SSG Year 4 - Week 27

Interesting song and a nice subtle approach to your message using the carpenter image.
My bigest critique would be the repetiveness of the chorus and the lack of substance to the verses.
I would try to expand the verses to be longer and not repeat the chorus after every verse.

Just some thoughts. But I do think you have the makings of a really good song.

we all travel that lonesome highway, we all travel that lonesome road
as we travel that lonesome highway, we don't have to travel alone
I quite like this chorus. It's nice and simple but very effective.

I think Chefie has some fair points there too. Nevertheless I think you've done a great job. :)

Hi

Like already mentioned the repeativness gets a bit annoying after a while
but a lot of songs have that repeativeness in them so I guess that's an issue I have to live with ..

I have an issue with this verse though ..

as a young man I rode that highway, rode it all all on my own
as I rode that lonesome highway, never gave thought to where it goes

It's the only time in the song that I appears , the rest is about we .. maybe a slight change to

as young men we ride that highway . ride it all on our own
as we ride that lonesome high way . never give a thought to where it goes

Just my opinion

hilch

I don't have a problem with the repetition. I've been listening to a lot of old time music of late, though (not to mention some Van Morrison), so I may be biased in that regard. :wink:

I'm also not sure about the "I" / "we" bit. It seems that personalizing the verses and then going more universal in the choruses works well in this case and you might lose a little in making the verses "we."

My only worry, if I were singing this, would be this verse:
forty years I rode that highway, I rode along in a heavy mist
when the mist finally lifted, it was then I saw what I missed

There's a lot of internal repetition here and I get easily tongue-tied. Can't help but wonder if being a little less fancy might help:

forty years I rode that highway, wandering through a heavy mist
And when the fog finally lifted, it was then I saw all that I'd missed

Just a though.

Always a pleasure to read your posts, Mike. Looking forward to more.

Peace

Hard to get those old melodies out of your head, isn't it??
I like this as well. It sounds like it would be best sung live with a group as well.

Hey, nice work here. I was picturing the Blind Boys of Alabama doing this one.

A note on the repetitiveness... first, it fits your chosen genre, so there's nothing wrong per se. I think the music itself will deal with most of the perception of undue repetition. For example, starting out with a solo singer then adding more instrumentation and vocalists as the song progresses. Instrument solos would also break things up. Lyrically you could add another verse ( but not singing the chorus again ).

Another picky note:
forty years I rode that highway, I rode along in a heavy mist
when the fog finally lifted, it was then I saw what I'd missed

With the homonym rhyme I think this would funny when sung. I'd have to hear it how you're hearing it though.

Not a real lot I can add here ...

except I like this ..

Well done

L.K

Hi PORR

Good interpretation as usual. I can hear this song sung with a gospel choir singing the chorus parts and a lone voice singing the verses. Helps neutralise the I/We debate.

Good stuff

Bob :wink: