SSG Year 7 Week 19 - dhodge

That's kind of spooky . . .
Kind of an Arjen/Simon and Garfunkel collaboration . . . type of song.
Beautiful overlapping tracks.
Thanks, David.

It's good stuff David, a complete unloading of a feeling of total despair.

A :-)

It's a song about aging, dementia, and death. All very contemprary topics. I like the layered vocals and guitar playing. I need to do some lessons.

Thanks,

Ernie

Hey Dave

A very haunting song and superbly put together, as we would expect of course.. :wink:

Just singing it through myself, here's a couple of changes that make if flow better for me...

I forgot my daughter's name today
But I know what day it is
And that's the start

It starts with the little things
It always is the little things
The "where's my keys my coat my ring"
The little things will tell you something's wrong
That this train of thought has gone

The rest is brilliant...

Rock on!
D 8)

Dave,

Sounding good. :D I really like the arpeggios....good match of music and content. I really like the ping-pong voices. I would have liked them bumped up a bit in the mix to create more of the confusion for the listener.

Suggestions:
1
You have some great ideas...simple and clear...but so much repetition makes the song a bit on the long side...maybe you can be a bit more selective on what is repeated to cut it down a bit [5:00 mins]
2
Consider backing off even more on the gtr in a couple sections down to 1, 2, or 3 notes...it feels like it could use a bit more contrast....the notes are changing, but the arpeggio style and tempo are the same throughout....maybe even some false starts or "take twos" ....like a gtr player forgetting what comes next...or even dropping to acapella.
3
If you are going to repeat the vs1, how about mixing it up to fit the character...for example:
FIRST TIME
I forgot my daughter's name today
But I know what day it is
And that's the start

SECOND TIME
I forgot what day it is today
But I know my daughter's name
And that's the start

Thanks for sharing and the MP3

James

I must have interpreted the words differently because I don't agree with changing the first verse

"a start" in the first verse is not talking about the "start" in the second verse.

"A start" means "at least I know what day it is" . . . that's a good start . . . for not being hopelessly forgetful.

The "start" in the second verse begins describing the initial signs of dementia or Alzheimers . . .
or losing one's mind . . . forgetting "the little things" . . . the start of something bad.
I forgot my daughter's name today
But I know what day it is
And that's a start

It starts with the little things
It's always the little things

That's the way I interpreted it . . . but I'm probably exhibiting the "start".

KR2

Thanks for the replies and suggestions.

It's definitely too long and part of that (as well as why the guitar is fairly monotonous) is that I was working through a lot of piecing things together on the fly. As I mentioned, spare time is a bit of a commodity these days so I only had a half-hour to throw the recording together and get it online. Not optimal and shows in the work.

Ken's right about the difference between "a start" and "the start." I was trying to go with a stream of consciousness (train of thought) feel and using one word in a previous line to play off of the following line is one way of doing that.

Dylan, I like the suggestion for "always" and will work that in.

James, on the second pass I thought that leaving out the "but I remember what day it is" might infere that he's also now forgotten that as well. Leaving out lines and then mixing up others was meant to also reflect a deteriorating mental condition.

Obviously this needs more work, not to mention time and care. The more critiques, hopefully the better the next version will be. Thank you all for making the time to listen and write.

Oh, and Ken, I think there are a number of us exhibiting "the start." :wink:

Peace

After listening to this,David, two things struck me immediately:

1 - it's a bit repetitive for a song of such length, and

2 - it is, however, beautifully arranged and put together.

I'd look on this as a work in progress - you admit yourself it needs a little attention and polishing, not to mention finding the time to do so! But I've got the feeling when this is finished I might be listening to something a bit special.....

OK, I'd just like to add a personal touch - this is so reminiscent of my mother it's, well a bit spooky....

About 12 years ago, I moved in with her - with my daughter in tow - to try and keep the social services from putting her in a home. She was fit and healthy enough - it was just that her memory was going. This line....

"The "where's my keys my coat my ring"".....

kind of brought everything flooding back. One of the first things that happened when we moved in...she'd been left a ring - a beautiful solitaire Diamond, worth a lot of money - that she couldn't find. She didn't wear it often, but always wore it for church on Sundays. Anyway, for weeks she kept asking me and Kayleigh if we'd seen this ring - about every 10 minutes, on average. After a few weeks the ring finally turned up....in the most unlikely of places. She kept a bowl of meat juices in the fridge - "the fat on top'll keep it from going off," she used to say - and I got it out to melt the fat one sunday. There, below the layer of beef fat, was....the ring. She must have taken it off, put it on the windowsill above the bowl, where it had got knocked off by accident....and been there for weeks, till the next time we needed the beef fat/juices.

So if nothing else, you certainly brought back some memories for me....although it wasn't funny those few weeks, we all laughed about it afterwards. One of the last good memories I have of her, so thanks for that! I'm really looking forward to the finished song.

:D :D :D

Vic

if you are worried about the repetitiveness and movement, it could be helped with building it in strength a little bit with a few more instruments if that's possible - preferable ones with deep meloncholy sounds (not too many, should be kept simple). I would give in to a little bit of musical chaos somewhere about 3/4 of the way through the song. Given the topic, though, I can understand the length and repetitive nature if someone is having difficulty keeping to a train of thought. I could easily see having two versions of this song, a short "radio cut" and something longer.

Jeremy