Sands of Time week 31 { EDITED VERSION}mp3

Now this is where I am really struggling I want to talk about the sands in the hour glass and how they reflect life in general .
sample ..
Like every grain of sand
Falling in that hour glass
I want to be that man
In your dreams every night

Thanks for reading and your feed back is important any little word will help

Thanks

Trev

Like every grain of sand
Falling in that hour glass
one by one
falling to completion

Well, the meter works out well the way I am singing it but might not for you. I was just trying to think of the way that each tiny grain of sand is important because they each make up the whole.

Ya know, what I do alot of time is just write out verse after verse after verse until I am just not making sense any more.. then I'll go back and use the ones that are the best and say what I am trying to say. Maybe that would help?

Man, you have become a really amazing writer and I totally mean that. I remember days ago when we both used to write, and not saying your old stuff wasnt good but your current stuff gets better and better all the time.

Keep it up. I'll try to add some more and help you out when I can.

Jim

PS: Every since "Men at Work" I have always wondered. What the heck is "Vegemite"

Jim

Jim pm me your address and I ll send you some if customs allows it

Its a spread dark black that you put on bread , toasted bread is best ...

Amazing writter ? me wow thanks for the compliment mate I really stunned by that ..
I know I have improved and I do listen to my peers

Pbee and Vic have to take credit for anything I do , I first came here looking for internet lessons on playing guitar ..

Pbee and Vic have guided me every week in anything I post and I am very grateful they take so much time to offer so much to me . I actually wish I could offer more back to them but I can only say what I see . I have not got what they have to be able to see where I am going wrong ..

Thank you so much Jim your reply on my work has always been appreciated very much . And some of my early songs were terrible I know , I have them still in my folder and I take bits out of them now ..

And to everyone else who has ever replied to one of my songs a big thank you honestly from my heart .

Trev...

Hmmm - maybe it's a bridge you need, if the first and fourth sections are going to be the chorus....maybe something along the lines of.......

"Like the sand in the hourglass, counting out time,
Life is always moving on,
I'm taking one step forward, and two steps back,
Until the sand has gone...."

Rest of it reads well to me....just needs something to tie it all together. I agree 100% with Jim, your improvement - writing, playing and even the S-word - is amazing. Nice to get a bit of credit (Thanks!) but Trev, YOU'RE the one who's putting the hard work in. Enjoy the rewards!!!!

:D :D :D

Vic

Thanks again Vic

I like your little bridge it seems to flow in my head just like the rest :)

mmm something to tie it all together ......

Those sands in that hour glass
Are falling like rain drops
Rain drops mean a new start
For all of us where ever we are

maybe? or am I heading off track again ?

Trev..

Trev,

Thanks for the kudos, but as Vic say's you're the one who puts in all the work. For me it works the other way as well. I learn an awful lot by critiquing other songs, if something doesn't quite work and I think I know why then for me that's quite satisfying and certainly rewarding.
Back to your song, coming along very nicely. Verse 2 in particular works very well for me. I do have a little unease with your chorus
Looking through my eye glass
Searching for the answers
Like sands of the hour glass
I'm never standing still

The eyeglass seems unrelated to the hourglass so how about something like:
Looking through my eye glass
Searching for the answers
That horizon's never constant
And changes with each pass
Now that the eyeglass is resolved your free to use the other hourglass metaphor

Cheers

Paul

BarnaBus
I really liked the hourglass image you used, and I would like to see that more throughout the lyrics. I did not care for the eyeglass analogy, even if that fit the assignment. I took the liberty to offer you some suggestions.
You may be able to fit in more hourglass analogy like: turning it again for a new start, not being turned: as in life stands still or have no meaning, broken: as in sand/ life slips through and ebbs away…..you get the drift. I also think as Vic implied to a bridge would do you good
I think you have a very good start here, and with a little bit of imagination this has great potential.
This is also a good beginning to write the way our fearless leaders have implied to in the past:
Show me, don't tell me!
Happy writing :)
Olav

Suggestion:
Looking trough the eyes of time
Searching for the answer
Unveiled like sands of the hour glass
Falling before my eyes

When life starts to make sense
Someone changes my plans
Like a hand turns the hourglass
I go back to make amends

Thanks Paul

I see what you mean with the eye glass and hour glass , I was thinking now I have to wear these darn things over my eyes now I could use that to say I am looking at something through them .I have started to write but I am getting a bit lost here and there and it seems with every alteration I am making with this I am loseing what I what I want to say .
I like the horizon idea .....I ll re-visit everything after I have had some sleep I think ...

Thanks Olav

Good to see you back mate , I have your suggestions along with everyone elses and will put them all into the mixer , press that song button and see what comes out { gee if only that easy :)}
I will have to come clean about the hour glass thing ..
Who has ever heard the opening to days of our lives ????
Come I know everyone knows
Like sands through the hour so are the days of our lives
I had that in my head one day for some darn reason ...

Trev

Looking through my eye glass
Searching for the answers
That horizon's never constant
And changes with every pass

When life starts to make sense
Someone changes my plans
Like a hand turns the hourglass
I go back and make amends

Before I go forward I gotta look back
Fix all those little problems
Get my life back on track
Then I might try to relax

Like every grain of sand
Falling in that hour glass
Always falling to completion
And never standing still

Like the sand in the hourglass, counting out time,
Life is always moving on,
I'm taking one step forward, and two steps back,
Until the sand has gone...."

Looking through my eye glass
Searching for the answers
That horizon's never constant
And changes with every pass
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I do feel I cheated here I used almost everthing that was offered ..
Still 1 or 2 places that might need tweeking when I find some time to have ago with my guitar with this I am sure things will shape up a bit better ..
I am really enjoying my playing at the moment even though I am only playing simple chrd progressions and simple strum patterns ..

I 'm trying to finish off about 5 different projects along with working long hours ...

Ahhh its' all good keeps the mind active anyway

Thanks everyone feed back is always very much appreciated

Trev