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Song a week 45 - Lips Like Candy


(@guentherb121)
Active Member
Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 10
Topic starter  

So I went on vacation with the family last Friday, and actually brought along a mic in order to record this song, but just has gotten away from me this weekend. Below are the words. Music is done, just need to find a minutes to record the vocals. Sorry a little late this week.

Verse 1
Am
She walked into the bar I’m paralyzed
F
Long legs Short skirt jaw dropping eyes
Am
My heartbeat through my chest I can barely breathe
F
She’s a hypnotic vision of my dreams

Chorus
Lips like candy
I wanna take a lick
Or maybe she’s like brandy
In that case just one more drink
She looks so savory sweet like pastry
This is my chance don’t wanna miss
I wanna taste her kiss

Verse 2
Sitting on a barstool just rehearsing my lines
Look up our eyes meet then she smiles
I’m frozen and powerless I can’t believe
Next thing I see she’s walking over to me

Chorus

Verse 3
Now I’m intoxicated enough to ask her to dance
Play it cool man this is your chance
Her hips sway as she pulls me tight
Everything falls away as I close my eyes


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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 2855
 

Hi Barry,

Good start :D You have some nice concrete details: lips, candy, bar, legs, skirt, eyes, chest, bar stool, hips...etc

The story line is straight-forward, which is good; although a bit unrealistic, or more guy fantasy....and the end is open-ended, which I tend to like.

Then again, if a gorgeous girl falls for the singer, maybe he is gorgeous or very rich, so you can reference him as a "Sugar Daddy", or liken his moment to a kid in the candy shop where he can pick and choose who he wants b/c he's that hip....rather than having to get drunk to build up courage.

Consider in your chorus only including lines that enhance the title; which is a great title BTW

Right now the references to brandy and pastry draw attention away for the title, not towards it.

Also, see what lines in the vs can subtly support the idea of candy.

These images don't add support: I’m frozen and powerless, Everything falls away

You could definitely turn a song like this into a tall tale and go over the top with the story line and details.

Thanks for sharing.

James


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