Okay, I'll admit. This wasn't something I sat down this morning and churned out. It was something I wrote a couple of months ago that fits this weeks assignment and I'd love to get some feed back on it. Thanks all.
http://www.soundclick.com/neilstuart
JUST LOVE, AND YOU, AND ME
It's cold outside and the trees are bare
the ground is covered with snow
the wind is blowing and the sun is high
and I don't have anywhere to go
So I think I'll sit right here
and marvel at the things we did back then
the jokes we played, the laughs we made,
much to my chagrin
Back when we were young Back when we were so carefree
and nothing seemed to matter just love and you and me
The streams are running much faster now
as the melting snow recedes
The days are getting longer too
and at night I feel the need
to just sit right here
and marvel at the things we did back then
the jokes we played, the laughs we made,
much to my chagrin
Back when we were young Back when we were so carefree
and nothing seemed to matter just love and you and me
The grass is green and the summer breeze
is warm and feels so good
the scent of flowers are in the air
and I'm not doing what I should
I'm just siting here
and marveling at the things we did back then
the jokes we played, the laughs we made,
much to my chagrin
Back when we were young Back when we were so carefree
and nothing seemed to matter just love and you and me
The leaves are turning red and brown
and the squirrels are gathering nuts and things
The clouds move quickly across the sky
and I can't hear the robin sing
and I'm just siting here
and marveling at the things we did back then
the jokes we played, the laughs we made,
much to my chagrin
Back when we were young Back when we were so carefree
and nothing seemed to matter just love and you and me
Neil,
I don't know what to say.
This may very well be your best effort yet :!:
Bravo
John
Hi Neil
I'd like to echo John's comments - this is incredibly nice work, simple and sincere and bittersweet, much like the passing of time and relationships it describes.
I especially like all the inner rhymes, particularly in the first part of the chorus:
And marvel at the things we did back then
The jokes we played, the laughs we made,
Much to my chagrin
Back when...
If you want some constructive thoughts as well as praise, well, I know that these recordings are (like mine) still in the "rough draft" stage. But an instrumental, even a short one of two to four measures, would sound nice between the second and third verses as well as between the third and fourth.
Really terrific work here, Neil. Now I've got to go listen to Saturday... :wink:
Peace
Hi matee
Every now and then I read the lyrics of songs that are posted and think to myself If I could play a lot better I would love to give it a go ...
Then someone like you comes along writes one of those songs and is talented enough to give it justice ...
I have listened to this over and over and I must say
" IT'S BLOODY BRILLIANT "
Lyrically just reading them really sets the mood and makes me start to think back of those days of a young bloke with long hair with no cares in the world who had this tiny little blonde girlfreind .....
Ahh thank you for writing and playing such a beautiful song ...
Trevor
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Great work, Neil.
I am more than happy to hop on the bandwagon for this song; it is excellent. The writing is good, but is shines even more in the recording. Especially the tag; you nailed it with the melody.
My only minor quibble/mis-understanding is with the line:
much to my chagrin
Did the jokes and laughter backfire? Is that what is causing the chagrin? Or is it the sum of the memories and the regret that is causing the chagrin? It's not a bid deal, I just stumbled on that line every time. It doesn't detract from the rest of the song, I'm just curious.
Solid stuff. Keep it up.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
Thanks everyone for your all too kind comments and suggestions.
Slowplay . . . . chagrin was meant to be the butt of the jokes and not regret. That ability to be able to laugh at one self . . . .
Neil,
I think this would have to be my favourite of your songs, youve done really well here.
Slowplay . . . . chagrin was meant to be the butt of the jokes and not regret. That ability to be able to laugh at one self . . . .
I also got caught on this line, maybe something like
And marvel at the things we did back then
The jokes we played, the laughs we made,
Some at our own expense
Back when...
Just an idea
cheers
Paul
great song Neil, i like chagrin in there, it changes the flow a little, and everyone gets somewhat embarassed when jokes are played on them, really well written, i was thinking about writting a song about the seasons as well but nothing developed, nice work.
marty
sytys
