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SSG Week 33 - Fathers Day

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(@embrace_the_darkness)
Honorable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 539
Topic starter  

Here's my effort for the week. This song is not about me, or based on my own father (who is wonderful). It's just my take on the assignment.

Fathers Day

Its Fathers Day
I'm sat here thinking
Just what I did
To make you leave

Its Fathers Day
But I feel my heart
Is black as night
I can only grieve

Where did you go, Daddy?
Why did you run away?
What did I do,
That meant you couldn't stay?
Was I such a bad boy, Daddy?
That you couldn't look at me?
I'm sorry that I wasn't
What you wanted me to be

So it's Fathers Day
To me it means nothing
There's no Father around
For me to see

So its Fathers Day
And people celebrate
But its hard to have fun
When you're wounded for all to see

Where did you go, Father?
Why did you run away?
Just what did I do,
That meant you couldn't stay?
I wasn't such a bad boy, Father
Why couldn't look at me?
I'm sorry if I wasn't
What you wanted me to be

Where did you run to, Father?
Why did you run away?
Tell me what I did
That meant you couldn't stay
I know I was a good boy, Father
Why couldn't you look at me?
Im sorry if I wasn't
What you wanted me to be

So once again
It's Father's Day
A reminder that I
Have no-one

But this year
I made a promise
That I wouldn't shed a tear
Not one

Because I know
You were a coward
Thats why you ran away
But if you ever
Come back home, Father
I know exactly what I'll say

Where did you run to, Father?
I know you ran away
And I can't say that I'm sad
That you had chosen not to stay
I grew up alone, without you Father
But in way I'm glad
Because I grew up strong, and right and just

So I'm nothing like my Dad.

Thoughts / comments etc. appreciated as always.

Pete

ETD - Formerly "10141748 - Reincarnate"


   
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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

Pretty powerful song Pete. Only had trouble with one section....

"So its Fathers Day
And people celebrate
But its hard to have fun
When you're wounded for all to see"

I had a hard time fitting the last line into the rhythm I had going, and it's the only place where you've lost the rhyme as well. Apart from that, flows nicely and I like the way you turn it around, from feeling sorry for yourself to ultimately feeling sorry for your dad.

Erm - bet I know why he ran away though. You were all after his jacket! :wink:

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2957
 

Pete

Nice solid song mate , this sis a keeper I think .

Now just add that guitar you have add a little singing and I'm sure people will singing it .

Great work matee

Trev

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


   
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(@chefie)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 553
 

Hi Pete,

I agree. A song well written. One little minor thing . . . . . . You go back an forth between Father and Daddy. Father is very formal and daddy quite different. I actually like it when you use Daddy. So perhaps it should be Daddy's Day?

Good work. I enjoyed it.

Neil


   
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(@embrace_the_darkness)
Honorable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 539
Topic starter  

Thanks for the responses guys!

I'm going to work on that verse Vic mentioned, I'm not happy with it but at the moment it's not coming to me. I'll perservere tough!

Chefie - the idea of switching from Daddy to Father was to try and show the passage of time - mabe that didn't come off too well?

the first 2 verses + chorus are based on being a little kid, thinking that it's me that made my daddy leave (as children often do in that situation)

verse 3 and 4 + chorus are based on being older, like a young teenager, and feeling sorry for myself as I have no reason to celebrate like everyone

verse 5 and 6 + bridge + chorus are based on being older again, into late teens/20's, and now having a grown-up interpretation of what happened, and realising that it was all his fault and not my own

Also, I don't know if maybe it's different outside of the UK (or maybe even my family!) but over the age of about 9 or 10, sons don't tend to called their dad "daddy" - it's seen as quite a female thing to do (daddy's little girl so to spreak!) so thats why Daddy changes to Father and Dad.

Thanks for the input guys!

Pete

ETD - Formerly "10141748 - Reincarnate"


   
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(@slowplay)
Honorable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 420
 

Hey Pete,

Yeah, powerful, I agree with Vic. I could feel the intensity in the choruses with 'Daddy'.

Also, like Vic, I had trouble with that one line, but mostly because it uses the same word to rhyme:
So it's Fathers Day
To me it means nothing
There's no Father around
For me to see

So its Fathers Day
And people celebrate
But its hard to have fun
When you're wounded for all to see

It can work, it's all in how it's sung.

Maybe try this:
But its hard to have fun
When your wounds still bleed.

A bit cliche, but it's what came to me while reading.

You also do the same-word-rhyming with "no-one" and "not one" later, but I think you can probably get away with that one ( no pun ) when its sung.

Still, this is good stuff.

Ice cream is a dish best served cold.


   
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 Bob
(@bob)
Noble Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 908
 

Hi Pete

The Daddy/Father switch didn't bother me as I thought you'd started off as a young child and then grown up so there was a difference that could be brought out.

It's a good song with a good storyline and a very positive ending.

Great stuff

Bob :wink:

My Soundclick Page

You are what you eat, eat well


   
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 Olav
(@olav)
Estimable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 150
 

Pete
The daddy/father switch I think went well with the progression
"But this year
I made a promise
That I wouldn't shed a tear
Not one"
You may be able to reinforce this by repeating the last line (off course that depends on the music) something like:
"But this year
I made a promise
That I wouldn't shed a tear
Not one, No not one"

Another small point. I think GO would sound better than "Run" and ALL better than "What"....minor issues realy

Where did you go, Father?
Why did you GO away?
Just what did I do,
That meant you couldn't stay?
I wasn't such a bad boy, Father
Why couldn't look at me?
I'm sorry if I wasn't
ALL you wanted me to be

Great stuff though......Blessings. Olav


   
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