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48 War Party

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(@nroberts)
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Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 305
Topic starter  

This one isn't very good, which sucks because I think it deserves to be. Maybe it can be fixed...

War Party

Break out those heavy tunes and
Shove another round in the tube
I'm all reved up and ready to go
Come watch my rocket red glow

Turn the music up some more and we'll
Let the bodies hit the floor
'Cause there's no need for concern
Just let the mother fucker burn

Sanitized for youth anesthitized I hear your jingo jangle call
Barbaric pride is the force that drives our war party thrall

The fun just never fails when you're
Hangin' downtown with Azrael
Our bullets vomit forth like hail
Spilling blood, brains and entrails

Sanitized for youth anesthitized I hear your jingo jangle call
Barbaric pride is the force that drives our war party thrall

I get the idea from the movie Ferenheight 9/11 where the kids in Iraq were saying what kind of music they like to listen to while blowing people up. That was the single most disturbing part for me.


   
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(@smokindog)
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Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 5345
 

8) 8) WOW, heavy man! I saw ferenheight the other day for the first time and if that don't make you think, nothing will!
A great twist to this weeks topic! I would go over each line and see if you can use fewer words, I find this usually fixes about 75% of my problems :D For example the line "Break out those heavy tunes and"
would work better without the and. This is going to be a great song :D :D --smokindog

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(@straycat)
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Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 1282
 

Jesus this is great!

I was going to leave the forum...read your title and thought...hm...that would've been an idea write about the election parties in the USA...read it and man, this is serious. so I was not quite right but not that wrong on the other hand;)

I watched the movie like a month ago(?...can't remember)and was really shocked by that particular scene- they've not seemed to be aware of what they do over there at all...no guilt..and I can't understand why the statistics on cnn still said if the vote was today, bush would win. after all that's been happening...and it was in the news today that bush admitted that there were no weapons of mass destruction BUT they wanted some!! like kindergarden, really it's no reason to start a war, right? he wanted some...!
thumbs up for michael moore.

anyway enough of that now, and on to your song(sorry gotta return to that scene once again...how dare they make 'firewater burn' a killing song? the band must hate it)..the idea behind it is undoubtful excellent and worth a song. I wouldn't say it is bad. I like the phrase 'rocket red glow'. why is it I always let the 'the' slip when reading line #2 of the second verse? I'm not doing it on purpose it's just as if I don't see it, it doesn't need to be there...I know it's not a big change but the only one I can think of :wink: the chorus is very good...maybe except the 'jingo jangle'? verse 3 is awesome, cool you brought azrael in it!

alright, make sure to post any revisions, you got me curious:))
hope you'll be satisfied with this someday for it has so much potential!
bluenightangel

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
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Quite a different take on the assignment. Very good. I have yet to see Ferenheight 9/11 but will be sure to watch it now.

I think smokindog and bluenightangel made some good points.

A little edit and polish would go a long way. Like said previously read it again and see if you can tighten it up.

Very thoughtful commemtary

Celt

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" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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(@scratchmonkey)
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nroberts,

I apologize in advance for hi-jacking your thread. I just wanted to address one little comment that was made because it seemed too important to pass up. I promise not to launch into a politcal rant.
they've not seemed to be aware of what they do over there at all...no guilt.. I can assure you that they are completely aware of what they do. And many of them are and will be forevermore racked with guilt. People cover and cope with guilt in a wide variety of ways. It's a survival mechanism. It seemed like they weren't aware of what they did, and it seemed like they felt no guilt, because that's how Mr. Moore wanted it to seem. He's a skillfull editor, and an opportunist. Nothing more.

nroberts, as to your song, I think smokindog's suggestion was a good one. If you can trim the extraneous words, it'll probably have more of the punch you want it to have.

-- Scratch 8)

-- Scratch 8)


"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
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(@nroberts)
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Topic starter  

like the phrase 'rocket red glow'. why is it I always let the 'the' slip when reading line #2 of the second verse? I'm not doing it on purpose it's just as if I don't see it, it doesn't need to be there...I know it's not a big change but the only one I can think of :wink: the chorus is very good...maybe except the 'jingo jangle'? verse 3 is awesome, cool you brought azrael in it!

Yeah, verse 1 was the easy one and my favorite in the bunch.

The 'the' in verse 2 is from a song, "Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor," which was one of the ones they liked to listen to. Does the 'the' really mess it up that bad? I am affraid that if I remove it I would remove the reference to the other song. Do I need that reference? That verse does bug me quite a lot.

You don't like 'jingo jangle'? What about it don't you like? I got it from jingle jangle but jingo basically means a point of view that coincides with an agressive foreign pollicy. "Patriotism" in its most vicious form, must serve in military, screw everyone else...etc...I am sure you know the type. So jingo jangle would be like their song. The part I have trouble with is "war party thrall" because it is just horrible grammar, but I am getting used to it and it says what I want and provides a rhyme.

And Azrael, you like that? I was thinking of changing it. I saw the name in my rhyming dictionary and thought of Azazel when I read it. I am wondering if Azrael is appropriate. He is the moslem angle of death, but he doesn't seem to always be taken as an unwelcome guest; he seems to be more of a gentle angle that brings you to god. Azazel on the other hand is the fallen angel that taught man how to work metals into weapons and wage war, which is more the personallity I was looking for.

It is funny sometimes that what you don't like about your own song is what other people do, and what you like is what they don't. Not saying its bad, just wierd that it so often works out that way.


   
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(@vic-lewis-vl)
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Wow, very intense.....

I haven't seen the film either, and as a Brit, I really don't know what to make of Michael Moore.....is he the passionate crusader for justice he wants to be, or just a sh*tstirring opportunist? Opinion seems to be divided.......

I needed your explanation to make the song work for me, but once I understood it, works fine.......and yes, I do like the "jingo jangle" phrase, I love wordplay like that.......

I'm guessing here, this strikes me as being very loud, very metal?

Good song.

:) :) :)

Vic.

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
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Vic,

In regards to Micheal Moore you wrote;

"...is he the passionate crusader for justice he wants to be, or just a
sh*tstirring opportunist? "

I would have to say he's a little of both. Many people say his opinion is biased . Of course it is it is HIS opinion. I think he sees himself as the former yet i don't think he shys away of stirring up things if makes his point or sells his product. I can't rightfully judge Ferenheight 9/11 until I view it so my opinion is based on privious work. I borrowed the DVD and hope to get to it this weekend. Nrobert's song stands by itself as one mans view of the horrors of war. Redardless of your views of the situation in Iraq, Mr. moore , or mass media in general. Of course this just my opinion as biased as anybodies elses.

Celt

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" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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(@straycat)
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Posts: 1282
 

...oops...seems I've started something here, sorry!
personally I tend to believe mr. moore although I think you're surely right he does not shy away from stirring up things that are useful for him in a way as the celt said. no matter what you think about him...does he not have some good points?
scratch, I apologize, I understand that not everyone who was in Iraq likes to kill and does not feel guilt. I agree that most of the soldiers there felt horrible doing what they had(??) to do. didn't mean to offend anyone, sorry! ...the ones shown in the movie with those songs they used... could be just manipulation of michael moore..but I don't think so...I don't know anymore what to think about all that, really...

hi nroberts;)
Does the 'the' really mess it up that bad?
no it does not. it was just that my mind thought it needn't necesserily be there. I wasn't aware that it was part of one of the songs, too. that changes the whole thing, please forget what I wrote and keep the 'the'

sorry about 'jingo jangle' that was my stupid ignorant little mind again:) didn't know the exact meaning and so it merely sounded a bit...silly..in my ears..now that you've explained it it's fine.
I would also keep 'war party thrall', sounds good to me.

I like Azrael beacuse I read a book by wolfgang and heike hohlbein called 'krieg der engel'(=war of the angels, a German book). In that book Azrael was an evil thing, the servant of something very ancient and even more evil. so Azrael was kind of a deadbringer in that book. fits your verse I think and doing well so. anyway if you prefer Azazel then go for it, it's your song:) I like either option but just can relate to Azrael better because of the book.

once again sorry for all the trouble.
(felt a bit like a little kid in school talking too much without really knowing and getting reprimanded by the teacher :wink: )
bluenightangel

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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(@scratchmonkey)
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Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 603
 

scratch, I apologize, No need, bluenightangel. Most of my closest friends and I have widely different views on a vast number of topics. I have no problem with people having ideas different than mine. nroberts has his views on things, you have yours, I have mine, and that's what makes life interesting. If anyone should apologize, it should probably be me, for focusing more on the politics than on the song.

-- Scratch 8)

-- Scratch 8)


"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42


   
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(@spadge)
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Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 89
 

First of all excellent lyric, making reference to the film 9/11, verse 2 really does say a lot in a very short passage. I also found that segment of the film to be quite disturbing, listening to half-witted soldiers saying, hell, we just turn on a good song with lyrics that go burn mf burn.... I mean HELLO, would you like breakfast with your wake up call.

As far as Michael Moore is concerned, I have read 2 of his books, and he is an opinion on a lot of things, most of which revolve around American society, which I obviously cannot comment on, but as English youth take on board more influence from American culture, then I can see his biggest disappointments becoming my worst fears.

Find all you need in your mind, If you take the time


   
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 Bob
(@bob)
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Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 908
 

Hi NRoberts

Good take on the assignment went in a completely different driection to what I was thinking when I set it but nonetheless a powerful song. You kept within the other paramteters I'd set about verse and chorus length and do say a lot in very few words.

Good stuff on the song.

Just one point to all other members remember this is about the song. Michael Moore may be a self serving publicist or a true social and political reformer who knows how to get his voice heard. Either way he didn't write this song, although he served as its inspiration, and I think that's as far as the discussion about him and anyone's particular like or dislike for him needs to go.

Let's keep it broadly on topic.

Good stuff Nroberts, the song itself seems to have caught the imagination and I hink the comments you've got about it should help you to polish it so it's as good as you want it to be although it's alost there.

Bob :wink:

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(@nroberts)
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Joined: 20 years ago
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Topic starter  

I made a couple of changes, mostly to the second verse but also all around alterations, and have some ideas that need input.

Break out those heavy tunes
Shove another round in the tube
All reved up and ready to go
Come watch my rocket red glow

Falling cards a bonus score
Let the bodies hit the floor
Draw a bead and take your turn
Just let the mother fuckers burn (altered to plural form of mother fuckers)

Sanitized for youth anesthitized I hear your jingo jangle call
Barbaric pride is the force that drives our war party thrall

The fun just never fails
Hangin downtown with Azrael
Bullets fly forth in a hail
Spilling blood, brains, and entrails

Sanitized for youth anesthitized I hear your jingo jangle call
Barbaric pride is the force that drives our war party thrall

alternative last verse first two lines:

Bangin our heads to metal
Partyin down with Azazel

The second verse really bugged me, I think I like this one better but what do you think? The third line was especially difficult.


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
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N,

Nice revisions. The flow is much better now. It's still apowerful piece of work. I think I like the alternate lines for the last verse better.

Celt

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" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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(@saucyjim)
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Posts: 11
 

I am not a registered Republican, but must make this statement:

Fahrenheit 911 is propaganda that is based on falsities. This is not my opinion, but fact. Please do your research before basing your opinions on a single person's biased view of the world.

There was a bumper sticker around at one time that said "Question Authority." Does anyone remember that? Well, I must say that the same holds true for "Question Mass Media." The recent CBS "memo-gate" scandal is a perfect example of why one should always look at the motives behind anything presented in the media. It is a very powerful tool - as Hitler knew.

Sorry to get off topic, but freedom of speech goes both ways, right?

Sauce


   
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