In this weeks assignment I felt a building wall of sound anthem coming on :) , the recording is not quite the sound in my head :shock: but here is a second draft of the lyrics. If you care to listen a rough two-track demo recording is at the site in my signature below. I was basically winging the melody, that needs work. Feedback is welcome.
4/4 time Key of A
A - xo222o; E - o221oo; F#m - 244222; D - xxo232;
ll: A l E l F#m l D :ll (repeat three times)
Intro
A
Sometimes I contemplate what I control _ who or why am I
E
A product of my associations _ or challenges that multiply
F#m
Is it things in my possession _ happenings of days gone by
D
these may all be consolidations _ to sort this out I will try
A
without further consternation_words of wisdom I read
E
enter my imagination_ of the way my soul to lead
F#m
universal consultation_who I am I must concede
D
resulting from communication_coontrolled thoughts words and deeds
Verse 1
A l E l F#m l D l
Thoughts flashing in conscious - ness
A l E l F#m l D l
Connects memory and mindless - ness
A l E l F#m l D l
To dwell thinking or dis - miss
A l E l F#m l D l
Drama or serene bliss
Verse 2
A l E l F#m l D l
Words battling in consideration
A l E l F#m l D l
Express joy or frustration
A l E l F#m l D l
To send back or to say
A l E l F#m l D l
The easy or the hard way
Verse 3
A l E l F#m l D l
Deeds resulting from choices made
A l E l F#m l D l
Showing values change is played
A l E l F#m l D l
To act out or to build
A l E l F#m l D l
Part of a plan or willed
Chorus 1
A l E l F#m l D l
All I con - trol starts with thoughts, words and deeds
A l E l F#m l D l
All I con - trol completes wants versus needs
A l E l F#m l D l
All I con - trol is the way my brain feeds
A l E l F#m l D l
All I con - trol ends with thoughts, words and deeds
Chorus 2
A l E l F#m l D l
All I con - trol what I think, say and do
A l E l F#m l D l
All I con - trol choices the whole day through
A l E l F#m l D l
All I con - trol in the moment thats new
A l E l F#m l D l
All I con - trol what I think, say and do
Chorus 3
A l E l F#m l D l
All I con - trol what I think, say and do
A l E l F#m l D l
All I con - trol starts with thoughts, words and deeds
A l E l F#m l D l
All I con - trol what I think, say and do
A l E l F#m l D l
All I con - trol starts with thoughts, words and deeds
A l E l F#m l D l
All I con - trol what I think, say and do
ll: A l E l F#m l D :ll (repeat three times)
Hi Andy,
Good start. :D I liked the change of tempo to the double time. In all it felt a bit on the long side. I don't know if it's because of the repeated cycle of chords or because it's a 4+minute song (not seeing a time indicator).
Suggestions:
Consider how conversational the lines come across for the purpose of connecting with the listener.....and be cautious of twisting sentences for rhymes sake.
For example:
to sort this out I will try
----could be---
I will try to sort this out
without further consternation_words of wisdom I read
---could be----
I read words of wisdom without further consternation
I am missing the connection between the verse and the choruses. The verses seems to ask some universal What is life? questions, but then the choruses don't seem to acknowledge any outside influences questioned in the verse or answer the questions presented.
What I am interpreting is the singer is saying the only control he (or a person) has is to control his response to any and all stimulus in his life.....outside himself....that stimulus being uncontrollable.....If that's true, it would be interesting to carry it a step further....Does he see his "response" to stimulus as a trigger to cause a response in others around him?
I'd be open to hearing an explanation of the meaning of the song, but if you prefer to leave it ambiguous, that's fine, too. :wink:
Thanks for sharing :D
James
James,
Thanks for the feedback on this rough draft/demo. Its actually a lot long, :lol: about 6m20s and almost like three song ideas put together. The intro was actually a lyric I had drafted last spring, I guess I was falling into the perfect rhyme trap there and it was awkward to sing too. The basic "thoughts/words/deeds" chorus popped in my head and woke me up at 4 in the morning I practiced it and made a few word changes and repeated a few lines, and added the "think/say/do" lines. The verses came from a free thought writing exercise on thoughts/words/deeds. The intro and verse were not practiced. I'm not thrilled with the recording. I would not have alot of time this weekend and wanted to get some feedback. Your interpretation is on track for the general idea, basically the philosophy that are all creatures of free will and not in control of anyone or anything else in the universe. But there is a cause and effect from stimulus. Hmmm? Good point that the song should speak for itself on that. I agree that its still a bit disconnected and loooong. Gotta let it roll around my head and practice it so more to see what feels right for me. I feel strongly about the idea so I want to rewrite/rerecord to improve it. Thanks for the help and am looking forward to your song! :)
Andy
Here's a rewrite, I hope to rerecord later today or tomorrow:
Intro (softly)
ll: A l E l F#m l D :ll
All I con-trol
Verse 1
A l E l
F#m l D l
Watching the world battle for control power and greed
A l E l
In the name of religion thinking god supports their creed
F#m l D l
Actions in a cycle kingdoms rise then fall
A l E l
Objects gained objects lost whats the point of it all
F#m l D l
then the quiet voice says
Chorus
A l E l F#m l D l
1/2. Accept the winds of the way the world feeds
3. All I con-trol is the way my brain feeds
A l E l F#m l D l
All I con - trol ends with thoughts, words and deeds
A l E l F#m l D l
1/2. personal choices made the whole day through
3. All I con - trol choices the whole day through
A l E l F#m l D l
All I con - trol what I think, say and do
Verse 2
A l E l
F#m l D l
Watching loved ones struggle with mental illness and addiction
A l E l
Any attempt to change them only causes friction
F#m l D l
Actions in a cycle their choice how far they fall
A l E l
Objects gained objects lost whats the point of it all
F#m l D l
then the quiet voice says
Repeat chorus 1
Bridge
A l E l
F#m l D l A l E l
Lived through my own choices taking low and high roads
F#m l D l A l E l
attempts have alter-nated between control and releasing modes
F#m l D l A l E l
Need to break the cycle pick myself up when I fall
F#m l D l A l E l
Objects gained objects lost whats the point of it all
F#m l D l
then the quiet voice says
Chorus 3
ll: A l E l F#m l D :ll
All I con-trol
A
The rewrite is much better. I was thinking it was too wordy and to many long words in the first draft. Rewriting a song is well worth the time, I find. :note2:
:note2: :note2:
Me too! Thanks ptk2!
If you care to listen a rough two-track demo recording is at the site in my signature below.
Andy, I get a 'set to private' page when I click on your sig link. So there's no demo...
Don
Don,
Sorry bout that, it's still a very rough demo now at this link:
Andy
