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SSG10-Week16 Kayaks & Cruise Ships (Title by Renee)

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jamestoffee
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SSG10-Week16 Kayaks & Cruise Ships (Title by Renee)

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11446775

Ebbing flowing never knowing
What's round the bend; beginning or end
Lifeboats leaking hope falls apart
C-c-c-cold are my hands but warm is my heart

I'll make a home to rest your bones
A watery bed fit for the dead

Chorus
Kayaks and cruise ships
Kayaks and cruise ships
The ocean floor has room for more
The ocean floor has room for more

Cold words, icebergs, gossip, songbirds
All hypocrites know loose lips sink ships
Frozen ores too far from shores
C-c-c-captain, you're weeping; reality's sinking in

If it helps, I'll hear your prayers
And sort them out from your swears

chorus

Instrumental

chorus

===========The Songwriting Process for This Song Spelled Out===============

The scratch recordings for this song shared for the purpose of demonstrating my process of songwriting
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11447209

Hi Renee,

I like your observation. One of the strongest ways suggested to start a song is to start it with the title. Since we have a lot of titles, I am curious as to what point numbers drop off.

This gives me an idea to try, but I have that I haven't before.

I think a lot of people get caught up or shut down on what I consider "the next step"

For me, the next step is usually asking the questions, what is the song about? Who is the singer and singee? What is the singer going to say?.....the key is, I think we get critical at this stage, but don't nail down the background information of the song.

I think we reject a lot of the ideas, but do it very quickly, so.............

........ the idea is to write out or type out our thought process in accepting or rejecting the ideas we are thinking of including or excluding......maybe this is overkill for many people I know I don't like starting by flipping through a rhyming dictionary.

I'll try a little here for my own sake of experimenting and as an example:

Kayaks and cruise ships

Ok we have 2 nouns so we'll need some verbs to have some action/story telling...we have a common theme of water and recreational activities........
..........one is a small vehicle; the other large.......
...one person compared to a group............
.........Are they events during the same vacation.......
.........one is for streams the other for oceans........
.........the feeling of vacations is fun.....leisure....adventure.....ok so a person having a good time.....could work but where is the conflict...........
............or what about from the worker's perspective....it's a job...everyone else is there to have fun but the workers are working and cleaning up, training, book-keeping etc.....might come off negative..
............ok kayaks are usually younger adults and cruise ships for older (not always though) ..........
..........what about a couple's relationship starting in their kayak years.....staying together through "rough waters" still treating life as a cruise.....being together......there is the 'k" sound in both words which is helpful and the stress pattern is the same KA-yaks and CRUISE ships.....Stressed syllables being higher in pitch; unstressed lower............
............where could the title go? end of each verse of an AAA form or 1st and last line of a chorus.......kayaks -paddle hard work, but are going down stream; still it's dangerous to be upside down too long..........
...........cruises are usually considered safe except Titanic and the latest cruise crash in Italy?/Europe...Google fact later............
.............What about the singer and singee at a conflict of interest.....he likes kayak living; she likes "cruising"......cruising has a smooth sound and implies "cruising down the boulevard"....could be a duet set up....or a song about compromising.....I'll Kayak (with) you; you cruise with me.......sets up the singer favoring the cruise.....switch it I'll cruise (with) you; you kayak with me............
.........kayack has "yack" which could imply talking too much......google some phrases about life compared to water.........
........music wise play the words "Kayaks and Cruises"...... possible joke or spin could be kayaking and meeting Tom and Katie Cruise.....so Cruises are the famous people.....

...............out of time.....time to pick up the kids......this is the sort of thought process I go through, but maybe typing it out will help show me and others...where we might go from strong start to never finishing......at least at this stopping point, my muse can roll over the title in my mind and piece together who the singer and singee might be....

..........sorry to hijack your post, Renee for some rambling

….more thoughts
“Kayaks and cruise ships” is hard to say fast and clear, so it will be hard to sing fast, so set a slow to med tempo….the emphasis vowel is “oo” in cruise….so make it the highest and longest note in the hook

Looking at Kayaks and cruise ships symbolically, single person vs group….”3000 kayaks doesn't make a cruise” (check # of passengers on a cruise ship….or past and present……Kayaks aka canoes…..Alaskan Indians vs tourist industry? Preservation of nature vs tourism? ….any current issues? *google

‘And” implies same fate for both…..so if we are alone or in a group….everyone dies…..everyone travels on the river of life…..feeling safe?.....maybe feeling safer on a cruise……if Alaska works for a setting, the weather and elements, cold water can symbolize cold realities of life

……ok the “ips” in ships will be a key rhyming point so look up rhyming words to help determine the placement of the title….are the words more specific; indicating verse placement or more generic; meaning chorus…..start a framework for the song
Title at the top and title for a line….makes it feel like it's a done deal; just needs some words and music added LOL……

Now plug in some rhymes…..still searching for an idea for the song. Melody for the hook Kayaks and cruise ships c e g a f or e c g a f or c c g a f…maybe change the chord progression while holding the word cruise…..

….record some ideas of just hook with single notes on the piano…..I like something that sounds like a bit from Morning Has Broken Key of C g e g c a 6/8 feel….maybe continue the musical phrase for the tension and release…..play a tension chord before the hook (G7) to see where it's coming from….

….I like friendships…..maybe the simile of different kinds of friends in a person' s life…..” Drown me in friendships” water with positive idea….vary the melody line away form Morning has broken……find a quote about water and friendships…..can't develop more so go for repetition angle
Kayaks and cruise ships
Drown me in friendships
Kayaks and cruise ships sail on, sail on….even though sail has nothing to do with either…..just another water idea, but leaves an open ended feeling….

…..so maybe like Apostle Paul…learn to be content whether rich or poor, feast or famine……Kayaks and cruise ships different times in our lives (river of life) a lone sometimes in a crowd other times……

Missed a note but sounded good for repetition

g e g c g…… g e g c a…….a b c g e
Kayaks and cruise ships
Kayaks and cruise ships
Drown me in friendships
Old River Time……singing to God, nature….but river and cruise ships don't fit…maybe
Waters of time….water as a metaphor of a life line
Oh Waters be kind
…….

-cont.
Fill up my life
Or
Don't rush on by

Kayaks and cruise ships
Kayaks and cruise ships
Drown me in friendships
Don't rush on by

Kayaks and cruise ships
Kayaks and cruise ships
Time is a cruel myth
Stay by my side

or

Kayaks and cruise ships
Kayaks and cruise ships
Time is a cruel myth
Don't rush on by

Kayaks and cruise ships
Kayaks and cruise ships
Drown me in friendships
Stay for awhile

or

Kayaks and cruise ships
Kayaks and cruise ships
Drown me in friendships
Waters of time

Kayaks and cruise ships
Kayaks and cruise ships
Anchor your friendships…..had to check that kayaks have anchors…they do…
Don't rush on by

Now the theme can develop into the importance of taking time for friendships and people in one's life can be described as different types of boats….rushing by……and to contrast the chorus the verse can be short syllables maybe rhythmic to make a rushing water effect…..if it works out….

….still have to find a point of view singer telling the singees to slow down and enjoy life……v1 observations v2 what could happen if you don't slow down bridge same message spelled out…..wrap with chorus
….musically building tension in the verse as if warning….minor verse….major chorus……..

……take a break and let the muse connect the dots for a while…

9:45 PM kids asleep; wife just left for the Philippines. I have a few minutes but can't stay up too late as I will be “single parent of three kids” for a week….starting now.

Resang chorus added one more tag…Take time, take time….but would rather have a water tie-in

Now it's 11 PM and really should stop to have energy in the morning....so I will..... I still don't have a "great idea" for the song yet, so the verses are patches of images and sayings that won't really make sense to the listener hearing it for the first time.......so I will keep exploring tangets and maybe one will poke out a clear direction.....also now I have the verse at one tempo and the chorus at another....a bit too much contrast, so I need to find a way to bring them together.....

anyways, here is where it is now.....have a pencil and paper at bed side if something hits at 2 AM; have rough recording so I don't forget tomorrow.

2012 FAWM Kayaks and Cruise Ships

Flow too slow; got places to go
Can't wait on the wind; check the time once again
Sink or swim yacht race to the end
Hi, bye where you ‘been
My Huckleberry friend

Kayaks and cruise ships
Kayaks and cruise ships
Drown me in friendships
Waters of time

Kayaks and cruise ships
Kayaks and cruise ships
Anchor your spaceships
Don't rush on by
Take time, take time

Scratch lines……..
Passengers can miss the boat
When no one shows them that hope
When you're swimming upstream
Set your motor to mean
my friend meet you around the next bend
; hi, bye round the bend
Kayaks and cruise ships
Drown me in friendships
Kayaks and cruise ships sail on, sail on

…..well it's almost 9AM
Had a video call with my parents…..got the kids fed.
Here's what the muse left me around 4:30 this morning
Sweet friends, dear friends, ebb and flowing; never knowing; the waters of life are deep, deep are the days and we're far from shore, the ocean floor has room for more watch those waves, you're far from shore……musically I was hearing Kayaks like Day-Yo…..so it got me thinking to reggae calypso being a possible genre for a message of light and heavy info….the other concept that came to me was comparing the life cycle and water cycle…..every life goes to a grave….every river to the ocean…
…..so new chorus
Kayaks and cruise ships
Kayaks and cruise ships
The ocean floor has room for more
The ocean floor has room for more
Kayaks and cruise ships
Kayaks and cruise ships
…..so now it's shaping up to be the singer is Death the singee is the person or people dying….and the singer is trying to calm the singee to accept the inevitable…..verse 2 is a mixture or when we say the wrong thing but have the consequences that naturally unfold….death of respect, friendship or trust…..most likely too unclear, but that's what it meant to me…..leaving it open for the listener to grab their own meaning…..but I prefer to have more control over what I am saying usually…….maybe next song……

Here are scraps of notes I make a long the way of different versions:

I'll make a bed to rest your bones
A watery home to rest your head

I'll make a home to rest your bones
Entertaining the quick and the dead

Lifeboats leaking floors are creaking

Drowning in friends
My Huckleberry friend

The days crash down
You start to drown
Boat capsized and waters rise
When you think you're filled to the brink
And you start to sink
As the waters rise
I'll throw you a line

Kayaks and cruise ships
Kayaks and cruise ships
The ocean floor has room for more
The ocean floor has room for more
Kayaks and cruise ships
Kayaks and cruise ships
I'll be a home to rest your bones
Have no fear, you're not alone
There's a truth you can't ignore
The ocean floor has room for more

Frozen ores far from the shores or hot soup
Heading home to rest your bones
Drowning in friends
My Huckleberry friend
Kayaks and cruise ships
Kayaks and cruise ships
The ocean floor has room for more
The ocean floor has room for more
Kayaks and cruise ships
Kayaks and cruise ships
Look for me I'll be your port
Land on me I'll be your shore
I'll be your port Land on me I'll be your shore

Here's a truth you can't ignore
The ocean floor has room for more

Flow too slow; got places to go
Can't wait on the wind; check the time once again
Sink or swim yacht race to the end
Hi bye where you ‘been
My Huckleberry friend

Kayaks and cruise ships
Kayaks and cruise ships
Anchor your spaceships
Don't rush on by
Take time, take time


   
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andygetch
(@andygetch)
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Joined: 11 years ago
Posts: 328
 

very catchy! I like the doubletrack vocals too!

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1228093


   
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jamestoffee
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Topic starter  

Hey Andy (Fellow FAWMer),

Thanks for the listen and post on this one....I really was planning to back off writing :roll: ....but you know, Renee got me going so....another one for the FAWM! :wink:

James


   
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straycat.
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Posts: 1282
 

hello, writing and singing already, are we? :D
yay for the title & what you did with it!
All hypocrites know loose lips sink ships
love this and the stammering and the casual tone of "If it helps, I'll hear your prayers"!

your process is an interesting read, too! can't believe how many ideas you went through. also, terms like "tension chord", thrown in offhandedly every once in a while make me go :shock: and :D

thanks for sharing!
cheerio,
straycat.

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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jamestoffee
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Topic starter  

hello, writing and singing already, are we? :D
:oops: Well, who has time to let a whole week pass by and not write a song :wink: :lol:
your process is an interesting read, too!
Thanks for the confirmation....I didn't want to come across as a know it all, and I know not everyone works the same way....but I found it helpful to think about how I think and my hope was others might grab some ideas to include in their own process.
can't believe how many ideas you went through.
I know I've mentioned him before, but this is where Edward de Bono's presentation of Lateral Thinking helps. He writes that typically we are trained through our education to find a "right answer" and reject all wrong answers. That type of thinking does have a place in our lives, but Lateral Thinking is a process of developing choices, choices and more choices....developing choices is the end goal of the process.......

......so it helps then when you hit a "brick wall" in your thinking to generate alternatives.....very helpful concepts that apply to songwriting as well as other areas of life.
also, terms like "tension chord", thrown in offhandedly every once in a while make me go :shock: and :D
I've picked up quite a few ideas from Gary Ewer's blog http://garyewer.wordpress.com/ worth checking out.

Thanks for the listen and post, Straycat. :D

James


   
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straycat.
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Posts: 1282
 

Lateral Thinking, hmm... wonder if that helps very indecisive people (like myself).. having/thinking of too many choices tends to paralyse me :lol:

thanks for the link to the blog, it's saved and will be looked at later :wink:

cheers,
straycat.

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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John Sargent
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Posts: 946
 

I'm on a puter with a decent sound system today. I like this tune. Well done.


   
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