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ssg-week 16-illusions/reflection

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(@blackswan)
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Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 51
Topic starter  

I have no idea. I was just thinking about the prompt and this just came to me...I don't even have an idea of what kind of music. And about the storyline... hey, it's not my fault that my mind works like this  :P.

Reflection

[Verse 1]
The mirror reflecting a single tear
Blood staining the silver frame
Temptations flood and disbelief
Yet wanting comfort, sweet relief

[Chorus]
Illusions,
Submission to the soul beneath
Destructions,
Creating the deepest pain,
Reflections,
Shadows that seems to breathe,
A fear,
Of truths and seeing what's clear

[Verse 2]
Glaciers rising from her heart
Sudden realizations from afar
Guilty pleasures that won't depart
Emotions now seems wide apart

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
Acceptance suddenly way too hard
The truth is painful, as is the art
Somehow it can't all make up
For what they once shared—mortal love

-Laura


   
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(@Anonymous)
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Joined: 1 second ago
Posts: 0
 

Nice work Laura!  i really liked it!


   
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(@davidhodge)
Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 4472
 

Hi Laura

I like this, too. The only thing is that you've got such a good thing going in the chorus with the "ation" words, that I hate to see you break it up with "a fear."

Maybe:

Illusions,  
Submission to the soul beneath
Destructions,
Creation of the deepest pain,
Reflections,
Phantasms that seem to breathe,
Trepidation
Revelations of truths so clear

Just a thought.

Peace


   
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 Rob
(@rob)
Trusted Member
Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 53
 

hi laura,

nice song,
with david's alteration it all flows well, except the line 'Temptations flood and disbelief'.

the word order seem arkward, and as it stand it does really mean anything. The temptations are flooding, but what about the disbelief?

if it doesn't distort you meaning too much how about 'temptations flood IN disbelief'

rob


   
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