Another day-WEEK 27 with MP3

Thanks Pete

Trying to record it right now actually , but with new roads and houses being built around me it's a bit tricky . I might have to wait till smoko time when they down their tools .

That line you mentioned , I do struggle with .. I'll see what happens when I do the vocals something might just pop in my head that fits better .

Would love to have a second guitar on this but every time I try that I can't get the two guitars in time together it's always just a tad out if you know what I mean . ( 1 strumming slowly gently and 1 picking )

Thanks again for the feed back
Hilch :?:

Hiya Hilchy! Just got around to listening to your mp3.

I agree with Peter regarding some of the forced rhymes there. It sounded like you had a bit of trouble getting them out in the recording too. Nevertheless, I'm sure it wouldn't take too much tweaking to sort that out.

The only other issue that had me a little confused was the "Just remember we are the scholars" bit. It just seemed to lead me off a bit. Also I tend to have a little cynical view of "scholars" ... although maybe this is what you were angling at. :?

Otherwise, like the theme of your song and apart from the last line I quite liked your chorus. :)

Hey Bennett ( I feel calling you that is rude )

Point taken about Scholars I'll explain myself here ,
( I read somewhere if I have to explain it .. it needs re-writting ) bummer aas I quite like it ...

we ( everyone who lives on this planet )

Scholars - The smart ones ( we have electricity / running water the know how , everything thing at our finger tips .. but these chilren keep starving and dying )

Cynical question , Why ? When we are the scholars .

The last time I went out food it was to raise money for these kids and I will say my stomache burned inside .
I know this isn't the place to get on the soap box , just wanted to clarify the lyrics . And in no way has your post insulted or hurt my feelings on this matter . I hope my reply is understood as a clarification and not some political speech ....

I appreciate the feed back ...

I will look at the entire song again and re-word parts of it , but I really don't want to take away the message inside .

thank-you

Hilch :?:

Hi Hilch

Hoping to get a listen to this late tonight or early tomorrow. Thanks for your take on the "scholars" bit. And while I understand where you're coming from, I can't help but wonder if there's not a better way to phrase it, much as you did in your last post. Too many people I know would see the word "scholars" and not think it applied to themselves, when I think you definitely would want them to do so.

I'll put some more thought to this while I listen. Looking forward to chatting with you more on this topic.

Peace

Hey Bennett ( I feel calling you that is rude )
That has been my online handle for a long time now so a lot of people (even in real life) call me that. I quite like it. :P
Point taken about Scholars I'll explain myself here ,
( I read somewhere if I have to explain it .. it needs re-writting ) bummer aas I quite like it ...

we ( everyone who lives on this planet )

Scholars - The smart ones ( we have electricity / running water the know how , everything thing at our finger tips .. but these chilren keep starving and dying )

Cynical question , Why ? When we are the scholars .
Sorry I probably should have explained myself in the earlier post, but I didn't want to upset anyone who has strongly opposing views to myself. ;)

Anyhoo, let me say off the bat that this is my own personal opinion, not what I think all people should believe. Ok, so I'm one of those who have done the tertiary education thing, picked up some degrees and stuff and have been working for about 10 years. And of course, I must be thankful for the choice I have in employment.

However, I in no way consider myself a scholar. Scholars to me are those who devote their lives to study or academia. And I've known quite a number of these and while they may know ONE area extraordinarily well, they have absolutely no idea of the real world or have any commonsense. The worst ones are the ones who believe they are part of the elite and look down on the rest of society. And god forbid if you don't have a degree. I also have issues with scholars being associated with intelligence.

I know many people who do not have degrees and who work in trades who are far more intelligent than many scholars. Btw, I certainly don't consider myself to be intelligent, though I like to think I have a relatively broad understanding (and acceptance) of the world around me.

So to sum it up, I guess when I read the line "we are the scholars" I'm thinking to myself, "Well, I'm certainly NOT". ;)

I get where you're coming from mate, but like David said I think you could probably grab more people with a different word. See, I don't believe the scholars would be solely responsible for solving the issues you speak of. I think rather it's something to be solved by EVERYONE, scholar or not.

Anyway, I hope this clears things up a bit and I do stress that this is MY opinion. I certainly do not mean offence to any real scholars out there; I know there ARE many doing great things. This is just based on my experience and my rather cynical view of the world. :D

ok ok I get where your coming from ...

The word scholar was not directed at anyone who has degrees or the such

But as us people who live in the free world

US you and me

Bill down the road ...

We are the scholars is meant to grab you shake you up make all of us realise we can do so much more ....

You said yourself ""Well, I'm certainly NOT". "

But to these kids you would be ..oppitunity and resources ....

I really don't want to debate this on this thread anyone can PM me and speak their mind on this subject ,,,

hilch

No worries mate. You've got a great song there and you've helped me understand where you're coming from.

Keep it up! 8)

Just a side note ,,,,

What has transpired in this thread descibes my chorus to a tea ...

"We're argueing about the colour
Of that turtle neck collar "

i:e

Debating the use of the word scholar ...

When we our selves have the technology , and will have a dinner with our families this evening and then some will even make beautiful music from instruments called guitars . We are the scholars ....

While the less unfortunate struggle to stay alive ....

May peace be with everyone who lives on planet Earth

Hilch :?:

hi hilch,

Nice writing here, had to go over it a few times to search for the forced rhymes... I'm so into this freeflowstyle thingie, I couldn't see them untill I heard it. I don't think you need to rewrite anything to fix it, except the last line in V3. Something like "We think our lives filled with strife" would work in my head. I'm a fan of singing words really really fast or really really close to eachother (Jason Mraz or Jack Johnson, they know what I'm talking about)

I liked this a lot, hilch, keep it up! :)

:)
-man

Thank you

Mots

Hilch :?:

Hey Hilch!

I listened to the song before reading the lyrics. Sad song indeed. Very touching lyrics.

Seems like your song has been picked over already and all seem like good advice to me.

Thanks ghost

Sad yeah ...

Gidday mate

Well you are most definetly growing as an artist since I was last around here ..

I think this has a lot to offer , and I like the way ( we ) is used not just me/you/he/she but us I like it ..

The playing has definetly improved ..question ? Whats going on with the voice ? Why have you changed it ?

L.K

change L.K ?

Singing lessons maybe .. I didn't think it has changed that much ...

good to see your back mateee ( missed you around here ) :wink: