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SSG 4 - Week 4 - P Allen

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P_Allen
(@p_allen)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 83
Topic starter  

Here is a song regarding my hero, as it were. It is everything I live for. But the lyric needs work.

**
Beautiful and strange
Never quite the same
A tear beneath an eye
A line that fades with time

An uninviting path
A song that never lasts
But forever heeds the beauty
Of a voice upon the wind

You make me tread the earth
And swim amongst the seas
And ponder my religion
Though you don't know what that means

The shadow on my heart
Makes me more a man
I've come to learn the beauty
That sorrow can command

The strength that you posess
You never yield in full
And now I've found a power
that cannot be overcome

**

Your thoughts and comments appreciated.

Pete. :)

Why Do Other Peoples Shipbuilding When you Could Go Diving For Pearls Of Your Own?


   
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lotto king
(@lotto-king)
Prominent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 777
 

Hi P.Allen

I like it this is good

L.K

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )


   
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geoo
 geoo
(@geoo)
Famed Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 2801
 

Hey P.. Good job.. I like it too. I'd like to know if you have a chord progression for it? Also, who was it written about out of curiousity?

Geoo

“The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn” - David Russell (Scottish classical Guitarist. b.1942)


   
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pbee
 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 2096
 

Hi P,
yeah I like your song too. I'd like to know who its about too, although I think you give us a clue in there, but Id like you to confirm my thoughts.

cheers

pbee


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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P_Allen
(@p_allen)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 83
Topic starter  

Thanks for all your comments.

The song is actually about old mother nature.

Pete. :)

Why Do Other Peoples Shipbuilding When you Could Go Diving For Pearls Of Your Own?


   
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Vic Lewis VL
(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

Been racking my brain cell trying to figure out who this was about....

I liked it the first time I read it, like it even more now I actually know who it's about...in a way, I wish you hadn't told us, it was nicely enigmatic....

only thing I can find fault with is the rhyming scheme..but hell, who said songs had to rhyme anyway!!!

Nice job, Pete.

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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P_Allen
(@p_allen)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 83
Topic starter  

I was thinking about the rhyming scheme myself. I thought perhaps there should be more form to it. But there were two reasons why I didn't bother changing it. The first is exactly as you said Vic, songs don't absolutly have to rhyme. The second is that I thought the random nature of the scheme half echoes the subject.

Thanks,

Pete. :)

Why Do Other Peoples Shipbuilding When you Could Go Diving For Pearls Of Your Own?


   
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