I took a look at the "prompt/Guidlines" and I couldn't get anything for it. but I didn't want you guys to tyhink I was slacking off. so here's another song of mine.
We're Through
By Chris Lever
We were the picture perfect couple
We had that white picket fence lined up
But something went terribly wrong
And one of us, well we fucked it up
Chorus
But I won't tell anybody
About the people that your with
And I won't tell anybody
About the lifestyle that we lived
And I won't tell anybody
About all the things you do
And I don't tell any body
That we're through
We're through
We had such expectations
I parents could never get enough
They wanted us to have little kids
So they could watch them grow up
Chorus
But I won't tell anybody
About the people that your with
And I won't tell anybody
About the lifestyle you now live
And I won't tell anybody
About all the things you do
And I won't tell anybody
That we're through
Bridge
And I'm sorry
I can't hold on no more
And I know
That you think I'm a bore
But I know
That I can't take it
I can't take it anymore
Chorus
And I won't tell anybody
About the people I was with
And I won't tell any body
About the lifestyle that I lived
And I won't tell anybody
About all the things we would do
And I won't tell anybody
That we're through
We're through
I'm through with you…
questions are only speedbumps in the highway of life.
hey lever,
i like this song. it is a nice take on a break up. but it is lacking something. it starts off telling about how great the relationship looks could use a little more expanding on that part. i love the chorus, i can feel how much the subject feels about the relationship like he doesn't want to disapoint anyone but letting them know it is over or not wanting to totally let go. then the next verse gets more into what was expected, but then it kinda falls off from the basic theme you have going. i guess i was expecting there to be more detail about the relationship. the bridge is good as well but it doesn't fit. maybe just not where it is.
maybe it is the overly formulated structure. verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus, last 2 lines. there is nothing wrong with this structure, but i think it takes away from the story or something that this song is missing.
i am not sure if waht i am saying helps but at least it is better than nothing, right?
the bridge seems out fo place. it is well written (i think) but it doesn't tie in well enough to the rest of the song. you have a good structure going on here but i think it is too vague (finally i found the right word to describe this song)
you have a sing here with only two specific details white picket fence, parents wanting grandkids. then it goes into general stuff, i won't tell anyone we are over, you don't like me, i can't take it, we are through.
i want to know what else was so perfect looking about the relationship, what got f'ed up, why all the sudden the guy can't take it anymore.
something else......i am not sure how i am supossed to feel about this guy, do we feel sorry that the relationship ended and sympithise with him, or are we happy that he finally gets over the girl that f'ed things up. i am a little lost on the feeling part here.
i am not sure if i am meant to feel only one way or the other towards the subject. funny how i assumed that it was a guy and the girl left him. could be the other way around.
hope that something i have said here helps.
-CheapThrill
