Hey well this week has really allowed me to use imagery, and from reading some of the other posts my the other writers it has also been the same with them. I really like this weeks song that I wrote (Including some other ones too written by some people on this board :lol: sorry havent had time to reply so I just read. ). So enjoy and feel free to critique!
Look Behind
(Verse One)
The wishful winds,
In your eyes,
Blow the clouds,
Fill the skies,
Thunder booming,
All in my head,
Shock the world,
Wake…the dead.
(Verse Two)
With your presence,
Comes sudden rain,
Moods are swung,
Feelings…are changed.
(Chorus One)
Deep dark skies,
Block out the light,
So hard to see,
But to your surprise,
Through every dark cloud,
There are rays…of light.
(Verse Three)
In the air,
Linger strong,
The sweet smell,
Of something strong,
Hope is in the air,
Hold on before…it's gone.
(Chorus Two)
Every dark cloud,
Has a bright light,
Look deep and far,
Strain your eyes,
Behind every evil,
There is…a right.
No matter what anyone says, these four men were the Innovators! of modern Rock & Roll!
Morse Code... Music on it's own
I like the song and the imagry. I especially like "Shock the world, wake the dead." The problem I am seing is with meter. It seems to me that most of your lines have 3 stresses in them. There isn't much change, nothing picking up or slowing down.
The book I am reading right now explains better than I can why that is a problem but basically it boils down to trying to keep the listener interested. If there isn't enough change it detracts from however well the piece is in other ways. They claim that no matter how good the lyrics are they can't be saved.
I can kind of see what they mean. You have great lyrics but there is an element after the first verse and a half that says, "Yeah, I've been here already." I don't think it is as bad as this book claims but if you could create more change in your meter, especially by making the chorus different than the verses, I think it would greately enhance your work.
I could be wrong in my assessment, I am struggling with finding corect meter myself and in figuring out where stresses are in words and lines. When I read your lyric I read 3 stresses in almost every line, it could be different with others I don't know.
bstguitarist
Good song nice imagery Could possiblly use some tightening on the meter
it all depends on what you have in mind for music. Good work
Celt
