I posted this over on the other songwriter forum, but I think that this may be the place I need to be to really get a workout in song writing.
The last line in the chorus "Baby, you ain't seen nothing yet" just kind of got stuck in my head, very slow, and melodic, and I eventually wrote it down when I had a dream about basically the resot of the song.
This song is meant to be finger picked...the music I've got working so far (I will record in a day or so) has something like a D, G/B, Bm, G, D/A progression, I haven't really given it much thought, just started playing it. I do realize that the line can be seen in a BTO song, but it was so off from the song, that it didn't even register until I sent a rough copy to a friend of mine. Anyway, here's the lyrics.
They pulled into the empty field one fall.
Laid the blanket out onto the grass
The sun bowed it's head turning the blues into red
Turned and smiled at the display in the night.
[chorus]
As the fire began to burst in the sky.
He sees the wonder reflected in her eyes
She turns to him and says that shes in love
Baby, you ain't seen nothing yet.
As they laid and watched their midnight show
He held her close against his side
Their hearts began to beat in time
And they swore they were the only ones alive
[chorus]
And all the passion and the fire they held inside
Came to life beneath those streaks of light
He turns to her and says that he's in love
Baby, you ain't seen nothing yet
They fell asleep as the show came to an end
Wrapped up to hold the love inside
As the sun lifted it's head to break they day
In each others arms, they both began to cry
--instrumental break--
[chorus]
And all the passion and the fire they felt inside
Came to life beneath those streaks of light
They now know what it feels like to be in love
Baby, you ain't seen nothing yet
No baby, you ain't seen nothing yet.
In Space, no one can hear me sing!
Welcome, Joe.
Yeh, you'll get a workout here.
Vic is setting a blistering pace and is a cruel and unrelenting taskmaster.
No nonsense in his classes or he'll slap the ruler on your fretting knuckles. :mrgreen:
I like the chorus best because the song builds up to it.
I don't like the "falling stars". Kinda corny - oops I just started laughing - me talking about sounding corny :lol:
But this is a serious song . . . so corny doesn't work.
So, my suggestion is to make it a fireworks display 'they' came to watch.
Which means you'd have to change the first line in the first verse to something like
They pulled onto the field on a night in July
and for the first line in the chorus
As the fireworks began to light the sky
On a technical note, if they pulled onto the field at night, the sun would have already set.
That's it.
Disclaimer: Feel free to totally disregard anything I say. I'm just beginning here too.
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
Hmm....okay.
Maybe instead of changing the first line of the first verse, changing the line in the chorus.
The whole song is kind of built around the romance of star gazing on a cool autumn night, so I'd have to re-tool the whole song to fit the fireworks theme. That and with fireworks, you lose the solitude since a fireworks show means that others are going to be there to watch, and well, passion exploding in a public area can mean jail time :lol:
I'll see what I can work with though. Thanks for your input Ken!
In Space, no one can hear me sing!
Rewording the first line to:
They pulled onto an empty field in July
. . . or on a summer's eve (or is that too cliche?)
and the rest follows. You even have the sunsetting now.
"wonder of the night" to "display in the sky" or something to that effect.
Anyway, meteor shower, fireworks, lunar eclipse . . . all very romantic.
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
Great Ken, thanks! I think I understand what you are saying. The references work for that as well. The song has been updated to reflect the ideas that you gave.
Appreciate it!
In Space, no one can hear me sing!
Hi Joe,
Good to see you powering on with the songwriting. Coming along a treat (both this song and your songwriting in general).
Did you get the I, IV, V, IV chord progression thing going with this? I have to confess that it's stumped me so far this week... I ended up falling back on plain old I, IV, V. :oops: When it comes to writing the music I'm still stumbling along at first year apprentice level...
Cheers,
Chris
Hey Joe (hmm, that gives me an idea for a song....) good to see another new face in here. Good to see your song developing too, with a little help from Ken.
Normally, the songs we write in the SSG are based around an assignment, theme, topic - call it what you will - suggested by someone (me, this year!) on a Sunday - it'll (hopefully!) be an idea that you might not normally think of writing around. The last couple of weeks it's been about putting lyrics to a chord progression - last week (week 1) was all about G Em C and D, or a I - VIm - IV - V progression, this week's suggested theme was a I - IV - V - IV (for example, A - D - E - D in the key of A) progression.
Your song doesn't follow the suggested scheme - although it wouldn't be too hard to fit your verses to a I - IV - V - IV progression. I like your chords as they are, though, tried them out and they've got a nice flow to them. Don't let that put you off joining the SSG, however - membership's still free!
Just check out the assignment at the very top of the forum notices every Sunday, see if it fires your imagination or creates a spark. There's also a FAQ post, written by Nick, that'll answer any questions you may have.
Good luck with the writing, hope you'll be back and try some of the assignments out!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Aha! I knew I was missing something here. Thanks for that guys! I'm pretty sure I can work a I-IV-V-IV in there, it might even help me make this into a bit better song. I'll try and record something in the morning when I get off work and see where it takes me. Thanks for the input guys!
In Space, no one can hear me sing!
