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(@cuddly_angel)
New Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 1
Topic starter  

ok i am writing a song but i keep getting stuck. here's a little bit of background about the song. its about a relationship that has changed and your trying to let it all out and tell the other person how you feel:

im sitting in my room
thinking about you
the way it use to be
i wish that you could see

oooh baby its not the same
why'd it have to change
when everything was great
what happen to those days
i hoped would never end

we use to talk for hours
now you tune me out
you use to make me laugh
now you scream and shout

oooh baby its not the same
why'd it have to change
when everything was great
what happen to those days
i hoped would never end

ok now im stuck please help me


   
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(@snoogans775)
Reputable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 297
 

well, you've set it up with no twists, so now's where you have to really think, what can happen

1. you can stay with this person______/(through some twist=happiness)
2. you can leave this person____/

3. Stay with the person______/(through simple predictablility=sadness
4. leave the person_____/

these are incredibly basic, but you have to find out all the other possibilities and choose the one that you like the most

I don't follow my dreams, I just ask em' where they're going and catch up with them later.
-Mitch Hedburg
Did you see that!


   
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(@straycat)
Noble Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 1282
 

hi cuddly angel, welcome :D

maybe you could write about why the other person now screams and doesn't listen to you any more...did you do something wrong? or is it that the other one's love for you is fading and he(she) is getting annoyed that you're still around, wishing back the 'good times'...?

or if you really don't want to make what you already have so much longer, why don't you only write an ending part that would come right after your last chorus? something like you've tried but it's getting worse and now you're sad and wanna leave. oh okay, just realized it wouldn't be happiness then in the end...but maybe you aren't aiming at this week's assignment and just want to write a song?

hope it helped you a bit...if you're still stuck, leave this piece alone a while and then come back to it later.
...did you realize that there are some grammatical mistakes with the past tense in it?don't want to offend, it's only I myself would also like to be told when there are any mistakes in my songs(English isn't my mother tongue, so mistakes are always possible)...alright, first verse:'the way it used to be' , chorus: 'what happened to those days...', second verse same thing: 'we used to talk', 'you used to make'
maybe you just forgot the -ed by accident, right? :wink:
keep writing
bluenightangel

P.S. you might want to take a look at lever's first post, regarding pharaprasing and 'fluffing songs up' ?

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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(@cheapthrill)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 224
 

hey cuddly,

not usre if this is going to help but i will throw my two cents in. don't let yourself get stuck in this oppisites thing that you have started. if you are going to tell someone how you feel let it be specific. you have started with some general stuff now go into details. mention things that you liked about the person, things that you don't like. things they did or don't do. for example he used to visit you at work, being you flowers, take you out to dinner, give you this certain look that made you know he cared. how did things change he doesn't call as much, don;t spend quality time together, no intimacy(you know what i mean, this is a all ages forum), doesn't to things you want, forgot your birthday/anniversery..... you get the idea. let us know details. the reader wants to know why the relationship changed if known, if not some postureings from the main character is good, and also who are these two people. let us know some personal details.

something else if this event actually happened to you, your real feelings don't let yourself get caught up in the real details of what happened or the true feelings you have. this is just a song not an autobiography, you can fudge. is this is not your situation disregard.

hope something is all of this helps.

-CheapThrill


   
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(@outoftheloop)
Eminent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 20
 

cheap's got the right idea.

so far you have the general, summarization. you're saying "this is how i feel". well don't say it, show it. show us how you feel, either by taking us into your mind, or by allowing us to watch events as they unfold, or through metaphors.. be creative.

time, space, and logic have no weight on the words of a songwriter.

Best of luck to you,
Kyle


   
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(@nitetrapper)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 149
 

If our time is over
Theres no reason to pretend
I'd rather leave loveing you
Knowing we're still friends

I'm new here but I thought I'd just give you an idea.
Take care . Nite...................

lyrics belong in songs, poems bolong in bookstores


   
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(@scratchmonkey)
Honorable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 603
 

time, space, and logic have no weight on the words of a songwriter.

Wow.

-- Scratch 8)

-- Scratch 8)


"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42


   
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(@guy_d)
Active Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 16
 

I think in parts a very good song, but.....

Pete Seeger always said that the flaw for the majority of aspiring songwriters is that their songs are overwritten, they stay the obvious and despite an abundance of words the song does not evolve or "go anywher" as such, i think this relates to your song.

People talk of situations,
Read books, repeat quotations,
Draw conclusions on the wall.

Bob Dylan, Love Minus Zero/No Limit,


   
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