Skip to content
SSG Year 5 - Week 1...
 
Notifications
Clear all

SSG Year 5 - Week 11 - dhodge

6 Posts
6 Users
0 Likes
1,306 Views
(@davidhodge)
Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 4472
Topic starter  

I'm actually still at work on last week's topic (hoping to post something before the weekend) and somehow kind of morphed a bit into this week's. It's a little bit of a stretch from Bob's idea, but since it (a) incorporates a number of cliches people use to end relationships and (b) uses the actual word "cliche" itself, I decided to post it and see what happens.

Music, it's your basic lazy waltz and I hope to have it recorded and posted by the weekend, if for no other reason than to let you hear that I think I got the meter okay! :wink:

As always, thanks for your indulgence, comments, suggestions and critiques.

Saturdays
©2007 D. Hodge

Saturdays
Dad drives the kids into town
Just to look at the things in the windows
We'd see marvelous toys
We'd see beautiful clothes
Candy and ice cream cones
Then we'd hurry back home

Dad was great at explaning there's lot of things you'll never have

Saturday night
With his saxophone wailing
He'd play at some wedding
Where people would dance
Like they'd never been hurt
Never felt disappointment
Never knew broken hearts
Never had dreams just slip from their hands

Dad believed that some people's lives were just meant to be sad
Dad was great at explaning there's lot of things you'll never have

And you sit there and tell you you're sorry but this won't work
And you sit there and tell me don't worry it isn't me
Don't take this personally
And you pick up your cliches and you leave

Through the restaurant window
I watch you hailing a taxi
It takes you forever
The waitress comes over and refills my glass
And she hands me the check
And I haven't a cent to my name

Dad was great at explaning there's lot of things you'll never have
Dad believed that some people's lives were just meant to be sad
And I wander through town
And watch all the lovers pass by on another
Saturday
Dad drives the kids into town
Just to look at the things in the windows

Peace


   
Quote
(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2957
 

Very nice song David

Sort comes to me as a coutry sort of theme

I really did enjoy reaing the first verse
{ brought a few child hood memories for me }

cheers

Trevor

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


   
ReplyQuote
(@alangreen)
Member
Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 5342
 

Yes. Would be good to hear it too

A :-)

"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk


   
ReplyQuote
 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2096
 

Hi David,
not much to critique here, I think the song stands up to scrutiny pretty well. Very tight and well balanced. There are some nice little devices in there that I like, for example the reversing of “Dad's “ little pearls of wisdom. Actually I was expecting to see 3 lines of wisdom at that point but reversing works better.
Nice effort, look forward to hearing it.

Cheers
Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
ReplyQuote
 Olav
(@olav)
Estimable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 150
 

David
I like the story(ies) here but I find it hard to really connect them even if “dad explained there are lots of things you'll never have.
Let me see if I got the stories straight:
#1 Basically a kid who did not get toys, candy, whatever and dad said: yadayada
#2 same kid now a grown up getting dumped by his girl friend
Now I believe “there are lots of things you'll never have” is a great theme here, and that you tried to use that as a connector……..but I feel it is very unfocused….. Now I may be totally wrong and to harsh, but hey I am sure you can take it. I am sure you have a great explanation also
Looking forward to hearing it
Blessings
Olav


   
ReplyQuote
(@kevin72790)
Prominent Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 837
 

Love the stories in this, especially the first verse. Great job.


   
ReplyQuote