I envision this song as part of a grand musical, with Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. (Those of you too young can ask your parents, or watch TCM or AMC.)
Too Close For Comfort
I caught her eye
From across the room
Your lovely bride
Dancing with her groom
The look she gave me said it all
She's Cinderella at the ball
And there I was against the wall
Too close for comfort
We were always passing
Like ships in the night
Not above harrassing
Looking for a fight
But when the sparks would start to fly
I could imagine you and I
Then I'd recall the reasons why
You're too close for comfort.
There are those we want with all of our heart
We know we can't live together, can't live apart
We started out decieving, and ended up believing
We knew that we were doomed right from the start.
But still your smile
Can send my pulse racing
I know that it's MY heart
That she is replacing
But I know what lies underneath,
I know I escaped by the skin of my teeth
This feeling of relief
Is too close for comfort.
Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.
This song is great. I can even imagine the choreography. Nice work!
I really like this, Katreich. Particularly the rhyme scheme, ABABCCCD -- the last four lines in each verse just seem to build, build, build, -- then deliver. Very nice. Well done.
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42
Yip have to agree with the crowd, excellent reading and very rhythmical .
Can't think of any constructive crit at all to make it better!
I like it a lot and although before my time , definately old enough to know who Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire are .
Go well
Ja'mir :wink:
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :
Good work katreich, cant see anything Id change.
Paul
Yeah, kind of tough to play devil's advocate to this one....nothing I can see out of place, seems to me this would make a really good up-tempo country song....
One tiny thing - I had a good rhythm going all the way through, until I came to
"I know I escaped by the skin of my teeth".....just seems that line is a touch to long, I can squeeze it in, but it's a bit forced - but it might not hurt to drop "I know"....
Great rhythm to this, and the rhyming scheme's already been pointed out - I like it too!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
what more is there to say.. i like your lyrics a lot:-)
"too close for comfort" is a beautiful phrase... and also that "it's my heart that she is replacing" part... great.
and well... i don't know these guys... ;-) ... but i like the song anyways...
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
