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SSG 23 (that rhymes...
 
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SSG 23 (that rhymes!)

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(@Anonymous)
New Member
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Posts: 0
 

The lights are always on
even when all are gone
at the special m motel
the lights are always on

two barren children come elope
to just maybe find some hope
at the special m motel
the lights are always on

Chorus:
Look into their eyes
are they decaying inside
look past the dead flies
was their love denied

Hold my hand i'll hold yours
will you be caught by my lures
at the special m motel
the lights are always on

an old couple stumbles past
hoping maybe their marriage will last
at the special m motel
where the lights are always on

Chorus:
Look into their eyes
are they decaying inside
look past the dead flies
was their love denied

Lovers come and go
watch the ebb and flow
at the special m motel
where the lights are always on
the lights are always on


   
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(@acceptedone)
Eminent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 27
 

well, you already know i like it :)


   
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(@jamir)
Honorable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 434
 

Hi'a  Ruepickle

Nice simple story line, and , very clever rhymn and good beat going here.

Can't comment from the pop angle, as it is not my speciality.

Go well
Ja'mir

I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com

you can hear my songs at :

http://www.mp3.com.au/artist.asp?id=21709


   
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(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago
Posts: 0
 

lol, i don't think pop is any of our specialties! lol!


   
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(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago
Posts: 0
 

Yeah, I liked it too, good rhyme, imagery, & rhythm.


   
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(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago
Posts: 0
 

Hey Rue,

Really good.  As others already said, it flows well, the meter is good, has good imagery.  I especially like the last verse, the "ebb & flow"  captures the notion of waves of people coming and going.  Very nice.  And you are rhyming very well these days.

-- Scratch


   
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(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago
Posts: 0
 

*bows*  i've been working on that whole silly rhyming thing. . .   ;D


   
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