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SSG Week 47 - Tell Me - with MP3

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(@chefie)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 553
Topic starter  

This is a song I wrote within the past year that manages to fullfill this weeks assignment. When I wrote it my purpose was to incorporate Lionel Ritchies "Say You, Say Me" within the song. As always, comments and suggestions are appreciated.

Neil

http://www.soundclick.com/neilstuart

TELL ME

Tell me
all your heart desires
all that inspires
places you want to go things you want to know
tell me

show me
what's in your heart
a place where we can start
the love in your eyes the reason why
show me

and take me to a place we've never been before
take me to a place upon a distant shore
and hold me in you arms
and keep me safe from harm

see me
for all that I am
for more than just a man
don't let me go and don't say no
see me

see you
standing next to me
together and free
to be who you are and don't go far
see you

love me
every day
and every way
forever and then then love me again
love me

and take me to a place we've never been before
take me to a place upon a distant shore
and hold me in you arms
and keep me safe from harm

say you say me
life now has meaning a reason to be
say you say me


   
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(@chris-c)
Famed Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 3454
 

Hi Neil,

Beautiful song that seems to suit your 'signature style' perfectly.

I really liked the way that the very simple first line sounded so right and unforced when it was repeated. I also liked the whole "Tell me, Show me, See me ..." progression.

For me, there's two ways to judge a song - by reading the lyrics/score and by listening. Of course, the most important one is listening. What can look on the page as if it might be slightly weak or awkward to sing can be absolutely fine and right once you have the musical context. And when I listened to it it all sounded right, balanced and in place.

But I can't keep saying "Lovely work again" each week. (Well, I could if you like... :) ) so these are two things that struck me off the the page:

and hold me in you arms
and keep me safe from harm

From a male perspective that reminded me more of a young person's feeling for a mother than a man's request to a lover. Once it was sung however, the distinction between who was doing the protecting, or if it was mutual, didn't seem to stand out or matter much. And maybe I'm just being old fashioned, and men who show a sensitive side by asking to be looked after do well these days. Equal opportunity and all that...

see you
standing next to me
together and free
to be who you are and don't go far
see you

The tense looked a bit awkward at the end. "See you...... to be who you are and don't go far". didn't work for me as well as all the other bits did. However, when you sang it your change of emphasis on the "don't go far" part seemed to make it work fine.

I might still have been tempted to reverse the line though. I usually try and put the strongest image last (this also works well to hide a deliberate rhyme that might otherwise sound slightly contrived). The listener is then left with the stronger image or more natural rhyme last, and that's the impression that sticks. So I might have gone for ending with "just be(ing) who you are" because the whole "I love you for the person that you are" never fails to go down well ... :wink: Probably just a personal preference though.

But I'm really rattling on for the sake of it here. Great job. 8)

Cheers,

Chris


   
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(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2957
 

Neil

How do you do this man ?

Every week a terrific song and a MP3 to match wow I wish I could do that

Trev...

You are my inspiration , I just have nothing to say in a song

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


   
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(@katreich)
Prominent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 686
 

I echo BR's sentiment. how do you do this every week?!!! Another good submission.

Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.

www.soundclick.com/kathyreichert


   
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