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SSG 52 - Introduction to the Hades Club

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 Rob
(@rob)
Trusted Member
Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 53
Topic starter  

This was just an advanced prose draft for song from a year or so ago. I dont know what i was thinking when i wrote it, its completely twisted, but please dont lock me up, i'm better now....well at least i've realised that morgues are big freezers, which is completely not what i meant.

Old Version: Come down to the Morgue

The lighting sets and intimate atmosphere
Though conversation gets a little bitter
And humours often a little darker
But its alright, considering they're dead

Come down to the morgue
Its the new trend
Just a short walk
To see all your friends

Talks mainly of regrets
Of people they knew but never met
So there's an air of expectancy
Because everyone comes down here eventually

Come down to the morgue
Its the new trend
Just a short walk
To see all your friends

Admission is free, so's the entertainment
Murder mysteries
Carnival processions for the family
Guest speakers on life and everything

Come down to the morgue
Its the new trend
Just a short walk
To see all your friends

Once you are here you'll want to stay
Which is good because once the lid's shut
Your stuck here with your friends
Until the big trip to the sky

Come down to the morgue
Its the new trend
Just a short walk
To see all your friends

New Version: Introduction to The Hades Club

Come down to the Hades Club
It's a place you'll come to love

Sparse candles set an intimate atmosphere
Thick walls mean it's always cool in the summer
We guarantee that you'll enjoy your stay
Once settled no one ever goes away

Come down to the Hades Club
It's a place you'll come to love
Come down to the Hades Club
It's a place you'll come to love

There's always lively conversation, though
Mainly ‘bout people we didn't get to know
So there is an air of expectancy
Since everyone comes down here eventually

Come down to the Hades Club
It's a place you'll come to love
Come down to the Hades Club
It's a place you'll come to love

Admission and entertainments are free
There are frequent murder mysteries
Guest speakers, sharing tearful memories
Carnival processions with each new entry

Come down to the Hades Club
It's a place you'll come to love
Come down to the Hades Club
It's a place you'll come to love

The accommodation is comfortable
Though I should tell you all rooms are single
Because everyone comes in here alone
But you'll have lots of time to make new friends

Come down to the Hades Club
It's a place you'll come to love
Come down to the Hades Club
It's a place you'll come to love

any comments/criticisms much appreciated

cheers
rob :)


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
Famed Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 2649
 

Rob,

The old version is very dark indeed. The new one is really good .It reminds me of The Eagles Hotel California. I do stumble over the meter some. It's seem to me that there a little editing might help.

Example:"Thick walls mean it's always cool in the summer"

To: "Thick walls mean it's cool in the summer"

This just seems to flow better for me but the other may work with the tune you have in mind.

Also the last verse: "But you'll have lots of time to make new friends "

Maybe just shuffle the words around :

"But you'll have time to make lots of new friends"

Well that's my opinion for what it's worth.

Great work! A little dark but I like that sometimes.

Celt

My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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(@straycat)
Noble Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 1282
 

:lol: hilarious.....

I can imagine the mood of the song so well...gloomy but so very funny*still grinning* sorry, if this reads like I'm making fun of your song or don't take it seriously enough...it is just that I love it and the sort of humour blinking through all the darkness like the stars on the black sky.

your new version is a lot more structured and places I didn't like that much before gained more importance and substance-I came to like them. but unfortunately you let go of 2 phrases I found very charming, like:
Though conversation gets a little bitter
And humours often a little darker
Guest speakers on life and everything

okay i can accept the second one especially as it's still there in another form, more advanced and better regarding the words but the original had its own funny twist(speeches about life when you're dead... :lol: )
but the first one...dear, I love that one!

well, now that I look at the revision again I see that there's no place this would fit in...you can probably not bring it in again(and may not even want to)...a pity but ok especially as people who hear the final result don't know the original version-so they won't miss it.

overall i think your revision is really a(if not two) step(s) forward(the third verse improved so much).

well done:)
bluenightangel

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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 Rob
(@rob)
Trusted Member
Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 53
Topic starter  

hi guys,

thanks a lot for your comments, i'm glad the humour was entertaining to someone other than me! u never can be sure;)

i take your points celt, the music is still in an embryonic form at the mo, i've got some chords but not a melody, so i'll see how that turns out before making any final decisions on cutting out/rearranging words.

and bluenightangel - 'blinking through all the darkness like the stars on the black sky' - is very poetic, i think u've got almost of a hit chorus there, just add a subject of your choice and shake well!

anyhows, onto year 3...is it just me or are we lacking a serious New Years Party?!?

thanks again
rob:)


   
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(@straycat)
Noble Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 1282
 

:lol: maybe I'll make a song of it....I'll let you know if I do.

...yeah why don't we have a party? :wink: that would certainly be one I'd like to go to..

take care
bluenightangel

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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