Blood Sweat and Tears

Hey hilch

Nice little song there mate, love this
But I wouldn't change it for the world
I'm still in love with the same girl
Never thinking about what if's
Your love is my gift

I think you found a good way to turn Blood Sweat and Tears into a sweet song. I only got morbid thoughts about it myself. What does that say about me? lol :P

Good job!

Pete

Hilch me old mate,

this IS a good song, it has great bones.
For all our ...blood sweat and tears
All of our ..love calms our fears
Haveing kids , raising this family
Thats' all our blood sweat and tears
this is very good, the only thing that I would think of changing if it was mine would be the last line. Its not that it doesnt work its just that I think you could say something better here and not just repeat the first line. Maybe something like:
For all our ...blood sweat and tears
All of our ..love calms our fears
Haveing kids , raising this family
This is the way life should be

I like it

cheers

Paul

Thanks for the feed back guys

Pete the verse you mentioned ...

Yeah I like that one to , has a very deep and is very true to me ..

Paul ( Pbee)

The song is how I feel now aged 40 something :roll: and looking back when me and the little lady were so much younger , we started dating on her 16th birthday and were married the day after her 18 th birthday , and when I say it like that it seems soooooo long ago ..

Thanks for the alternative line mate

Hilch

Hey,
I agree it is a great song, it has a good structure, not too fond of the first verse, ya know when I listen to a song I like to have the first verse captivate me and pull me in, so maybe the first verse needs some tweaking, not sure though, this line: "For we were so very young," sounds tacky to me, it's like taking a line out of a shakespeare play, it doesn't do it for me. I agree with Pbee about the last line change in the chorus I think it's a good suggestion. Awesome stuff.

Rejectedgain

Thanks Rejected again

The line you mentioned was put there to re-enforce how young we really were , I just thought it added something to the verse .

As for the first verse not pulling you in .. well I have no answer to that I am affraid , I like it .. To me the whole song is suttle but deep at the same time .

I think this is actually one of my better efforts ,

This probably isn't real good but at least Bob gave me very kool title

I said that because I am looking for so much more from my writting then I am currently achieving .

But I would say it's nice to read comments like ,

Pete :Nice little song there mate

Pbee:this IS a good song, it has great bones

Rejected again:I agree it is a great song, it has a good structure

Makes me feel pretty good and want to write better lyrics , thanks for the feed back guys

Just a thought

Mr Fix it are you there ? ( I think we all know who Mr fixit is hey Pbee ?) :lol:

In this verse the last line , do you think it should read ?

For her love is my gift .. or even just leave the FOR out

Her love is my gift

But I wouldn't change it for the world
I'm still in love with the same girl
Never thinking about what if's
Your love is my gift

I have been fiddling around with my guitar and that line I mentioned just seems out of place . I talk about her then I say Your love is my gift ..

hilch
But I wouldn't change it for the world
I'm still in love with the same girl
Never thinking about what if's
Cos your love is my reward

Or

But I wouldn't change it for the world
I'm still in love with the same girl
Never thinking about what if's
Cos her love is my reward

Ok this is my preference for that line without changing it's meaning. You realise of course that my fixes only make the song more palatable to my ears so one mans fix could be another mans folly, in the end its your song and your fix.

Cheers

Paul

Yeah I relise that Paul ...

You realise of course that my fixes only make the song more palatable to my ears so one mans fix could be another mans folly, in the end its your song and your fix.

I was looking for some direction .. as I played around some words seemed to almost contradict what I wanted to say ..

Cos her love is my reward

I like that it

Cos her love is reward it self ..... ( is what I thought of after reading your feed back mate..)

See what I mean , I get so far then just can't finish it off the way I want to , so I hoist up the white flag and SCREAM help meeeeee

Thanks mate

Hilch :?:

Im really liking this song mate, what are you inspirations for it ?

inspiration ...

my wife , Bobs' theme they just seemed to be right

thanks for the feed back

Oh hail Guitarnoise Denizen, oh hail Guitarnoise Denizen :P
Oh hail Guitarnoise Denizen, oh hail Guitarnoise Denizen :P
Oh hail Guitarnoise Denizen, oh hail Guitarnoise Denizen :P

we are unworthy :D

congratulations hilch

cheers

Paul

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

you do realise that only means

I DON'T HAVE A LIFE HEY

Hi Hilch
I like the fact you took a line like blood sweat and tears and turned it into such a sweet song. (and I mean sweet in a positive way. I like the whole sentiment of the song.)
I can see why you used the line
'For we were so very young'
I think it works great in this context.
The only bit that doesn't work for me is in verse 2

'I remember over the threshold you were carried'

It doesn't seem to scan.
How about

'Then we went and we got married
Across the threshold you were carried
Those days seem so real
Filled with dreams we dared to feel
When we were so very young.'

Just a suggestion.
Beren

Thanks Beren

Always nice to get feed back , I like your suggestions