I have stayed away from writing the last few weeks. Practice and some travel have taken time but those are really excuses. Everything I have written lately has had a depressive note.
I put this simple country waltz song together. Yes, it is repetitive. Maybe I'll think of another verse later.
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=10178684 in the key of C with piano
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1121624 my library
This House of Broken Dreams
(G)Thank you for calling the house
The (C) house of broken (G) dreams
Extensions have recently changed
So (D) please listen carefully
(G)Press 1 if you want to speak to my darling
(C)Press 2 to hear me cry
(G)Press 3 if you want to bypass this message
(D)Hit 4 to say (G) goodbye
(C) Thank you for calling (G) please call again
It may (C) boost your self (G) esteem
(C) If you have time, (G) won't you come visit
This (C) house of (D) broken (G) dreams
break
(G)Thank you for calling the house
The (C) house of broken (G) dreams
Extensions have recently changed
So (D) please listen carefully
(G)Press 1 if you want to speak to my darling
(C)Press 2 to hear me cry
(G)Press 3 if you want to bypass this message
(D)Hit 4 to say (G) goodbye
Hi Mr. E
Nice take on the topic. Like the automated phone idea and think it puts the message across quite well. I think Peter's suggestion is a good one (especially since "bypass this message" seems like it would be a chore to sing), but I aslo agree with him that it's fine as is.
Looking forward to more.
Peace
I like the stark simplicity of this. It's kind of a nice contrast to my own style of writing (if you can't blind 'em with science, baffle 'em with bulldust!) which tends to ramble and squeeze as much into each line as I possibly can, whereas with a few well chosen words you've got the point across admirably, and your repetition tends to drive the point home more forcibly.
I do like Peter's suggestion for the chorus, though I'd make a further slight twist:
"Press 1 to hear MY heart break,
Press 2 to hear HER cry" (It's a house of broken dreams, right? So maybe it's not just the narrator's dreams that have been broken? Love's a two-way thing! (which gives me an idea for a song, incidentally!))
"Press 3 to hear this message again,
Press 4 to hear (NOT "say") goodbye..."
As always, just a suggestion. I think you're well on the way to a really good song here, it doesn't need an awful lot of work, just a little fine tuning. Good luck with it!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Hi MrEWorm,
Good start :D I like the concept as well. Clear message (pun intended :P )
Nothing much to add except to just keep writing :wink:
Thanks for sharing.
James
Hope it's not autobiographical :(
Sort of. I actually used the spoken line "Thank you for calling the house of broken dreams" as the greeting on my answering machine for a short time in the late Eighties. We didn't haver fancy "press 1 to speak english" machines then. My first marriage had just collapsed.
"The House of Broken Dreams " is the title of at least two distinct songs on YouTube. Thats's why I named it "This House of Broken Dreams".
I added a part of a verse that I think holds the whole answering machine concept together. I also made some minor edits that should help it roll off the tongue and into the ear easier.
I had envisioned this as a country song with a generic 60-70's country male crying in your beer voice. I also hear it as a modern blue grass tune. Right now, I'm hearing it as a Tom Waits sardonic type song. I may try to record a few different approaches.
This House of Broken Dreams
(G)Thank you for calling the house
The (C) house of broken (G) dreams
Extensions have recently changed
So (D) please listen carefully
(G)Press 1 to speak to my darling
(C)Press 2 to hear me cry
(G) 3 to hear this all again
(D)Hang up to say (G) goodbye
(C) After the tone (G) please leave a message
(C) Remember to keep it (G) brief
(C) Thank you, thank you, (G) thank you for calling
This (C) house of (D) broken (G) dreams
break
(G)Thank you for calling the house
The (C) house of broken (G) dreams
Extensions have recently changed
So (D) please listen carefully
(G)Press 1 to speak to my darling
(C)Press 2 to hear me cry
(G)Press 3 to hear this all again
(D)Hang up to say (G) goodbye
(C) Thank you for calling (G) please call again
It may (C) boost your self (G) esteem
(C) If you have time, (G) won't you come visit
This (C) house of (D) broken (G) dreams
Great idea...this is one of those that I read thinking, 'now why didn't I think of that'!
I liked the structure and simplicity of this, the point gets made and that's all you need to do. This style of song is one of my favorites and I think very often resonates with listeners because it is very easy to remember and sing along with.
The only part I wasn't too keen on was the 'self-esteem' bit. That line could be worded better I think, or even something else in its place. I liked the 'come for a visit idea' that was after that and maybe there could be something that ties in a little better with that line, not sure.
