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First post EVER. song called "steps"

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Nicola
(@nicola)
Eminent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 14
Topic starter  

I have so many songs, i didnt know which one to post first!!

This song is in AAA format. So no real chorus or bridge structure.

I wrote this when i was 15, so vocabulary quite immature. But let me know what you think...

Now here your thoughts are wandering
far away from care
As you think about the path beyond you
as you run into your fear
Could you walk straight past the bad guy
without a scratch upon you
Or is this step your last breath
leaving nothing more to do

But say if there was someone
who could take you away
Spend every ounce of energy
to help you save your game
Without a cape or wand
but an unknown face instead
This could be for eternity
or right here you could end

For you now have a choice
a step back, to the side, or foward
When out steps a young man
claiming he is Lord
Wrapped in old sheets
better used as rags
You know deep down inside
this is your life and your last chance

What could you believe
a man standing here before you
Holding nothing but your hand
and a history book written for you
His presence you feel surrounding
and even yesterday
But you cried out for him just now
asking him to stay

This man is more than man
you have heard of him before
People sing to him around the globe
but its you who chose to ignore
When light turns to darkness
its his name they all rejoice
And darkness is upon you now
for you to sing is your choice

Step back, you wont remember
you'll live your life same old
Nothing new, no suprises
no mysteries will unfold
Then the time will come
for you to part your soul
But you dont believe in anything
so theres no place for it to go

Side step, you conrol your life
no morals, rules or conditions
And you dont need anyone
you live off tempatations
But what happens when guilt sets in
someones life is down a whole
Whether it be yours or someone else
your not so in control

Step foward, eternal life
and welcome inner peace
You grab a different perspective
just from one time you were blessed
Which side would you choose
winner, loser or spectator
You can make your decision at any moment
if there is still time later

There has been years of investigation to find that 100% of statistics are made up


   
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scratchmonkey
(@scratchmonkey)
Honorable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 603
 

Hey Nicola,

Thanks for sharing this with us. First off, I'm having trouble seeing how this fits with either week 49, or week 50's assigments. On this forum, we post songs that are written to an assignment which is posted each sunday. Have a look at the FAQs for this board. For general songs, you can post those over on the "Songwriting Club" board. There's a fair amount of cross-traffic betwixt the two.

As to the song itself, I like it overall. I'm not sure what you mean by AAA format. But I like what you're saying with the song. The thing is, it's going to be hard to perform a song that has 8 verses and no chorus. Even if you perform it in Church, where it's likely to be well received, and people (presumably) will be willing to overlook some things. The chorus is a very useful tool in presenting your message, and that's as true for gospel songs as it is for pop / rock / jazz / metal, or what have you. If you look at the bottom of Bob's posts, you'll find links to two articles that are fantastic songwriting "primers". Look them over, they're incredibly helpful.

I hope you'll have ago at this week's assignment, it looks like you've a great deal of potential. Hope to see more from you.

-- Scratch 8)

-- Scratch 8)


"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42


   
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Nicola
(@nicola)
Eminent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 14
Topic starter  

Thanks for that, yeah i know chorus' have much impact. I just find it so hard to get out of my poetic structure. Thanks for the tips on the forum, didn't realise. But sounds like fun!!

AAA structure is just the no chorus no bridge type style. ABA is with pre-chorus,chorus, bridge. Might not be a universal thing.
Thanks Scratch

There has been years of investigation to find that 100% of statistics are made up


   
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nroberts
(@nroberts)
Reputable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 305
 

AAA structure is just the no chorus no bridge type style. ABA is with pre-chorus,chorus, bridge. Might not be a universal thing.
Thanks Scratch

Usually when someone says something like 'ABA' format I think rhyming scheme. That is also how it is used in this book on lyric writing I have.

The song gives me a hard time because it is pretty long and never really changes much to grab me. I have trouble making it past the 3rd verse. It also seems to jump about a bit in ideas, I am not getting a lot of continuity. Meter could use some tightening up in spots.

The first verse has a good rhyming scheme, but it doesn't seem to hold for the next ones. Some have a scheme others don't that I can tell.

I think you might have several themes in this song. You could separate them and make several songs instead of one long one. This gives more strength to each theme instead of only minor importance to several. Each song should tell a single story or relay a single idea or feeling. Trying to put too much into one weakens the whole thing.

I think the main problem with the song is just too much in one basket. If you split it up, or focused on a single simple idea, then I think you could have something great.

Some themes I am getting:

* need for god when facing adversity
* need for belief in something
* the afterlife
* there is a savior waiting
* others...

So you see, if you focused on just one of those you could really focus the listener on that idea instead of throwing all of them and they don't really get a good view of any.


   
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