone on a while -- right now, you have to establish your feelings about this before it appears you passively condone the behavior. You should make it clear that you are not comfortable, tolerant -- whatever words work for you -- of racial slurs, and prefer they not be used in conversation with you. Do make it a lecture (won't usually work). But you don't even have to give a reason, as you are on the high ground here. However, should you need one, something like I've had a number of Asian friends or buddies or acquaintances and would never think of calling them ********s might work. Just remember, the longer it goes on and you do nothing, the more difficult to squelch this later. That person should feel uncomfortable displaying such behavior around you -- not the other way around. Again: Be firm, to the point and say as little as possible about it after expressing your opinion.

And good luck. Hopefully she respects you enough to comply.

-=tension & release=-


   
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(@dogbite)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 6348
 

I am sorry you had to experience that kind of rubbish. the language they used displayed their ignorance.
it is a damaging rhetoric in that it is then aped by the little kids. I agree with gnease. you must follow your conscience.
it is best not to retaliate or take a passive aggressive route. the reaction then is focused to that rather than the point at hand.
between you and me...'I like Birmingham' is brilliant. vocalize your feelings to her (them) that speaks to your disappointment in hearing that kind of language and attitude towards others.

I like your t shirt idea.
it would work as a sig too.
you should see the rear fender of my truck.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=644552
http://www.soundclick.com/couleerockinvaders


   
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(@scrybe)
Famed Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 2241
 

+2 on gnease's comments.

Ra Er Ga.

Ninjazz have SuperChops.

http://www.blipfoto.com/Scrybe


   
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(@crkt246)
Honorable Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 592
 

+3 on Gregs comment


   
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(@fleaaaaaa)
Prominent Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 680
Topic starter  

Aye it's not just one either though I've heard all of them use the word...... gah hopefully I've not left it too late. Do I say something to all of them at once or one of them? Could be a bit messy........ Beginning to wonder who they'll be voting for on thursday LOL not BNP PLEAAAAAAASE!

together we stand, divided we fall..........


   
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(@smokindog)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 5345

   
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(@musenfreund)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 5108
 

Yep, sage advice. Sorry to hear you're in this situation. I'd tell the whole group you're not comfortable with the language or attitude as matter-of-factly as possible. And if they don't respect you now, you're certainly not going to get on well with them over the long run.

Well we all shine on--like the moon and the stars and the sun.
-- John Lennon


   
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(@rparker)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 5480
 

Good luck Flea! Tough to deal with life's conflicts between good & evil as they sometimes do not end up with a binary situation or result.

I've run into tons of that here. Not so much anymore, but 20 years ago.....wow. Lectures don't work, as mentioned earlier. Avoidance doesn't work unless all of a sudden, EVERYONE avoids them. Remember, you're dealing with the thick-of-head, so they might not even recognize that if it hit them.

Me? I'm a bit of a jerk. My favorite tactic is that of a sniper. I lay waiting in ambush, so to speak, then attack when I hear crap. My favorite line when I start to hear that stuff is to rapid-slap the back of my neck and say, "hang on guys, let me get my neck the right shade for this conversation." (I just called them rednecks and laughed at them in one swift statement.) Other things work too, like "at least their parents were married" (calling the offender a b***ard) or something. You're clever. It'll come.

Roy
"I wonder if a composer ever intentionally composed a piece that was physically impossible to play and stuck it away to be found years later after his death, knowing it would forever drive perfectionist musicians crazy." - George Carlin


   
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(@scrybe)
Famed Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 2241
 

tbh, I wouldn't wanna play in a band full of jerks anyway.

FWIW, I'm mixed race, although I don't really look, um, african, lol. In uni I was in the union bar and two guys who were friends of friends want on a long rant against black people. I let them go on and on. when they took a break, I just looked at them, very deadpan, and said, "uh, you do realise I'm half-nigerian, don't you?" they immediately turned redder than a Liverpool shirt andstarting trying to apologise and dig themselves out of the situation (saying they were just joking), but I just got up and walked away. Every time they saw me after that, they seemed prett uncomfortable. I guess it served as a constant reminder of what utter ***** they'd been.

Ra Er Ga.

Ninjazz have SuperChops.

http://www.blipfoto.com/Scrybe


   
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