Skip to content
Notifications
Clear all

3:1 -- Sienna

8 Posts
7 Users
0 Likes
1,721 Views
sunsetN!nja
(@sunsetncnja)
Trusted Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 40
Topic starter  

Sienna
by BJM

In a swirl of colors and a little pain,
I spilled my heart and hung it up on a frame.
An image of a party in a southwest town,
Mixed an Azul sky above Sienna ground.

Window to a place that I only see
In the corner of my eye in another dream.
Never meant to say anymore than "Son,
don't mince about meaning till your living is done."

[chorus]
Hanging on the edge.
Of what I know and when I don't care.
Brush strokes bring me back again.
Never good enough
to swear on God that I was more than
an abstraction doused in red.

Less of my colors when it was combined,
you took that dingy old town and took to the sky.
Streamers and a church in the countryside,
it isn't realism unless seen from inside.


   
Quote
Rob
 Rob
(@rob)
Trusted Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 53
 

hi

had to read it a second time to get it, but thats a good thing.

great descriptions and imagery

good work

rob :)


   
ReplyQuote
Olav
 Olav
(@olav)
Estimable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 150
 

SunsetN!nja
This is a very clever use of imagery, and yes it took me a couple of reads to nail it down.
I love the line: I spilled my heart and hung it up on a frame” That is a line that spoke to an oil-painter-wanna-be. As I was reading it I found myself singing the lyric and realized it has a very nice flow to it.
So keep it up and keep’em coming.
Blessings.
Olav


   
ReplyQuote
scratchmonkey
(@scratchmonkey)
Honorable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 603
 

Hey susnsetNinja,

Some really terrific lines in here. Like the whole second verse. I really like the last line as well, but it seems just slightly off to me. tough to sing.

"it isn't realism unless seen from inside."

maybe something like:

"It just isn't real if you don't see it inside"

But with the music you have in mind and the phrasing, it could work just fine the way you have it.

Also, the Azul sky part. I realize the picture in the subject is in a southwest setting, but this is the only place in the song where you use a spanish word, and it might seem a bit out of place. When I read it the first time, my mind automatically read it as "azure". And I think azure would flow better alongside sienna.

That's just my nit-picky $0.02. On the whole, I love it, it's a really great piece of writing.

-- Scratch 8)

-- Scratch 8)


"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42


   
ReplyQuote
CheapThrill
(@cheapthrill)
Estimable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 224
 

hey n!nja,

well i hate to have to say this but i don't get it. i get the part about the painting and taking you back to that town, but otherwise i kow i didn't get what the others posters her got. right over my head, and i an not even short.

very nice imagery here. "In a swirl of colors and a little pain" very nice line. good overall flow and rhythm even if i didn't really understand it all.

-CheapThrill


   
ReplyQuote
sunsetN!nja
(@sunsetncnja)
Trusted Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 40
Topic starter  

Thanks for the replies. I took some chances with this one and it seems from the replies that some of it worked and some of it was a little unclear. The words "Azul" and "Sienna" were the labels on the paint tubes, I didn't realize that it might suggest something else because of "Azul" being a spanish word. The song is about a painting on my wall that I started, lost interest in, and then my dad actually finished it. It's all basically globs of paint and a blur of color that if you look at it for a while, is a picture of a horse cart being drawn through a fiesta in a village.


   
ReplyQuote
MikeM
(@mikem)
Trusted Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 45
 

I thought this was excellent and really liked the last verse which I think expressed the whole purpose of the song.

"Less of my colors when it was combined,
you took that dingy old town and took to the sky.
Streamers and a church in the countryside,
it isn't realism unless seen from inside."

"Don't get trapped by the tyranny of four" Rikky Rooksby


   
ReplyQuote
Celt
 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2649
 

Sunset,

Great imarery. Love that last line:"it isn't realism unless seen from inside."

Celt

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
ReplyQuote