SSG10-Week1-The Cowboy Code

Now that was a lot of fun!

The first (hilarious!) and last (even more so!) verses work well (although personally I'd substitute another "never" for the first "break" in the fourth line of the first verse) but the second verse seems a little forced, meter-wise. It's that whole "dang I wrote it and it doesn't fit when I try to sing it. Shee - oot!" thing going on. Seems to be the week for it!

As always, a pleasure. And, again as always, looking forward to more.

Peace

Hi Dave,

Thanks for the listen and post :D
but the second verse seems a little forced, meter-wise.
Yes, I agree. It's "another man's" that is giving me problems.....I was thinking of substituting it with "fella's"....any other suggestions are welcomed :wink:

Say howdy on the trail but don't turn or look back
Never crouch with spurs on or try on a fella's hat
Don't ride a fella's saddle; it's like sleeping with his wife
Never steal a horse, or you'll pay with your life

James

I think the answer might be doing some syllable trimming with the other words in the lines. How about:

Say howdy on the trail but don't turn or look back
Never crouch with spurs on or wear on another man's hat
Riding some other man's saddle is like sleeping with his wife
Never steal a horse, or you'll pay with your life

Just a thought.

Peace

Thanks for the help, Dave.

It's looking better...how about this:

Say howdy on the trail but don't turn or look back
Never crouch with spurs on or wear another's hat
Riding/Mounting a fella's saddle is like sleeping with his wife
Never steal a horse, or you'll pay with your life

Definitely better!

I'd go with "mounting" but I think that "riding" fits the "wild west" vernacular better.

This verse is shaping up nicely.

Peace

*Poof changes made ** :mrgreen:

Riding doesn't work because you don't ride the saddle. You ride the horse and you ride in the saddle. How about "using?"

Thanks, Renee :D
*Poof changes made ** :mrgreen:

This song is awesome and hilarious.

Great song James! :mrgreen: Surely, one of your best.

I had some thoughts about the lines you were changing but you seem to have fixed them well now. But just for the heck of it this what what I came up with:

Say howdy on the trail but don't stop or look back - ("turn" and "look back" seemed a bit alike to be an "or" )
Never crouch with spurs on or wear someone else's hat - ( "someone else" seemed natural and easy for me to sing)
Don't ever steal a horse or you'll pay with your life (and) - (I think your third line make a punchier verse ending)
Sitting on another man's saddle's worse than sleeping with his wife - ("worse" seems more emphatic than "like")

Of course mount is great too. And if you really want to go for the double entendre you could swap the horse and saddle:

Don't ever steal a saddle or you'll pay with your life (and)
Mounting another man's horse is worse than sleeping with his wife :shock:

Still laughing at a terrific song. :D :D

Cheers,

Chris

Hi lavadave,

Thanks for the listen and post :D

Hi Chris,

Thanks for the listen and suggestions :D
"turn" and "look back" seemed a bit alike to be an "or" )
Good point. Maybe this:
Say howdy on the trail, ride on, don't look back
( "someone else" seemed natural and easy for me to sing)

v= stressed syllable
- = non-stressed syllable
v- v - v - - v -v- v
Never crouch with spurs on or wear another's hat
v- v - v - - v v- v- v
Never crouch with spurs on or wear someone else's hat

The word "wear" draws out a bit, [when I try to say it too short, it sounds like "were"].....
....... so it's hard to put the emphasis on "WEAR" and "SOMEone" right after it.....could be a pronunciation difference of why it works for you but not for me.
Of course mount is great too. And if you really want to go for the double entendre you could swap the horse and saddle:
Don't ever steal a saddle or you'll pay with your life (and)
Mounting another man's horse is worse than sleeping with his wife :shock:
Great suggestion! :lol:

Now that you got me thinking about it, I might wake up at 2 AM and decide to change it.....but for now, I'll leave only for the sake that it's laid out now in increasing severity of offenses and consequences
Consequence
1 implies distrust
2 physical pain; social awkwardness
3 public shame and damage to relationship
4 an offense punishable by death

Thanks again, Chris.

James

poof changes made :mrgreen:

very well done. i don't think I can add anything to the already insightful comments

Hi Nick,

Thanks for the listen and post.

Weeks like this are what I really like at SSG when you start with an idea and get suggestions that keep making the song better and better. :D

James