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My road, (my first song lyrics)

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jayrod36
(@jayrod36)
Eminent Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 14
Topic starter  

down the road of life i go
with twists and turns , rain and snow .
i worry too much about whats at the end,
instead of paying attention to the bend ahead.

i see a fork in the road, which way?
i see a fork in the road, which way?

looking too much in the rear view mirror
at things i cant go back to.
i should look around and enjoy the view,
not dwell on the past thats trapt you.

there's a fork in the road, which way?
there's a fork in the road , which way?

cant help but wonder how this roads been paved.
cause everyone is free to choose they're way.
will my journey continue beyond today?
i see a fork in the road , which way?

is it too late for me to change my road?
i dont feel happy on here,thats all i know.
these negative thoughts invade my soul.
there's a fork in the road, which way?
:roll:

any feedback would be helpfull. thanks, jt

leave your ego at the door , play the music, love people.


   
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katreich
(@katreich)
Prominent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 686
 

Rhis is a great first attemt jayrod36. I love he second verse, but I'm having some problem with you ending the last to verses with "there's a fork in the road, which way" It's too repetetive if you're going to use it as the chorus.

Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.

www.soundclick.com/kathyreichert


   
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geoo
 geoo
(@geoo)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2801
 

Hey Jayrod. I agree. Great first and welcome to SSG. Its hard to say about the repetitive nature of the song because sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt but only you'll know that unless we hear it.

I like how to describe what you are feeling.

Good job

Geoo

“The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn” - David Russell (Scottish classical Guitarist. b.1942)


   
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jayrod36
(@jayrod36)
Eminent Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 14
Topic starter  

thanks folks, glad i found this sight.

leave your ego at the door , play the music, love people.


   
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Tokai 12 String
(@tokai-12-string)
Estimable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 122
 

Hey jayrod36
Welcome
I like what you have to say in your song but a few things bother me.

I think at the end of the first verse you should omit...Ahead

shorten up the first line of the second verse
Looking in the rear view mirror

and maybe reword the begining of the third verse something like...
Everybody chooses how their road is paved
Can't help but wonder if I chose the right way

and the final verse another reword something along this line
It's never too late for me to change my road
If I don't feel happy about where it goes

As always, Just my opinion use them don't use them modify them.

By the way which pittsburgh????
If it' PA then you know there is no such thing as a Paved road
and you can't get there from here. :lol:

Tokai 12 String

Don't you ever give up on yourself

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=358286


   
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jayrod36
(@jayrod36)
Eminent Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 14
Topic starter  

pittsburgh , pennsylvania. steeler country.

thanks for your oppinion man.

leave your ego at the door , play the music, love people.


   
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