This is my second foray into the SSG. I keep telling myself that I'm going to do it every week, but something always comes up. I'm not entirely happy with this song as yet, but I know it just takes practice to get this process flowing. I really am going to attempt every week from now on :D
The party's just started
The beer's still ice cold
She's stranded between islands of people
That she never should have told.
The crawfish pot is rumbling
The smell fills the air
Tipsy Dancers shake and shimmy
As she tries to swim over there.
(Chorus)
Can you see her
Crying out for more
Maybe you'll notice
When she storms out the door.
She knows her party's over
Even as everyone just began
Her friends all say she's crazy
For telling them how she ran.
(Chorus)
Can you see her
Crying out for more
Maybe you'll notice
When she storms out the door.
No one feels bad for her
She left the perfect man
Little did they know
How well he used his hand....
(Chorus)
Can you see her
Crying out for more
Maybe you'll notice
When she storms out the door.
Nice topic choice. Being isolated at a party, a lot of people have been there before.
Even as everyone just began
This line kinda sticks out to me. Just doesn't seem to flow well from the previous line. That's all I can really think of.
I see your second foray in here is just as good as your first :wink:
I really like your chorus .. and how it blends the verses together
Well done
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Hi Banre,
I really like this song, there's some really nice subtleties in here that appeal to me, like this one
How well he used his hand....
It just jumps out of the blue and catches you, excellent.
And the chorus, which for me is her cry for help and support, great.
My only comment is that V1 & V2 are there as setters of the scene and appear unrelated to the main message of this song. Maybe you could replace a line in each that alludes to her situation.
Good work
Cheers
Paul
