this is a very rough draft. in fact, i haven't even read it a second time, so i know it's not where i want it, but it's a start. :)
I fell victim to
Your precious ideals
You looked me in the eye
But it was all a lie
You look so perfect
But I can see within
You look through me
And you pray over your prey
Yeah…. Praying mantis
You fold your hands
Lower your head
Your words picked at my heart
Yeah, they stung me from the start
You look so perfect
But I can see within
You look through me
And you pray over your prey
Yeah. . . . praying mantis
Church pew beauty
Piety is not your strong point
Everyone see's your skin
But I.. . . I see within
You look so perfect
But I can see within
You look through me
And you pray over your prey
Yeah. . . praying mantis
You're just a praying mantis
Hi Ruepickle
It's a good start - you've got a lot to work with. What might help is a little more of a focus. I thought this part was very arresting:
Church pew beauty
Piety is not your strong point
Everyone sees your skin
But I.. . . I see within
And it makes me want to know more about both the narrator and the person he's talking to / about.
I hope you work on this some more and we get to see the next draft.
Peace
