Another Year

Well I'll start off with something that stands out pretty obviously and that's the broken rhyme scheme in these lines:

Celebrations and happy times
Are the memories we will find
We won't forget about the passings
Of our beloved ones who left us behind

Times and find is ok by my standards, but could rhyme a little stronger and passings/behind doesn't rhyme at all. Maybe this is on purpose, but since the other parts all rhyme maybe this should too.

How about:

Celebrations and happy times
Are the memories we will find
In joy forever never gone
live beloved ones who've passed on

Or a deeper rewrite that hold onto the repetition from your other verses:

Thinking of those happy days
Thinking how in many ways
Those who've passed can still live on
In our memories never gone

Overall the song is nice, but maybe a little too sweet. The silver cloud of the new year has to have some dark edges no?

Thank Dave

I like the 2nd option you suggested ...cheers

I thought a song about a new beginning would be a good way to start the year ...

One of my lines I think sums it up best ..

" Want to make a future not live in the past "

Thanks againg for your feed back

Trevor

Hey Trevor,

yeah this is ok, I do have a personal aversion to questions being asked in songs though cos the listener has no chance to reply. The fact that youve replied in the last line does redeem that questioning technique a bit, but as a matter of style I would prefer a song to make assertions rather than questions. Anyway that's just my prejudice.
I think Im with Dave,here, nice song maybe a bit sweet.

cheers

Paul

A bit generic. I was hoping for detail about 2006 in the verses.

Looks okay to me, I like the sentiments, but a couple of points you might want to take on board....

1 - find a CONSISTENT rhyming scheme....

V1 starts with "Another Year" at the beginning of the first two lines...
V2 starts with "Looking Forward" at the beginning of the first two lines....
V3 loses that sceme.....

maybe something like....

"Celebrations, and happier times,
Celebrations, of the year behind...."

That's completely off the top of my head, I'm sure it can be bettered....but do you see what I mean about consistency?

V4's the same....

"Lets' all look forward to the brand new year
We can all smile a lot and not live in fear".....

maybe something like....

Let's all look forward to a brand new year,
Let's all look forward, without fear...."

As always, these are just suggestions....I'd like 2007 to be the year where you post a song where I can say, "I wouldn't change a thing...."

keep working at it.....and never be afraid of looking back at something you've written and making changes.....

:D :D :D

Vic

Vic

I'd like 2007 to be the year where you post a song where I can say, "I wouldn't change a thing

That is my objective my goal has always been and will continue to be ...

1/ Post lyrics

2/ Get feedback of everyone like yourself sir that goes along the lines I would not change a word Trevor , are you going to record this ?

3/ Post a MP3 of actual music and decent singing

4/ Can't make any promises this will ever happen "BUT" it is my goal ..

As always everyones feed back is welcomed and I do take advise on board , I'm here to learn , and I have learnt so much from you guys ..

Thanks

Trevor

It wiil happen - you'll come up with a song you're proud of, and everyone'll like it - trust me, it'll happen!

Determination counts for a lot....

:D :D :D

Vic

Determination counts for a lot....

And some abilty might help :lol: :lol:

Got heaps of determination ,

lacking in the ability stakes at the moment

{ work in progress I call myself can only get better }