Emotional Elusion (pbee) week 32(revised)

Hi mystic

I definitely see a “somebody dun me wrong” country number here. I like what you've done with the title, I think it works well. The chorus is good, although line 2 is a bit awkward for me, something like “No wonder were always looking to fight” seems to flow better. That extra last line works well. Im glad you dealt with the schemed line, that was always going to tough, I didnt know what to do with it. Well done :D

pb

Hi pbee

thanks i'm glad u liked it i had a hard time writting this one but i finaly did it then i went out to day and it kept bugging could'nt wait to get home to make the changes i made, thanks again i may have to make a few more changes yet i'll see if i can work your suggestions into it thanks again

mystic

hey mystic,

this is a good song about trust (or lack there of) however something was nagging at me as i read it. and i think it was that i just find it hard to picture or believe that someone would dream you were cheating and then wake up and have a fight... the rest of the song seemed 'real' and the whole thing was well written, even that first verse, but that nagging feeling lingered.

good writing
sozay

hi sozay, :D

believable or not I actualy went through this for about 3 yrs, day dreams as well as night dreams, we have been together for 9 yrs and the only thing that saved us was seeing a counselor all is well now once in a while
he gets a little out of sorts but i think its just sometimes he feels that were not close enough,all i need to do is remind him how much i love him.

mystic :D

Hi Mystic

There is definitely some pain being dealt with in your lyrics. I'm sure that was your intent and if so, nice job! I like it! It is probably just me, but I'm having trouble with the flow in line 2 of verse 3. An option might be "you'd think our love should be so strong", or something like that. But then again, your line may fit perfect with the music you have in mind.

Nicely done!

8)
Jojo

hi everyone :)

took note of all your comments 8) thanks for the input and i have made a few changes i hope you all like it :D

thanks mystic

Emotional Elusions

You close your eyes
an you picture me
its only a dream
but its what you see
you dream of me in the middle of the night
bein bad with someother guy
you wake up mad an were in a fight....

emotional elusions both day and night
an you wonder why we always fight
you say its not that you don't trust in me
emotional elusions wont set you free
emotional elusions hangin over me

you hold me close you pull me near
you say you love me an there is no fear
I put on my makeup and comb my hair
you say i'm hot an i'm out to trot
aqusin me of somthing i'm not

emotional elusions both day and night
an you wonder why we always fight
you say its not that you don't trust in me
emotional elusions wont set me free...
emotional elusions hangin over me...

we've been together for so long
you would think our love would be strong
but yet every time I turn around
your in my face about how i'm gonna do you wrong
you say you beleive and you trust in me
you say your sorry for aqusin me
baby wont you set me free

emotional elusions both day and night
an you wonder why we always fight
you say its not that you don't trust in me
emotional elusions wont set me free...
emotional elusions hangin over me....